What does everyone think about the someone special in your life telling you that each others past becomes the others when you are together? I don't agree with this, I believe that the present and the future is what becomes yours together as a couple. Just curious!!
okay jeff, i understand the post a little better now...i was really tired yesterday
Well it is true...We all have a past. Some of it is good and some of it is bad. We don't need to share to everyone about our past but if its reflecting on thing you do now then one you need to seek some guidence/help or at least let that special person know why you are this way.
Just a little update on what has happened. We were doing great and then he broke it off with me again, said that he couldn't be with me because of the things I have done in my past. I know I have to let him go now, and it's going to be hard, because even though I have felt his judgement, I still love him. I know this is going to take me a very long time to get over this, and I do not plan on starting a relationship with someone else for a very long time. I think I really need to do some searching and try to get back to the way I was before he made me feel like I was on trial. I feel like my spirit has been broken. I know I should mention the reasons why he says he cant be with me...I got a dui when I was 20 years old, I lived with my boyfriend of 8 years for about 4 years and I partied with him and tried some things that I wish I wouldn't have. I would probably change some things about my past if I could go back, but I would not want to do that for him, I would want to do that for me. But then again I have learned from my mistakes and I always felt I had matured and grown into a responsible young woman, and I know I wouldn't be the same if it weren't for the mistakes I had made growing up. He also said that we came from 2 different raisings and he had the perfect childhood, well I didn't and I don't see how that was my fault. He told me that if he had his preference he would be with me, that he loves everything about me, but I think maybe I should realize that he don't. He even told me that I made his house a home, and that he had never been happier, he just thinks that it's necessary to end our relationship, and even though he wants me, he doesn't want to be with me. I have never been more hurt. I have had to tell him every mistake I have made since I was 16 years old, he had to know everything. Is it bad of me that I wish I had never been open and honest with him from the start? Do people really get judged and left because of decisions in their past? I know I have posted about this before, it just really helps me to hear other people thoughts.
He should have never forced you to do that. While it really hurts right now, it sounds like this break up is for the best. You don't need someone who judges people in that way.
I know you're hurt and I'm sorry for that. But come on, your boyfriend was psychotic, as is obvious from the statement:
Quote:
I have had to tell him every mistake I have made since I was 16 years old, he had to know everything.
Normal people do not require you to tell them every stupid thing you did as a teenager. To me, your "mistakes" didn't sound so terrible; everyone has something they wish they had done differently in the past. What, are you supposed to now be perpetually 'punished' for your sins? He's hollier than thau to the point of being abnormal. He would drive you crazy. Tell him to look for his next girlfriend in Pleasantville where everything and everyone is "perfect." In time, you will find someone who loves you and appreciates you for who you are today, including the path that has lead you up to this point. Keep your head up, girl. That guy if full of it and don't let him dictate how you feel about yourself or your value as a person.
I would probably change some things about my past if I could go back, but I would not want to do that for him, I would want to do that for me. .
This is so on and this is the attitude that you should have at all times. As said we all have past and this guy is going to be singal for a long time because no one will have a perfect past unless they lie about it. You did the right thing though...You didn't lie and you told the truth. Jeese..What more can someone ask for when they get truth.
As people said you don't need a guy like this. You using your head and you going to be signal for a while instead of getting a rebound. DO NOT accept this guy if he came crawling back. I am sure you still have some feelings deep down but keep them there until they are gone.
How dare that guy break your spirit! He is wrong and doesn't deserve you.
You just remember that! SO WHAT...You lived a Life and he JUDGES you by living a life and being honest with the life you had! That is Your Life and you have learned from your mistakes...It has made you Who You Are!
YOU....did nothing wrong but be honest, made a home for that jerk, and loved him...AND THIS IS HOW HE treats YOU. Girl...Put Your Head UP.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed about! Get that Spirit of Life back into yourself - for pete's sake...Who is this guy...GOD? Your father? He's just a Guy who has a High Opinion of himself. loser!
I would NEVER have a relationship if my past was such a Burden on someone.
My past has made me a Better Person today then yesterday.
damn him...I'm Very MAD for you....stop feeling sorry for yourself because you have NO reason to feel sorry for living a fullfilled life so far and where it has brought you....I see NOTHING wrong with what you have posted and how you have lived....Don't allow this rightous guy to do this to you.
Get that Spirit of Life back into you don't allow this person or any person to bring you down...................
everybody has made mistakes in their past and there is no way to change the past...but that doesn't mean that you are the same person today...i've made many many mistakes in my past, but i'm not at all the person i used to be...we learn from mistakes (hopefully) and it helps mold who you will become in the future...i hope that came out right...
what i'm trying to say is, he shoulda left the past in the past...and good riddance to him i say...
__________________
'to really live you must nearly die'-received from a vietnam vet
everybody has made mistakes in their past and there is no way to change the past...but that doesn't mean that you are the same person today...i've made many many mistakes in my past, but i'm not at all the person i used to be...we learn from mistakes (hopefully) and it helps mold who you will become in the future...i hope that came out right...
what i'm trying to say is, he shoulda left the past in the past...and good riddance to him i say...
