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Old 05-06-2004, 10:31 PM   #1
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Dee Mann HB User
Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

How Can I tell if my wife is cheating?

 
Old 05-06-2004, 11:35 PM   #2
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Post Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

That is a hard question. I just recently found out that my boyfriend is cheating bacause I confronted him with it. There are a couple of questions you could concider. Is she comming home very late with no reason given, or even not comming home at all? Are you getting many 'wrong number' phone calls? Is she receiving text messages from a guy and cant/wont explain them?

Look, there are many more questions that you could concider in attempting to decide if she is cheating or not, but the one way to get an answer is to ask her, face to face, and watch her reaction. Saying something like..."I know about him and he told me what is going on between you two" is very confronting and would illicit a responce automatically, however trying something like "honey, please tell me more about what is happening in your day" and then getting her to elaborate on areas that she skims over is also a very good (and non confrontational way) of gauging what she is up to.

The absolute best way to get an answer is just to ask her and explain why you are suspicious, and see if she can explain (not make excuses, but explain) why things have been odd latley.

Hope this helps some.

Last edited by sookchi; 05-06-2004 at 11:37 PM.

 
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Old 05-07-2004, 12:02 AM   #3
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Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

Sookchi,
Thanks for your reply. About 6 months ago she had a different position at her job.She would have to be at work at 5:00 am and she would not get home until sometimes 7:00 or 8:00pm that evening. also, there were alot of wrong numbers. The wrong numbers have stopped and things are kinda back to normal but i can sense that something aint right. Either she is good at deception or I am just overthinking. Thanks for your advise.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 04:53 AM   #4
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Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

DeeMan,
You need to give more info for us to help you. If she had a new positon like you said, was she coming home happy or tired? What was her exuse for going in at 5AM and not getting home till 7 or 8 PM? Could you reach her at work at any time during these working hours?

Was it always a man's voice with the wrong numbers?

If you sense it, it could be but you didn't give enough info to go by.

I can tell you....when my girlfriend was cheating on her husband....She used ME as an exuse....She was very very clever on covering her tracks. I hated the whole situation, the secrets, the lies, the deception, and using me.
I couldn't call the house till I heard from her and then she would TELL ME what to do or say when I did call the house if her husband answered the phone. I knew her long before her husband, I didn't like her husband, he was a jerk, a drunk, very cocky, but still....I myself didn't like being used like that and her husband ended up not liking me thinking "I" was coming between their relationship! She has since divorced her husband and he never did find out about her affair....But when the guy sees me...he is always rude to me and how I would love to tell him the truth!

 
Old 05-07-2004, 06:02 AM   #5
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Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
I can tell you....when my girlfriend was cheating on her husband....She used ME as an exuse....She was very very clever on covering her tracks. I hated the whole situation, the secrets, the lies, the deception, and using me.
I know this is a little off topic of the original post, but I would never consider a person that would ask me to cover for them, a friend. Friends simply do not get others involved in their own misdeeds. Any "friend" that will do this is one not to be trusted. I am sorry you were put in this position. I just would think twice about being an agent of deceit for anyone in the future.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 06:43 AM   #6
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Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

girl harley--my hubby tried using his best friend as an excuse for awhile...when i found that new e mail address and found the porn and dating sites and stuff...he tried convincing me his best friend used the same e mail account...i finally confronted his friend since i'm friends with him too...he admitted he did use the e mail account but not for years and years...so it didn't add up...he got very disappointed when he found out lance was using him as an excuse...half the stuff lance blamed on him he didn't even know about...and he won't cover for lance either...he doesn't want to be the middle-man so to speak...

it's a really crummy situation to be put in...i wouldn't put up with it if a friend asked me to...don't screw up and you don't need cover ups...

as for the original poster, if you sift around you will find that there are several posts about how to tell if your SO is cheating...take care
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Old 05-07-2004, 07:01 AM   #7
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salinas1
I know this is a little off topic of the original post, but I would never consider a person that would ask me to cover for them, a friend. Friends simply do not get others involved in their own misdeeds. Any "friend" that will do this is one not to be trusted. I am sorry you were put in this position. I just would think twice about being an agent of deceit for anyone in the future.

Thanks Salina & excaliburgrl
I totally agree...It was not an easy thing for me to accept what my girlfriend was doing, and I did lose alot of Respect for her. Because I had known her so long (before her marriage) her husband was a total jerk, before she even had the affair I had caught HIM at a bar with another woman while my girlfriend was home carrying HIS CHILD....Two wrongs don't make a right.
I did tell her about him being in a bar w/another woman and you know what.
SHE was in denial! After months of her carrying on with this affair, I had had it with her using me and confronted her on night because I really wanted to go out drinking with her and she couldn't! why? Oh, because she was out with the man the night before and used me as her exuse! This all happened
19yrs ago, we remain friends, but The RESPECT thing for me hasn't never been the same, she thinks of me as One of her Bestfriends still till this day.
I think of her as "just" a friend.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 08:58 AM   #8
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Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

I cheated for one week, then told my husband ( now ex). Don't bash me, I feel sick just thinking about it. I can tell you that week I went on a lot of 'errands' and to see my friends, and was basically was unable to be reached by cell phone and wasn't were I said I'd be. I erased all calls immediately on my cell phone, and had a secret email address. I think a strong signal is if there is a big change in your sex life, either way, more sex or no sex.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 09:10 AM   #9
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Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

Quote:
Originally Posted by desertdweller
I cheated for one week, then told my husband ( now ex). Don't bash me, I feel sick just thinking about it. I can tell you that week I went on a lot of 'errands' and to see my friends, and was basically was unable to be reached by cell phone and wasn't were I said I'd be. I erased all calls immediately on my cell phone, and had a secret email address. I think a strong signal is if there is a big change in your sex life, either way, more sex or no sex.

I'm not going to judge you or bash you. You were honest to share your experince and what happened.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 09:18 AM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

Some people hide it better than others but I would wait to ask before you have more hard evidence. If you ask her now with with out much evidence she may think you lost your trust for her and it could cause a fight.

She may not also be cheating but if you want to find out some more then check to see how many hours she is scheduled to work a week. Then calculated when she starts work to when she comes home. If those numbers are off then you need to ask her if she is going out for ice cream everyday.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 09:38 AM   #11
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Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

Quote:
I think a strong signal is if there is a big change in your sex life, either way, more sex or no sex.
More sex?

 
Old 05-07-2004, 09:44 AM   #12
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

Quote:
Originally Posted by Blizzard45
More sex?
Sex w/a new partner sometimes jumpstarts your libido--if you KWIM....and I've also read (and noticed in my own experience) that the more frequently you HAVE sex, the more frequently you want it....

 
Old 05-07-2004, 10:54 AM   #13
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

not only that, but some guys and girls will have sex more because they are paranoid and think their partner might get suspicious...so they do it more so you automatically think "nope this person isn't cheating"...it's a cover up...i hope that didn't come out confusing
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Old 05-07-2004, 11:02 AM   #14
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

If she brings home a report card with straight "A"s and she also happens to be a natural blonde.... she is cheating.

If her infidelity is in question, that is a harder question to answer. At times you either know it or you don't. Everything else is just speculation and accusations in many cases.

Just kidding about the blondes.

 
Old 05-07-2004, 11:03 AM   #15
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Need advice from all ladies(guys too)

Geez Hoop!! Easy on the blonde jokes! lol Just Kidding!

I meant to add that excaliber and I forgot. Thankyou for covering that point.

 
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