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Old 05-06-2004, 12:50 PM   #16
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Re: What do ya think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cinting
For instance, do you honestly think that the fact that someone had partied when they were younger should become their partners past, unless it was something they were continuing to do?

The small stuff no but if something happened like cheating, a death, lies, teasing, bullying, ect( I am sure you got the point) then that can have a big impact of someones the life. That can hit emotionally and really do a number with someones thought.

For Ex.

An overweight person is more likely to be teased. Therefore it hurts there feeling and they have low self esteem.

2 people dating and one cheats. The person that it impacted loses there trust for that person or other person they date in the future.


------

I do see you point about the small stuff and that is somthing that doesn't need to be address but if its something major then it can still affect the other person even if they don't know about it.

For ex.

The reflects of cheating causes someone not to trust. Therefore the person will be jealous of you going out, always asking questions, being very emotional when going out, ect. Then eventually you find out.

 
Old 05-06-2004, 01:37 PM   #17
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Re: What do ya think?

Well, I think to a degree, your partner's past can affect your life, but it doesn't "become" your past. For example, if your partner was imprisoned for drug possession or armed robbery or something, and you marry him and have children with him, you are making the decision for your kids to have a father who is an ex con, and how that balances with who he is today, etc. Also, when people find out your partner is an ex con, they may judge you and your character to a certain degree. And of course, the old STD mantra, you sleep with everyone your partner has ever slept with, etc. But other than that, your past is your past, and his past is his past, and it doesn't have to bear too much on today. But personally, I always believed in building a past you don't have to worry about. I've always tried to live my life as though my unborn children are watching me. That's not bragging, that's just part of my personal life philosophy.

 
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Old 05-06-2004, 01:56 PM   #18
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Re: What do ya think?

"that each others past becomes the others when you are together? "

Not to be facetious but you know that this is usually heated divorce wrangling as in that house you owned before we got married and we lived together in for 10 years-I want half. That kind of argument is actually related to your question.

I don't think it is a simple matter of yes or no.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 05:02 AM   #19
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Re: What do ya think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by traviesa
He should be building you up for the wonderful person you have become, not beating you down for things you did as a child. He is being very childish and immature. Please think seriously about continuing this relationship. You deserve so much more. You deserve to be loved for who you are, and to be treated with respect.
Spoken like a TRUE friend. Cinting, listen to this person and get away from the loser. Someone who loves you and cares about you will NOT use things from your past against you. Break this viscious cycle now!

 
Old 05-07-2004, 05:07 AM   #20
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Re: What do ya think?

okay jeff, i understand the post a little better now...i was really tired yesterday
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Old 05-07-2004, 05:24 AM   #21
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Re: What do ya think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cinting
What does everyone think about the someone special in your life telling you that each others past becomes the others when you are together? I don't agree with this, I believe that the present and the future is what becomes yours together as a couple. Just curious!!

I think it is a very immature way of thinking.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 06:51 AM   #22
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Re: What do ya think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
okay jeff, i understand the post a little better now...i was really tired yesterday



Well it is true...We all have a past. Some of it is good and some of it is bad. We don't need to share to everyone about our past but if its reflecting on thing you do now then one you need to seek some guidence/help or at least let that special person know why you are this way.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 09:53 AM   #23
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Re: What do ya think?

Just a little update on what has happened. We were doing great and then he broke it off with me again, said that he couldn't be with me because of the things I have done in my past. I know I have to let him go now, and it's going to be hard, because even though I have felt his judgement, I still love him. I know this is going to take me a very long time to get over this, and I do not plan on starting a relationship with someone else for a very long time. I think I really need to do some searching and try to get back to the way I was before he made me feel like I was on trial. I feel like my spirit has been broken. I know I should mention the reasons why he says he cant be with me...I got a dui when I was 20 years old, I lived with my boyfriend of 8 years for about 4 years and I partied with him and tried some things that I wish I wouldn't have. I would probably change some things about my past if I could go back, but I would not want to do that for him, I would want to do that for me. But then again I have learned from my mistakes and I always felt I had matured and grown into a responsible young woman, and I know I wouldn't be the same if it weren't for the mistakes I had made growing up. He also said that we came from 2 different raisings and he had the perfect childhood, well I didn't and I don't see how that was my fault. He told me that if he had his preference he would be with me, that he loves everything about me, but I think maybe I should realize that he don't. He even told me that I made his house a home, and that he had never been happier, he just thinks that it's necessary to end our relationship, and even though he wants me, he doesn't want to be with me. I have never been more hurt. I have had to tell him every mistake I have made since I was 16 years old, he had to know everything. Is it bad of me that I wish I had never been open and honest with him from the start? Do people really get judged and left because of decisions in their past? I know I have posted about this before, it just really helps me to hear other people thoughts.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 10:04 AM   #24
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Re: What do ya think?