Girlharley, thank you so much for the hug, I need all of those I can get right now. And here is a big hug back to you. Thanks to everybody for replying and for the support. I don't know what is wrong with me that I think this is something I can fix. I don't want to be this desperate girl begging for someones love and acceptance.
I don't want to be this desperate girl begging for someones love and acceptance.
Your not...You are simply looking for help and advice because you are a little confused on what to do....You came to the right place though. We are not doctors living on stats. We are ordinary people that have learned the real harships of life and brining advice to you that will help you
Girlharley, thank you so much for the hug, I need all of those I can get right now. And here is a big hug back to you. Thanks to everybody for replying and for the support. I don't know what is wrong with me that I think this is something I can fix. I don't want to be this desperate girl begging for someones love and acceptance.
There is Nothing Wrong with you. You happen to fall in love w/a guy who thought more of himself and image then any love he felt for you. I'm sure he loved you but he loved himself, his values, his family image, more then you.
That is nothing you can change or fix. There are men & woman out there who have their own code of life they live by and honestly...good for them, but so sad that they should be judgemental of someone not as superior has themselves...We all have pasts that may not fit into someone's elses's lifestyle - maybe one day this guy you were dating will become Mayor of your city...So your past lifestyle did not fit into the Clean Image that they so think is important to them. And we all know how well and clean Politicians lives are don't we?
Your not a desperate girl begging for love & acceptance, your hurt and feeling sorry for yourself as you said he broke your spirit. Do not settle for someone that makes you feel less then what you are worth. Be happy for the woman you have become and accept yourself and others will accept you.
yes yes, you need somebody who will accept your past and not dwell on it...smile, there is are a lot more men out there...never stay with a man that makes you feel two feet tall...
__________________
'to really live you must nearly die'-received from a vietnam vet
Well he told me why he can't be with me because of my past. He said he doesn't respect me, and that hurt bad, but it also made me angry. He told me to find someone else who would and that he would never want to be with me again, he knew what he had to do and he was going to do it. He had proclaimed to love me forever and that there was nothing we couldn't get through. Now I am doubting myself and seriously considering talking to a counselor. And I am also doubting that I will find anyone to truly love me? I don't believe in that anymore. Thanks so much for the thoughts guys, it has meant alot!!
Well he told me why he can't be with me because of my past. He said he doesn't respect me, and that hurt bad, but it also made me angry. He told me to find someone else who would and that he would never want to be with me again, he knew what he had to do and he was going to do it. He had proclaimed to love me forever and that there was nothing we couldn't get through. Now I am doubting myself and seriously considering talking to a counselor. And I am also doubting that I will find anyone to truly love me? I don't believe in that anymore. Thanks so much for the thoughts guys, it has meant alot!!
As hard as it is to do, and believe me I know, because it's what I should be doing myself and still have a hard time with, but as hard as it is, you need to realize this has more to do with him than with you. It's possible that tomorrow, he'll meet a girl with a past much more checkered than yours and fall madly in love with her and marry her. I don't really think it's your past that bothers him. I think that's just the excuse he latched onto to explain why he just wasn't in love. My ex beau did the same thing to me. Said he didn't love me anymore, if he ever did, because he was very Catholic and I wanted to use artificial birth control after marriage to plan our family, he claimed to be against premarital sex, and even though we never actually had sex, he said I led him farther than he was comfortable with, and we needed to be "on the same page" with that, and I suggested moving in together, and he said living together out of wedlock would be out of the question. He was very against divorce, even in cases of abuse, one of the reasons he stuck with me for so long was because he was afraid at his age (31 at the time) it would be hard to find a woman never married and without kids from another man. He also felt women with kids should never work outside the home. Then not long after he dumped me he started banging, then shacked up with, a divorcee with the ink still wet on her final decree, three kids calling another man daddy, sticking her 5 and 6 year old Irish twins in day care all day while she scraped gums, a ****** off ex husband getting in their business, and (are you ready for this??) TIED TUBES. I spent our relationship bouncing back and forth between struggling to be the woman he said he wanted, and rebelling in anger and frustration at having to be this perfect all-Catholic girl and failing, only to find out he never really wanted that woman to begin with. It was just the baloney he ran on me to avoid facing the fact that he just never loved me. If he had only had the guts to face it up front, he would have missed out on about 9 months of having me as a nice little bed warmer, but he would have saved me a whole lifetime worth of pain and heartache, but I guess that just wasn't important to him. Some men are just going to be that way. Honesty and dealing directly with their true feelings are not a man's strong suit. Try not to take it too personally, and look forward to the day when you will meet the man who will love and appreciate you for all you are and have to give, and who will make you wonder why you ever cared about what this dink thought of you.
Is it bad of me that I wish I had never been open and honest with him from the start? Do people really get judged and left because of decisions in their past? I know I have posted about this before, it just really helps me to hear other people thoughts.
This may be an uncomfortable thing to accept, but anyone that entertains having a relationship with you has a right to ask you whatever they want. But here is where people miss the boat. You have the right to refuse to tell them whatever you don't want them to know. You cannot lie, though. Then you would be as big a jerk as they are for asking.
