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Old 05-10-2004, 01:51 AM   #1
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ilovemytish HB User
my brother the cheater

ok i got a huge problem,,my family is really close,, we all share a big house. me ,mom,dad,brother,sister-in-law and nephew. we enjoy spending time together and all. my brother is married for 4 years and has a 3yr old,, he married his first everything and he was her first everything. now he is having a mental affair with another woman,, he says she loves him, he loves her,,what ever. hes 24, shes 17. his wife knows and shes suposta go back home(1400 miles away) for a month and a half to take care of her sick family. they have agreed (dont know how much of them acuatly agreed or one gave in) to seperat for the time to explore feelings. i told him if him and his wife have problems and split,,be a man and do it with a clear mind and not with another woman waiting. iam starting to loose respect for my brother,,were 13 months apart and are bestfriends. i dont know what to do this is tearing me apart. i feel bad for all of them,,this will really hurt my family, and i wish my brother would respect his wife and try to work it out with out the other woman waiting,, the if its still bad then good trems can be had when they split.. but he seems aginst it . he said he could leve both of them and be happy,,i told him to do that ,,that was cool..then he kept kalking about the other woman and i told him he was the [removed] ive ever know and left.....god i need help



sorry this is typed so bad ,, my sister in law just left and took the nephew ive helped raise and have seen every day with he that might be the last time i ever see him

Last edited by Guardian; 05-10-2004 at 06:37 AM. Reason: Please keep in mind certain words are considered offensive. Alternate spelling does not make those words acceptable.

 
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Old 05-10-2004, 04:52 AM   #2
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Salinas1 HB User
Re: my brother the cheater

Infidelity has tentacles that are far reaching. It affects many family members in painful ways. It is also custom made for cowards. Your advice to him was right on when you told him to handle this like a man. Fine if he eventually leaves his wife, but just do it with dignity without getting immediately involved with the other women. You have a right to feel hurt, but your hurt feelings will likely do little to change the situation. Be there for your sister in law and nephew as much as you can. Though they are no longer with you physically, you can still offer them your full support.

As hard as it is, it would be good if you can detach somewhat from your brother's actions. He will do what he will do. I'm sure it must be difficult in your household at this time.

 
Old 05-10-2004, 09:54 AM   #3
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Re: my brother the cheater

Ok your brother does need help. For the sake of the child that is envolved it is great that his son is in a house with a big family. Let the mother go because she will clear her head on her leave and this will allow your brother to do the same and see what he really want.

He made a mistake though....He is 24 and still wants to live a high school party life but being married and having a child it wont happen...So where does that lead to, a girl who is 17.

If these to are having the relationship that I am think and she is under 18 he may get in trouble. Some states have age of consent but there are age limits to where that goes. This girl may be in love with him but she is still young. This is problably her first love or at least her first guy who somewhat paid attention for her.

As a sister don't lose him. For some reason he is confused about his life and needs some guidence. This 17 ys fling needs to go before he get thrown in the penner for it. If they were just hanging then there is no wrong but we know thats not the case. You and the others need to help for the next month. Give him the right direction...If he fails then just let him go...maybe that what he wants.

 
Old 05-10-2004, 10:49 AM   #4
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Re: my brother the cheater

ok my sister in law came back shes not going to her family,,,,my brother has been banished from the house (yes like survivor)so iam happy today with my nephew running around yelling uncle dave.. as for the teenie bopper,this is not her first fling shes engaged,has been for like 9 months.. but our family took a vote and when my brother gets off work,,he will be told he is not allowed here,cheating is not acceptable in our family,,, i wish he would clear his mind and handle this like a man..if he left on bad marrige terms,,ok,,but hes leaving with a clouded mind as a cheater :<i pimp slap brother>;

 
Old 05-10-2004, 11:39 AM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: my brother the cheater

[QUOTE=ilovemytish he will be told he is not allowed here,cheating is not acceptable in our family,,, i wish he would clear his mind and handle this like a man..if he left on bad marrige terms,,ok,,but hes leaving with a clouded mind as a cheater :<i pimp slap brother>;[/QUOTE]



Your brother is not is the right state of mind and he does need to have a wake up call. With him leaving could be the key thing for him to wake up. Cheating is very bad and this need to stop or he needs to stop the marriage.

 
Old 05-10-2004, 11:49 AM   #6
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Re: my brother the cheater

jeff brought up something that i wouldn't have thought about otherwise...maybe it's the stress of having a family that is driving him up the wall...he's going for younger women cause maybe he wants to feel young and party again...i'm not saying that's an excuse...there's no excuse for cheating...

but maybe something can be done about this if that's the case...maybe they should get a babysitter once in a while and go out doing things they enjoy alone....maybe start having a poker night....something, anything that can make him feel unburdenend

i hope that he can figure out what he's doing and try to change himself...
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Old 05-10-2004, 12:22 PM   #7
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Re: my brother the cheater

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
..maybe it's the stress of having a family that is driving him up the wall...he's going for younger women cause maybe he wants to feel young and party again...i'm not saying that's an excuse...there's no excuse for cheating...

