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Old 05-11-2004, 09:30 AM   #1
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mouse62 HB User
Big Mouth Caterer

When my husband drove home the woman who catered my parents' 50th anniversary party, she told him that my mother doesn't like him because he doesn't work. Now he is furious with my mother and will likely avoid my parents for awhile.

BTW, he does work part time (from 1995 to 2000 he worked full time and I part time, then we switched) and he now does the bulk of the domestic cleaning; if he were the woman/wife I bet no one would even notice our arrangement (I work full time & have the benefits for the family). Whereas my mother sat on the sofa for 50 years while my father was the sole breadwinner! -- but I know her big mouth and that she likely did gossip behind our backs to the caterer and anyone else in earshot.

My problem is that I am really angry with the caterer but don't know what to do. I am more angry with her than with my mother. What in God's name motivated her to spread family gossip that way? I would like to do something to make sure she does not get hired by anyone I know.

Anyone have anything like this happen? The whole day was going nicely, then ended with me having to listen to my husband ranting and raving for hours after the party. The caterer spoiled the day.

 
Old 05-11-2004, 09:46 AM   #2
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Re: Big Mouth Caterer

Quote:
Originally Posted by mouse62
The caterer spoiled the day.
No, your husband's reaction to what the caterer told him spoiled the day. She may have been being sure she understood your mother right, she may have thought she was helping by sharing this information, or she may actually have been trying to be mean spirited. Regardless, your husand's reaction to the information is his responsibility, not hers.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mouse62
What in God's name motivated her to spread family gossip that way?
Ask her, calmly. Then take the opportunity to suggest that it's good for business to behave in a professional way and not become involved in her customers' personal matters.

 
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Old 05-11-2004, 09:54 AM   #3
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mouse62 HB User
Re: Big Mouth Caterer

Yes, I agree, my husband is responsible for overreacting. He spoiled his own day. I felt bad for maybe a half hour after then I pushed it out of my mind.

I can't imagine calling the caterer personally and discussing this. However, that does sound like a good thing to do all around -- I'll think about it tonight.

 
Old 05-11-2004, 09:54 AM   #4
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promisez HB User
Re: Big Mouth Caterer

Quote:
Originally Posted by mouse62
but I know her big mouth and that she likely did gossip behind our backs to the caterer and anyone else in earshot.
Why am I finding it so difficult to believe you and/or your husband weren't already aware of this because reading your post almost tells me you knew and were very much aware of how she felt about him and your situation. But you kept it quiet to "protect" him and you are now upset because he heard it from someone other than you? If thats the case stop assigning the blame to others and if its not the case at least your husband now knows how she honestly feels about him, even if it did come from a caterer. At least he knows someone was honest here and he can make further decisions based upon the real facts. His reaction spoiled the day, not the caterer in my humble opinion

 
Old 05-11-2004, 10:19 AM   #5
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Re: Big Mouth Caterer

IT was out of her place to tell him. What motivated her to do so is beyond me but people like to gossip and get a conversation going. Out of speculation maybe she likes him and she couldn't figure anything else to talk about since I am assuming the car ride was quiet.

This here will always be a never ending war with family's. Some family's will never accept your spouse nor may your spouse to accept them. You are there baby and they went you to have the best but if your happy then don't worry about her and explain that to your husband.

 
Old 05-11-2004, 10:24 AM   #6
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Re: Big Mouth Caterer

yes i have to agree with jeff....it's your marriage and not your mother's...i'm in kinda the same boat...i haven't worked for almost a year now (i've been looking for work though) and MY dad has been getting on my case to get a job...he says it's not right for my hubby to have to take care of me...but once again, it's my marriage...my hubby has no problem with me being a stay at home wife...

it was a little wrong for the caterer to say anything to your husband...she sounds like a big gossiper...but it wasn't proffesional at all for her to bring that into the workplace...
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Old 05-11-2004, 10:41 AM   #7
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Re: Big Mouth Caterer

hi ECG

Why are you in the same boat?

 
Old 05-11-2004, 10:50 AM   #8
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Salinas1 HB User
Re: Big Mouth Caterer

Quote:
Originally Posted by mouse62
My problem is that I am really angry with the caterer but don't know what to do. I am more angry with her than with my mother. What in God's name motivated her to spread family gossip that way? I would like to do something to make sure she does not get hired by anyone I know.
While I agree 100% that the caterer was completely unprofessional and out of line for gossiping to your husband, your mother is more culpable here. She gossiped outside the family. The caterer has no tie to you. Your mother has absolutely no defense for talking about her daughter’s husband to a stranger. I understand why you wold be very upset with the caterer. But I see this a little like the cheating husband and the other women that the wife wants to blame. It is your mother that spoke out of the family and this is more out of line in my book. It does not lessen what the caterer did, but I think the finger should first point to the source of the gossip - Your mother.