They have a right to ask, and you have a right to tell or not. You must be willing to accept the consequences. If they say you either tell them or they will not stay with you, and you don't want to tell, then you have to accept you will not be with them. You cannot tell them a lie in order to manipulate.
Everyone has a right to ask, no one necessarily has the right to be told. You cannot lie, either way just to manipulate an outcome.
Salina - I will agree with you but take this one step further and also in hopes to help or direct the post as well. Again, this is my view on issues regarding one's past.
My past is mine alone and those that were in my past stay there or move on.
Some may say my past is checkered and others may think I have not lived enough. I don't believe in lieing but I don't believe in disclosing what is buried deep inside me for only me. My past has made me who I am today.
A Better Person...I may not be proud of some of my choices...but they are mine to reckon with not someone who hasn't walked my shoes to judge.
I have made my peace with myself, my dear beloved father (who I always speak with) and my closest confident who is my loving Brother - He at times did not approve of some of my wrong choices in life, but he loved me enough as a sister to forgive me and my mistakes.
I accept people for who they are today, not yesterday. God knows we all make mistakes.. some good... some bad... some we just would like to never think about nor talk about ever again. Buried in the PAST. I hope people will accept me for WHO I HAVE BECOME not who I used to be....AND for those who want to Judge my past...There will be NO room for THEM in my life.
BUT...it is not the place of a love one to Remind Us of our past and bring it into our future or relationship as it has no value unless You have learned or changed into the better person of Who You Are Today.
This post is about one's past Love Life not anything else, the guy has made a hugh thing out of the post's past relationships he has used it against her and now she feels worthless...I do not agree from her postings that she did anything wrong, nor do I feel she should feel worthless or that no man will ever love her for her. I beleive and only hope she wakes up and smells the coffee that this man is not worth her love nor friendship.
This post is about one's past Love Life not anything else, the guy has made a hugh thing out of the post's past relationships he has used it against her and now she feels worthless...I do not agree from her postings that she did anything wrong, nor do I feel she should feel worthless or that no man will ever love her for her. I beleive and only hope she wakes up and smells the coffee that this man is not worth her love nor friendship.
Most certainly, girlharley, you are right. She has no reason feel less of herself. Her past, regardless of its actual activities, were steeps toward making her the person she is today. Nothing at all to take away from whatever she has experienced.
My only point was he has a right to be a jerk and unfairly penalize her. But those that are of his ilk will do as they do and we must learn the hard lesson of realizing how much they do not belong in our lives, and move on.
What is interesting for her is that, in the future, this will be one of those items in her past that may be painful but will have taught her a significant and valuable lesson.
Cinting, do not reflect on yourself the poor judgement of this fellow. You are fine.
I accept people for who they are today, not yesterday. God knows we all make mistakes.. some good... some bad... some we just would like to never think about nor talk about ever again. Buried in the PAST. I hope people will accept me for WHO I HAVE BECOME not who I used to be....
I agree with you GirlHarley, I couldn't imagine making someone I care about feel like crap because of past mistakes. I told him everything, he said I was more than his girlfriend, I was his best friend. I asked him if he treated all his friends that way. I don't feel is it my place to place judgement on anyone. God does know we have all made mistakes, isn't that why he sent his son for us because he knew we couldn't be perfect? I told my now ex something one time I had read in a book, "I may have made mistakes, but I'm not a mistake because God made me and he don't make mistakes". Yesterday there was a sign posted on a church by my house that said It's not the things you have done, it's what you have become. I feel the same way as you on this, I just wish he could have been more accepting. This had happened before and he has broke it off with me and then told me that he was sorry and he would never do it to me again, but he has. Salinas, thanks for the post telling me I am fine, I needed to hear that, and I hope things gets better.
Most certainly, girlharley, you are right. She has no reason feel less of herself. Her past, regardless of its actual activities, were steeps toward making her the person she is today. Nothing at all to take away from whatever she has experienced.
My only point was he has a right to be a jerk and unfairly penalize her. But those that are of his ilk will do as they do and we must learn the hard lesson of realizing how much they do not belong in our lives, and move on.
What is interesting for her is that, in the future, this will be one of those items in her past that may be painful but will have taught her a significant and valuable lesson.
Cinting, do not reflect on yourself the poor judgement of this fellow. You are fine.
Very True too..You are such a good Attorney! don't know if you had a chance to view some of the post yesterday if you read them...We..eightball, Corey, Sophia, and I nominated you for your Smarts and Skill writing as the board's attorney..and if you saw in one of my post respones that when I do make a post in the near future I do want your opinion but to be "kind" w/your words.
ciao...
He told me to find someone else who would and that he would never want to be with me again, he knew what he had to do and he was going to do it. He had proclaimed to love me forever and that there was nothing we couldn't get through. Now I am doubting myself and seriously considering talking to a counselor. And I am also doubting that I will find anyone to truly love me? I don't believe in that anymore. Thanks so much for the thoughts guys, it has meant alot!!
