I need some advice. I'm 31 and I live with my boyfriend (33) since last year. We met a couple of years ago, we had a relationship then, we broke up and one year and a half later we were back together.
The thing is that I have a son, 6 years old. And yesterday he left the house after we had an argument. My boy arrived home from school, his daddy picked him up, and when he entered the house, we gave each other a little kiss on the lips. On that precise moment, my kid left, and he told me: "how can you kiss him on the lips after his father did the same, don't you know that his saliva is been there too?".
Imagine, we were on the table having lunch. We left me there, and went to the room. Then, my kid left to his afternoon class and he started talking about the same thing again, expecting me to apologize.
Since I didn't react as he expected, he started yelling, saying awful things, and after a big fight, he left the house. And hasn't returned yet.
Something you shold know is that leaving is his way of dealing with problems, it is not the first time.
We were planning to open and art workshop for kids this week and this morning, he called me to buy from me all the things I got yesterday, when I went shopping for the class we were planning. When I said, "what are you talking about, are you crazy?", he started yelling at me again, and saying terrible things over the phone.
I'm really sad, and also angry. He obvioulsy believes that I'm wrong.
I need some advice. I'm 31 and I live with my boyfriend (33) since last year. We met a couple of years ago, we had a relationship then, we broke up and one year and a half later we were back together.
The thing is that I have a son, 6 years old. And yesterday he left the house after we had an argument. My boy arrived home from school, his daddy picked him up, and when he entered the house, we gave each other a little kiss on the lips. On that precise moment, my kid left, and he told me: "how can you kiss him on the lips after his father did the same, don't you know that his saliva is been there too?".
Imagine, we were on the table having lunch. We left me there, and went to the room. Then, my kid left to his afternoon class and he started talking about the same thing again, expecting me to apologize.
Since I didn't react as he expected, he started yelling, saying awful things, and after a big fight, he left the house. And hasn't returned yet.
Something you shold know is that leaving is his way of dealing with problems, it is not the first time.
We were planning to open and art workshop for kids this week and this morning, he called me to buy from me all the things I got yesterday, when I went shopping for the class we were planning. When I said, "what are you talking about, are you crazy?", he started yelling at me again, and saying terrible things over the phone.
I'm really sad, and also angry. He obvioulsy believes that I'm wrong.
OK, I read your post a third time and I think I got it. Your BF is upset because you kissed your 6 year old on the lips when he entered the house after his father also kissed him as he dropped him off. Your BF is the one that you are having an argument with off and on and he is the one that leaves the house. That's a relief! I thought your 6 year old was the one that up and left.
You are not wrong. He is your child and you shouldn't hold back any love and affection just to satisfy your boyfriend's lack of maturity. Do not give in to his demands at the expense of your son. There was a reason you broke up with him the first time before getting back together again. You need to revisit the past and ask yourself if the BF is really worth keeping around. I wouldn't think so, but that is just my opinion.
Thanks for the observation. My little boy left the house right away because his daddy was waiting for him downstairs (remember I said that he brought him from school?) He just came in to change clothes. The one who walk out of the picture after the argument was my boyfriend.
It sounds like your bf has some serious rage problems. That is something trivial to get so upset about. Imagine what he'll do when the crap really does hit the fan? You should be glad that he's gone. Try to get over him and move on realizing that it is the best thing for both you and your son.
Anyways Kika1973, your boyfriend is just a boyfriend. There is no life long commititment here because he is just a boyfriend. Your son is your life at this point. He will always be there and you are in no wrong doing for showing your love and affection.
Your boyfriend has to realize this child is part of your life and if he wants in on that then he is going have to show more respect. His anger was probably part of since you are with him he expects you to foret about the thing of you past and start with him a new life...The problem is you can't do that because you have a son from a relationship that didn't work. He will always symblize your past. There is nothing wrong with that because he was the only good thing to you that came out of the relationship.
If you BF can't handle the struggles of reality then he should go on with his life so you can meet someone that will. I am not saying to breakup with him but he needs to understand that your son is your pride and joy and nothing will stop that. Ofcourse you will love your BF but you have to love your child also.
I cant imagine anyone being upset over kissing a child for a reason such as that. My guess is this man is jealous to a bad point and if hes just your bf imagine how his actions would be if you were to marry him. You did absolutely nothing wrong at all and never should a woman have to forgo kissing her child for that reason. He has some issues obviously but you have to decide if you want to be a part of his issues. I say move on and find yourself a nice man who wont care that you kiss your own child.
Gee, if it's his "habit" to just leave when he's upset, I'd be sure I was prepared to have the locks changed as soon as he left the next time.
Possessiveness scares the living crap out of me because I've seen it at it's worst. He has real issue with you having any sort of past with any man other than him... It is NOT realistic and it won't get much better.
Been there.
Three things
1. Boyfriend needs anger management
2. You need to be ready for a life of emotional abuse since he doesn't seem to think he has a problem.
3. Your child sees this so he's learning from him.
You need to make a decision on what's more important here.