 
Old 05-11-2004, 10:56 AM   #9
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Re: Big Mouth Caterer

We don't want to cut off my parents because our two children love them and love going to their house. Also I tolerate my mother even knowing her shortcomings. But to see them every week or so and then hear she said that to someone not even a relative or a close friend -- that's what my husband can't stand. Yep, once again it comes back to my mother's big mouth. I am good at blocking it out after 41 years!

 
Old 05-11-2004, 11:05 AM   #10
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Salinas1 HB User
Re: Big Mouth Caterer

Quote:
Originally Posted by mouse62
We don't want to cut off my parents because our two children love them and love going to their house. Also I tolerate my mother even knowing her shortcomings. But to see them every week or so and then hear she said that to someone not even a relative or a close friend -- that's what my husband can't stand. Yep, once again it comes back to my mother's big mouth. I am good at blocking it out after 41 years!
There is no need for your husband to be a baby about this. But if I were he, I would honor your mother for being your mother and his children's grandmother, but I would hold no respect for her.

 
Old 05-11-2004, 11:30 AM   #11
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Big Mouth Caterer

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salinas1
There is no need for your husband to be a baby about this. But if I were he, I would honor your mother for being your mother and his children's grandmother, but I would hold no respect for her.

Its true Salinas there is not need to be a baby over this because he has what he wants and thats her. Somtimes though, there are some that spend a lot of time trying to impress others and if they don't suceeced then they get very heartbroken over the efforts. He may has tried several times.

 
Old 05-11-2004, 06:46 PM   #12
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Re: Big Mouth Caterer

LOL
Thanks for the laughs! Mouse.

How are you doing in your coworker environment situation from your previous posts? Have things improved for you? I hope so.

 
Old 05-12-2004, 08:52 AM   #13
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Re: Big Mouth....

It sounds like an issue with your mother, more then some stranger. Don't shoot the messenger, as the saying goes. From his reaction, that was a revelation to him. It's good he was made aware of what people really think of him, so he knows the truth of it, to know the phony bologna...

If your mother is the bigmouth you say you know she is, why are you not upset with her? The caterer clued your husband in and you want to yell at the caterer? Your mother criticized your husband, to whomever, maybe to a room full of people? Whose fault is that. Do you think they (the guests) think more of him by not telling him? What an embarrassment for your husband to deal with. It was your mother who gave the caterer an earful and she was wrong do that. Why have it out with the caterer, what purpose will that serve? The caterer told him in the car ride, in private. If you want to clear the air, have a sit down with your mother and tell her how you feel about her bad mouthing your husband, unless you agree with her in some way...

If the caterer spread that information around at the party, that's different. If your mother spoke that way in front of everyone about your husband, he's probably feeling humiliated. Maybe you should to tell her what you said here about her sitting on the couch for 50yrs. Is that what you think of her? Sound like 2 of the same cloth. If I were you, I would confront this issue with your mother and tell her to not speak that way about your husband again. Your husband has a right to his feelings about not wanting to see your mother for a while, he's been insulted-she talked about him behind his back. She's been found out and brought it on herself.

Last edited by Gemi; 05-12-2004 at 09:09 AM.

 
Old 05-13-2004, 11:45 AM   #14
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Re: Big Mouth Caterer

oh jeff, didn't get back to this post until now...i'm in the same boat cause i'm constantly getting criticism for not working...but the difference is, it's my family doing it and they aren't going behind my back to show their displeasure...it's my marriage not my parents'
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Old 05-13-2004, 12:25 PM   #15
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Re: Big Mouth Caterer

My in-laws have said awful things to me over the years. I am also aware that because of the way I was raised I am extremely thin-skinned - or at least I WAS - until I spent 14 yrs being insulted by my husband's family. They would be amazed to know how much they used to hurt my feelings because with only one exception I've tried very hard not to let it show.
Your mother isn't going to change - neither are my in-laws.
Your husband would benefit from toughening up his skin layers a bit if possible...
I will never be able to feel like "friends" with any of my in-laws, but I DO manage to coexist on occasions and holidays with them - and believe me, I'm still always relieved to get away...

 
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