I've been dating my girlfriend for about 4 months now. About 6 weeks ago, an opportunity came up where a friend of a friend was looking for a place to stay. I offered to have her move into the empty room in my house to help me save some money on rent. I wasn't sure how likely it would be that she would move in. I mean, why would a girl want to move in with 2 guys who she barely knows?
When the opportunity first came up, I mentioned it to my girlfriend that this roommate might be moving in. She said that she didn't really like the idea. Apparently I misevaluated how much this would bother her. I never mentioned the situation to her again until the roommate moved in about a month later. Girlfriend became very upset. We've almost broken up a couple times about this. We are still together, but the topic still comes up, and she's still pretty upset and jealous over the situation.
Unfortunately, the extra money is helpful to me and I made a promise to let the girl move in, so it seems unfair to suddenly change my mind now that she has moved in.
Is my girlfriend being unreasonably jealous about this situation? Did I just handle things wrong? Any clues how to fix the situation?
For the record, I am 32 years old. Girlfriend is 33. Roommate is 25.
What a mess.
You asked your g/f first if she would be okay with it and she said no. At that point is when you should have respected her feelings and not have the girl move in. But you didn't think she'd get that mad and now you've got a roommate who you can't just kick out and a ****** off g/f. I don't think she is being that jealous, she told you up front she wasn't cool with the idea. The only advice I can give you to fix the situation is to have your g/f get to know this girl more. Maybe then, she'll feel more comfortable when she knows the girl who is living with you. Good luck.
I didn't really ask my girlfriend if it was OK. More, it was that I told her that this might happen. I knew she didn't love the idea, but I didn't think it would be a huge deal.
When I first offered the room to the roommate, I never considered my girlfriend. Never thought it would be a factor. Didn't think it should affect her. I usually stay at my girlfriend's house, she rarely comes to my house because she has a son, and it works out better that way.
Obviously, I totally miscalculated things. She doesn't want to break up, but she is just really bothered. She wants the roommate to go away, but I expect her to stay for up to 6 months.
To me, this seems to be a petty situation. I wonder if she is always going to act this way in situations where jealousy could arise. I sometimes wonder if I should continue to pursue the relationship for fear she's too clingy.
Its true to what elatedgiraffe is sayinf and you should have thought about her feeling much more. But now its the damage is done and she is in so we have to focus on what to do here...
I understand your girlfriend being upset and JEALOUS. I highlight that because this is more to the issue. I would be floored if my GF moved in with a guy roomate. I would be wonder the whole time what is going on and why wasn't I asked to move in.
You don't see it like she sees it but lets look at it this way. How would you like your GF just to move in with 2 guy roomates?
When your g/f stated she wasn't thrilled with the idea. Would you be cool with another man living at her house? Personally, I would not like the idea of my boyfriend renting a room out to woman, especially if shes available, etc. My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years. He wouldn't like it if I had a male room mate and he is not the jealous type at all. Like you said, the roommate will be there at least 6 months and your girlfriend is really bothered by it so I think it will be an ongoing problem. Trust is an important aspect of a relationship. I don't think it is a petty situation you are in. This is just my opinion. Its up to you if you think she may become too clingy and if she is over reacting. Personally, I don't think she is and has every right to feel bothered.
How would you feel if your girlfriend had a young 25yr old hot male move in with her? That is what you need to ask yourself.
OH, I see...that wouldn't happen because your girlfriend is reponsible because she has a son and wouldn't do that TO YOU...
As long as your happy, having a female room mate who is helping with the rent your shifting the blame all on jealousy w/her girlfriend.
Then PAL, you really don't know woman. Your girlfriend is not wrong with how she feels, she is not clingy, and you did handle it wrong...
Since you can't have the new female roomate move out for at least 6months, and if you Really like this girl your dating and value her feelings, time spent with her, or are in love w/her (you didn't mention love) I would be considering some big time butt kissing to your girlfriend.....
But, that is my opionion and maybe others won't think like me.
As I am seeing here you are like me...lol You don't think before you act. I am sure you are just being a nice guy and giving her a place to stay with no string attatch but when you are taken it is seen a totally different way.
I am sure she trust you but something like this will cause problems in any type of relationship. You both need to talk and see what the best solution is. It maybe that you have to let that girl leave or you may have to leave yourself.
She was in a bad relationship with a guy who cheated on her. She has been out of that for many years.
Thats what I wanted to hear and this is why she is this way. She has been torn before by a cheater and doesn't want to suffer that again. What you need to do is make it right and have the girl leave if you want to stay with your GF.
So you have quite the situation happening! I have to tell you that as a young lady with children, you really made a wrong move! I agree with girlharley, also with Jeff. The fact that she has been in a relationship and burned before by cheating, should tell you right there, stay away from other females in any relationship other then casual friendships, which you should include your girlfriend into those casual friendships as well to avoid any unintentional pain.
Your girlfriend is also probably trying to look to the best interest of her son! If you will have another woman live in your home, knowing that it is hurting her, then how does she know that you will draw the line with this girl at friendship?
She will not want to stay that close to you knowing that you didnt give her the respect about her feelings towards the situation, she may distance herself and her son from you in anticipation of being burned again. You see, for single mothers in relationships, we have to protect our children from being hurt from the outcome of our choices too. She may fear that you may cheat as well like her ex did, and then have to lose you, as well as have to have her son lose you! It hurts us moms to see our children hurt, and by the relationship ending, her son could get hurt to if he is getting close to you. So think about this as you are trying to put yourself in her shoes, you only have to worry about you, she has to worry about herself and her son. I hope this helps to put things into perspective for you. By the way, just because she is your friends girlfriend doesnt mean a thing, your girlfriend may be worried about the moves this girl may put on you! Maybe just maybe, it might not be you at all that she doesnt trust. Good luck!