He should have never forced you to do that. While it really hurts right now, it sounds like this break up is for the best. You don't need someone who judges people in that way.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 10:06 AM   #25
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Re: What do ya think?

I know you're hurt and I'm sorry for that. But come on, your boyfriend was psychotic, as is obvious from the statement:

Quote:
I have had to tell him every mistake I have made since I was 16 years old, he had to know everything.
Normal people do not require you to tell them every stupid thing you did as a teenager. To me, your "mistakes" didn't sound so terrible; everyone has something they wish they had done differently in the past. What, are you supposed to now be perpetually 'punished' for your sins? He's hollier than thau to the point of being abnormal. He would drive you crazy. Tell him to look for his next girlfriend in Pleasantville where everything and everyone is "perfect." In time, you will find someone who loves you and appreciates you for who you are today, including the path that has lead you up to this point. Keep your head up, girl. That guy if full of it and don't let him dictate how you feel about yourself or your value as a person.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 10:29 AM   #26
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Re: What do ya think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by cinting
I would probably change some things about my past if I could go back, but I would not want to do that for him, I would want to do that for me. .

This is so on and this is the attitude that you should have at all times. As said we all have past and this guy is going to be singal for a long time because no one will have a perfect past unless they lie about it. You did the right thing though...You didn't lie and you told the truth. Jeese..What more can someone ask for when they get truth.

As people said you don't need a guy like this. You using your head and you going to be signal for a while instead of getting a rebound. DO NOT accept this guy if he came crawling back. I am sure you still have some feelings deep down but keep them there until they are gone.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 10:40 AM   #27
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Re: What do ya think?

cinting - Honey...Here is a Big Hug for YOU!

How dare that guy break your spirit! He is wrong and doesn't deserve you.
You just remember that! SO WHAT...You lived a Life and he JUDGES you by living a life and being honest with the life you had! That is Your Life and you have learned from your mistakes...It has made you Who You Are!
YOU....did nothing wrong but be honest, made a home for that jerk, and loved him...AND THIS IS HOW HE treats YOU. Girl...Put Your Head UP.
You have NOTHING to be ashamed about! Get that Spirit of Life back into yourself - for pete's sake...Who is this guy...GOD? Your father? He's just a Guy who has a High Opinion of himself. loser!

I would NEVER have a relationship if my past was such a Burden on someone.
My past has made me a Better Person today then yesterday.

damn him...I'm Very MAD for you....stop feeling sorry for yourself because you have NO reason to feel sorry for living a fullfilled life so far and where it has brought you....I see NOTHING wrong with what you have posted and how you have lived....Don't allow this rightous guy to do this to you.

Get that Spirit of Life back into you don't allow this person or any person to bring you down...................

 
Old 05-19-2004, 10:47 AM   #28
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Re: What do ya think?

can i just say....what...a...jerk

everybody has made mistakes in their past and there is no way to change the past...but that doesn't mean that you are the same person today...i've made many many mistakes in my past, but i'm not at all the person i used to be...we learn from mistakes (hopefully) and it helps mold who you will become in the future...i hope that came out right...

what i'm trying to say is, he shoulda left the past in the past...and good riddance to him i say...
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Old 05-19-2004, 10:49 AM   #29
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Re: What do ya think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
can i just say....what...a...jerk

everybody has made mistakes in their past and there is no way to change the past...but that doesn't mean that you are the same person today...i've made many many mistakes in my past, but i'm not at all the person i used to be...we learn from mistakes (hopefully) and it helps mold who you will become in the future...i hope that came out right...

what i'm trying to say is, he shoulda left the past in the past...and good riddance to him i say...
You said it right...and Very True...

 
Old 05-19-2004, 06:30 PM   #30
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Re: What do ya think?

Girlharley, thank you so much for the hug, I need all of those I can get right now. And here is a big hug back to you. Thanks to everybody for replying and for the support. I don't know what is wrong with me that I think this is something I can fix. I don't want to be this desperate girl begging for someones love and acceptance.

 
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