I'm 20 and only in my 2nd serious relationship. I've been so picky with guys and now I've finally found one that I really want to be with in the long-run. We've been dating for over 4 months now and most of the time everything is ok, but we do get into little fights every now and then and although I don't want to break up with him sometimes I act as if I want to. He says that I don't show my feelings enough (I can agree with that) and I act as if I don't care whether we are together or not. I do care, but I also have a very hard time showing it. I am not used to being with someone that won't break my heart, so I still keep my guard up sometimes. I hate that I am that way, but it doesn't help that my boyfriend is very insecure and always thinks I am going to dump him or find someone better. He knows I love him more than anything and I was single for 3 years before I found him, so I hate that he thinks that way. But I guess I make it worse by acting distant and moody sometimes. I just don't know how to change. It's so bad that for some reason I can rarely ever come out and tell him I love him before he says it. I don't understand. I hate not being able to control my own actions. Another thing that makes me mad is that my boyfriend will test me to try and get a reaction out of me and I hate it! He gets jealous of other guys very easily and I don't get that jealous. So since I don't show any jealousy at all he'll say something to try to get me jealous. Then when I don't react he gets mad because he thinks I don't care about anything. This is getting so frustrating. I have to be super careful when it comes to talking about other guys (even ones on T.V.) because he gets jealous, but he can go and say, "Nice butt" about someone on t.v. just to see if I will get mad. It's so dumb and also childish. I want to be able to change the way I react to things and I want to be comfortable expressing my feelings, but it's even harder when my boyfriend acts the way he does. Does anyone have any advice for me? I'd appreciate any help anyone has to offer. Thanks!
Ok, here's what I read: You're happy most of the time, but sometimes you're not. I'm sorry if that's a blunt way to put it, but that's basically it in a nutshell. I don't know anyone in any kind of relationship - romantic or otherwise - that is happy with the other person 100% of the time. What it comes down to is whether the times you are happy outweigh the times you aren't. If it does, then stick through the relationship. If not, I'd suggest bailing. Does the frustration of him trying to get a reaction out of you to see if you're in the relationship with him in the same degree outweigh what you get from the relationship?
The way you react to your boyfriend is the way you react. That is part of who you are. If YOU want to change who you are, then go for it. But if this is something that you want to do to please HIM, there isn't much point in changing. Since it is not something you are committed to changing for yourself, it will become something that you regret, and either you will stop persuing that change in personality, or your anger and frustration over the change will come out in other areas of your relationship.
I wonder, because you're struggling so much with your emotions, if there isn't something going on biologically. Maybe your hormones are out of whack. Maybe there's something bigger. You don't talk much about your emotions, as that's not what this board is for, but I wonder if maybe you have a big enough concern about it that maybe you should see someone professional to help you with that, probably starting with your family doctor. Just an idea. I could be completely off base, though.
I hope this helps in some way. I'm not as much as an advice giver as a person that poses questions more deeply into what's going on.
Your relationship to me is normal. Eventhough you both play cat & mouse games you both get jealous over the opposite sex. Jealousy is somthing that is hard to overcome but you both shouldn't test each other that way. There is nothing wrong with being jealous but just don't do it in a way where it could kill the relationship.
I don't see a huge signs why this relationship wont work. You guys don't have huge fights, you both fight once in a while and there are little(its Normal), and you both are in love.
Its hard to overcome your feelings because thats the type of person you are. Those feelings will change in time but it first takes time.
hello Tawny, I completely agree with your frustration, your boyfriend sounds like a very immature kid, Playing games with you trying to get a rise out of you. I think this type of jealousy is a big "red flag". These things usually get worse. He has low self esteem and expects you to build it up for him. I would be frustrated too, You need to find a guy that is confident with himself, I think this jealousy will get worse, before it gets better. Can't talk about people on T.V? I think that is where it stops being cute, and is obsessive and unhealthy.
It may get worse like Corey said but this to me is still the cat and mouse game. He is very oncesure the way he does stuff and acts but you also have your feeling problems also.
You have have a hard time showing your feelings but that is nothing you can control because you are that tyoe of person. He wants you to be more emotional and carring so he is testing you. By doing these thing he is testing to see how much you care. Now this is just my specualtion but it kinda makes sense.
i was wondering why he would want you to get jealous but i thought about it and answered my own question...jealousy came make some feel like they are cared about...he sounds insecure to me and making you jealous just reinforces to him that you care about him...i noticed several issues with this relationship but they are all relatively small issues at the time being...they can however blow up and like somebody said before me, come out in different areas of the relationship...
you need to sit down and talk to him...and you need to look within yourself to find out why you don't show your feelings much and you sometimes give him the impression you don't care....you made it clear the reason why, so now you just need to figure out how to change it....
'to really live you must nearly die'-received from a vietnam vet
Hey excaliburgirl. good to see you back on this forum, You noticed the other day that I strayed onto another forum and it was too much for me. LoL.
Anyway, You think that this girl having to be careful about what she says, while they are watching t.v. Is a little thing?? I think it is a little thing that is really big. I bet this guy does a lot of other controlling issues that she didn't specify.
Question for the poster. Do you have any other specifics that he shows these jealous behaviors. Does he tell you what to wear? How long your skirt must be? Does he constantly need to compliment him? Things like this?
20 years old and this is only the 2nd serious relationship??
That's not alot of choices before settling for the long run...
Instead of trying to make some red flags look a little better, why not get out there and date around a while?
Seems like it just might be a case of right time/wrong guy to me.
Don't settle !!!