Its true but then still no excuse....This guy needs a wake up call where his family, child, and wife leave him where he is left to nothing. This is no way to treat anyone. If he just wants out then leave instead of cheating.

I personally kinda feel bad because this guy is in a tough position now. Now I am suspecting but I am sure he and the 17 yr are having s** which means it could be illeagal where you live. If so then he may not want to just drop her. If he does she could come right back at him accusing him of rape or any that was force. I hate to sound harsh but its true and thats the world. The worse thing he can do is play with a minors head and then P*** her off.

Something like this will take time. He is caught up here and its his fault. Like I said he needs to have a wake up call. It should be bad but he has to learn to care for others and just not his needs.

 
Old 05-10-2004, 12:54 PM   #8
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Re: my brother the cheater

...somebody should tell the 17 yr old-teenagers parents she is involved with a 24 yr old married man, breaking up a family and who knows what else....Maybe they will ground her and withhold her allowance until she graduates high school...

 
Old 05-10-2004, 01:04 PM   #9
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Re: my brother the cheater

gemi-how would we know though that her parents even care...or how do we know she's even living at home or in high school...i was outta high school and on my own before i turned 18...
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Old 05-10-2004, 01:23 PM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: my brother the cheater

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gemi
...somebody should tell the 17 yr old-teenagers parents she is involved with a 24 yr old married man, breaking up a family and who knows what else....Maybe they will ground her and withhold her allowance until she graduates high school...

Even if her parents did care I am sure that this guy is just as fault here. This guy is 24 and has been married with a kids. She is 17 and hasn't seen any of that yet probably. His mind is saying "ahhhhh young girl & I am sick" and "she is saying "ahhhh older married man, nice way to impress friends."

I am sure she never had the liking of an older man and thats why she sucked right into it.

Last edited by eightball61; 05-10-2004 at 01:25 PM.

 
Old 05-10-2004, 03:11 PM   #11
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Re: my brother the cheater

the 17 yeard olds parents like my brother,,there not bumpin stick and hole yet,,,he would of bragged about that,,i knew of this a long time ago and tried my best to stop it,, but he sees her 6 hours a day,,hes her boss,,so he just keeps getting deeper,,its a mental affair with some making out,,he will be home in a bit to find his stuff thrown on the porach..i just cant get it to him this strong feeling he has will go away with the next cosmo the 17yr old reads that says its cool to be single. i hate loosing my brother ,but my sister-n-law and nephew are staying.. maybe he just needs some good old fashion convincing,maybe battered and bursed he will get the point

 
Old 05-10-2004, 03:20 PM   #12
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eightball61 HB User
Re: my brother the cheater

Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovemytish
the 17 yeard olds parents like my brother,

Well its good that they are not having s** but do they know he is married and has a child? I know my parents wouldnt be hogged wild of that. If they still don't care at that point then there may not be much you can do. Things need to be hard for him to get a wake up call.

Its not all about convincing..this is his life and if he sees happiness on the other side of track then let him be. It is wrong to cheat and what he is doing but you can't force someone to be somthing there not. Its suck that I am saying this but its true. Just let him figure it out. You guys are doing the right thing

Hope the you have him an umbrela

 
Old 05-10-2004, 05:04 PM   #13
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Re: my brother the cheater

YOu keep saying it is a mental affair, yet you also mentioned that they are making out.... if so, isn't it then considered a physical affair regardless of wether they have had sex or not?
Well, have you guys kicked him out yet? And what does his wife think of that plan? And will she be comfortable living with her in laws without her husband there... doesnt' seem like she would want to do that.... doesnt she have parents of her own?

 
Old 05-10-2004, 05:18 PM   #14
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Re: my brother the cheater

Wait he's this girl's boss? Well I don't know what he does for a living but most places he could get into a lot of trouble for that alone.

But I mostly just wanted to post and say how great I think it is of your family to take this stand with him and support your sister-in-law.

I know this sucks and hopefully your brother will wake up and get a clue here and get some help.

Keep us posted

 
Old 05-10-2004, 09:18 PM   #15
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Re: my brother the cheater

her parents know hes married ,,and shes engaged,,they think its none of their business. and yeah he could get in a lot of trouble at work. oh well,, he came over and told his wife hes been thinking and he doesnt want to loose everything and he dosent want to seprate,,she told him to get lost,, i feel for my brother but hes wrong

 
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