Think about it. Your BF got upset because he could possibly have his fathers saliva on his mouth when you kissed your son??? How utterly ridiculous is THAT??? Think about IT. Jealous over saliva? My goodness. The man is a lunatic. Whats next? dont hug your son because your ex could have possibly hugged him goodbye??? I say you have a mighty large problem on your hands hon. Nothing, NO ONE could ever keep me from kissing or hugging my son NO matter WHAT THE REASON. NO MATTER whose saliva he might have had. If he didnt like it, then get the hell out. STAND your ground. YOU did NOTHING wrong. YOUR SON did NOTHING wrong. THAT BF of yours needs to GROW up.
Jen
Think about it. Your BF got upset because he could possibly have his fathers saliva on his mouth when you kissed your son??? How utterly ridiculous is THAT??? Think about IT. Jealous over saliva? My goodness. The man is a lunatic. Whats next? dont hug your son because your ex could have possibly hugged him goodbye??? I say you have a mighty large problem on your hands hon. Nothing, NO ONE could ever keep me from kissing or hugging my son NO matter WHAT THE REASON. NO MATTER whose saliva he might have had. If he didnt like it, then get the hell out. STAND your ground. YOU did NOTHING wrong. YOUR SON did NOTHING wrong. THAT BF of yours needs to GROW up.
Jen
That's exactly what I was thinking: how RIDICULOUS! And that's the behavior of a 33 year old man??? My God, I'm pretty speechless. And to top it all off, he leaves every time you have an argument. He's like a 6 years old boy throwing a temper tantrum. If you marry him, you will have two kids to take care of. Your 6 year old might be the more mature one, comes to think of it.
just a thought....i think this may be the start of a dangerous situation. People like yuor bf need control and this is the start for him to gain his control over you. He isnt your hubby though so there is hope and that means its much easier to get out while you still can. You did nothing wrong and all the other posters here are very right on what they said. Misery likes company and this is your bf way of getting his. But being this way over a ludacris thing such as this means it will only get progressively worse. You dont want that for yourself nor for your son do you? Please do yourself a favor and get out, there arent very many happy endings to these type of stories. Ill be thinking of you and i hope you have it in yourself to egt away from this sick man.
Thank you all for your words. Things are getting pretty much clearer now to me. Yesterday, after I read some of your posts, he called me 4 times, but I decided not to answer the phone or speak to him.
I want to be relaxed in order to give what have happened some serious thoughts.
Again, thank you.
Called four times...Wonderful, not only anger management but now control issues also. I would tread very very carefully and decide just how far I would allow my boundries to be pushed before hitting that "this is now unacceptable" level.
Ridiculous is right. This is Ludicrous and you have a so called boyfriend who is Very Inmature...Please don't say well, I love the guy and he is good at other times...Just the fact that he tooked noticed on your ex giving your son a kiss and then your son gave you a kiss and he made such a comment.
Well, what is going to happen when your son plays sports? Will you not cheer on your son because your ex is also there cheering him on? What about school functions? Will you not be allowed to attend because your ex is also attending...
Honestly, I have heard some good ones before...but this one? Is at the top.
Reconsider your relationship w/this guy...He will make your life miserable if not already...Your SON comes frist...
Take it from a single mother of a son.
okay, everyone pretty much summed up what i was going to say....this guy sounds like he has so many issues....possessive, jealous, immature, etc....i don't think this is somebody you want to stay with....he's your son for gods sakes...let's imagine if you did quit kissing him to please your boyfriend, how would you explain that to your child if he asked...there is no reason to withold love and affection from your child...that's just twisted thinking...i'm sorry you are going thru this...nobody should ever be put in that kind of situation...i'm just glad you aren't going to listen to him...
and about the taking off when he's mad...my hubby used to do that too, but i told him how immature and dangerous that was...i told him one day he would kill somebody cause he was so wrapped up in himself...he doesn't do it anymore...your boyfriend needs to grow up some as well...
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'to really live you must nearly die'-received from a vietnam vet
Actually it doesn't sound like he has a problem with you kissing your son. It sounds like he want control over you and if defy him it makes him angry. If he doesn't want to get help the best thing you could do for you and your son is to cut him loose.
I don't think he has a problem with you kissing your son. Maybe it's kissing him on the mouth that bothers him. No one ever kiss anyone on the mouth, in my family, except for a girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband. Maybe it was the same for him and he grew up like that. If things were different in your family it would be hard for you to understand how your boyfriend feels
Last edited by cloverberry; 05-10-2004 at 01:50 PM.
I don't think he has a problem with you kissing your son. I think it's kissing him on the mouth that bothers him. No one ever kiss anyone on the mouth, in my family, except for a girlfriend/boyfriend or wife/husband. Maybe it was the same for him and he grew up like that. If things were different in your family it would be hard for you to understand how your boyfriend feels.
Kissing your child who is 6yrs old on the mouth is a problem? ummm..
nope...still don't see a problem with what the mother did....
Boyfriend on the other hand...YEAH...he's a problem and has issues.
Kissing your child who is 6yrs old on the mouth is a problem? ummm..
nope...still don't see a problem with what the mother did....
Boyfriend on the other hand...YEAH...he's a problem and has issues.
I don't think the issue is with kissing the child on the mouth, it's a misplaced jealousy issue. She is kissing something that the father of her child kissed, that's the problem. The guy doesn't sound like he's worth worrying about, but then again, I don't really know him other that this posting!
He doesn't want me to kiss my boy (more) 
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