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Old 05-12-2004, 11:20 AM   #1
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Destea HB User
He leaves in a week...

Well, anyone who knew about my worries and stress over this trip my boyfriend has had scheduled - it's coming up as of next Wednesday morning. He'll be on the plane and out of contact for 25 days in South America.

Between the original worry of just the trip itself (being so long), he's also gone into escrow on a 1bd house - which closes this Friday, he leaves next week, so we'll be moving him in all of the last weekend he's in the country.

Yesterday, I felt fine. I was accepting it, I was trying to keep a bright face and outlook on the whole crappy situation. I wasn't feeling abandoned, or bitter, or sad or anything. Just accepting and normal.

I do not feel that way today. I feel just overly upset about the whole situation, and especially sad that it's coming so soon. Sure, the sooner it comes the sooner it can be over - I'd be lying if I said the past two months haven't been rough for our relationship as a result of this trip. I'll be glad when it's over and done with, frankly. But still... my birthday seems entirely insignificant to me this year. Why bother?

I've tried to fill up the month with random things, but I'm sure I'll be spending a lot of time alone at home. This sucks. It's sort of a catch 22. I'm a somewhat social person, but it is difficult for me to go out every single night and be with random people constantly - it's very hard. That's why I enjoy having my relationship so much, it's nice to be able to relax and not be social at home with the love of my life. It's going to be hard not having that for a month, it's sad, really. I probably will go out a lot, and I'm sure I'll have fun, but right now it just doesn't seem to matter.

He has only one week left and it's getting harder and harder to try to put on a happy face for all of HIS exciting news. HIS new house, HIS wonderful vacation and adventure... that's great, good for him, but I feel so left behind in so many ways, but there is nothing either of us can do about it.

He asked me last night if I was driving him to the airport (about 2 hours away in medium traffic). I told him I didn't think I could. Mostly because I know myself, and I know the second he disappears from sight and I have to drive away I'm going to be a mess. I don't feel comfortable having to get out of the airport lot and back onto busy freeways in that kind of condition. It just doesn't seem safe. He seemed surprised and a little disappointed that I wasn't going to drive him, he's trying to figure out another way now - and yes I'd love to be with him until the last second he's around, but it's just ... it doesn't seem possible. What's an extra two hours when he's gone 25 days anyway huh?

I feel very, very sad today. I wish he wasn't going for so long.

On a very small bright note, at least the 6 days of camping on a beautiful beach in Columbia (a national park) - won't be spent with just his friend and some girl he's never met. The bride and groom of the wedding he's attending (that started this whole stupid mess :P) will also be going - and the random girl is a good friend of the brides, I feel much better about that at least.

I have things I can do, and I know I'll be fine, but today... it all just feels unbearable, and I don't know what to do.

Any advice...?

 
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Old 05-12-2004, 11:26 AM   #2
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promisez HB User
Re: He leaves in a week...

Forgive yourself for projecting non existent outcomes and fears, acceptance of the situation, trust in him and drink LOTS of caramel cappuccinos.
Hope that helps a bit

 
Old 05-12-2004, 11:44 AM   #3
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Re: He leaves in a week...

Stop worry about it and you won't feel like this. This is the a challenge of trust in the relationship and if you say you trust him allready then why are you worrying. Let him go for 25 days...this time will allow you to enjoy time alone and spend with a few friends.

 
Old 05-12-2004, 11:46 AM   #4
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Re: He leaves in a week...

This has nothing to do with trust .. I just don't want him to leave because I'm going to miss his company terribly as he's become a part of my daily life for a year now.

Where does trust fit in? I know he's coming back, and I know he loves me - but that doesn't make him leaving any easier.

 
Old 05-12-2004, 11:47 AM   #5
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Re: He leaves in a week...

Can you get someone else to drive him to the airport but go along with them? Then you'd still be able to be there at the airport for his goodbye but you wouldn't have to drive yourself home afterwards? I find airport driving to be very stressful anyway. But, with the security the way things are these days, it isn't as if you get to walk him to the gate or plane and wait while he boards anyway. All you can do is drop him off.

As for being without him for this period of time, if it were me, I'd use the time to do new things or do things that he doesn't like to do but you do. For example, if I was alone for a while (being alone for a few days sounds like heaven to me) then I would read books that I've been wanting to read, go to movies that my husband would never dream of wanting to see, maybe even take a small trip by myself. I'd look at it as an opportunity rather than dwelling on not being able to see him.

 
Old 05-12-2004, 12:04 PM   #6
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Re: He leaves in a week...

Well I have some things planned, and I'm sure it'll be okay... just right now.. blah

 
Old 05-12-2004, 12:13 PM   #7
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Re: He leaves in a week...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Destea
Well I have some things planned, and I'm sure it'll be okay... just right now.. blah

Please stop thinking about it and enjoy your time now

 
Old 05-12-2004, 12:22 PM   #8
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Re: He leaves in a week...

Actually when I said trust in him, I meant it as him taking care of himself and not placing himself in any "situations". Certain areas in South America have been known to take American hostages for years. I should have explained that further, I'm sorry ( me bad, spank spank)

 
Old 05-12-2004, 12:24 PM   #9
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Re: He leaves in a week...

Oh it's okay, I was referring to Jeff's post anyway

What's worse is the day he gets back, after being one nearly a month, we have to go to his friends Graduation party.

Literally like an hour after he arrives in town, we drive home, get him showered and changed, and go visit with his friends.

Priorities, eh...?

 
Old 05-12-2004, 12:27 PM   #10
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Re: He leaves in a week...

Yes, but don't forget one thing. you get him that night.....alone

ps: Jeff may have been thinking along the same lines as me

Last edited by promisez; 05-12-2004 at 12:28 PM.

 
Old 05-12-2004, 12:34 PM   #11
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Smile Re: He leaves in a week...

I went to basic training two years ago. My then boyfriend, now husband was so upset he couldn't drive me to the airport. My best friend had to. We had minimal communication. I couldn't write to him the first three weeks, but could read his after two. I got a phone call maybe once a week for like ten-thiry minutes. He kept himself busy. It wasn't as hard on me because I was constantly doing something. I was gone about 46 days. As soon as I got back into town, I went to my brother's baseball game! Anyway, everything will be fine...just stay busy!!!

 
Old 05-12-2004, 02:47 PM   #12
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Re: He leaves in a week...

Hi Destea - sorry your having a bad day...Your going to have good days and bad days while your boyfriend is gone...You got the butterflies and the anticipation of his departure that is getting you down...I can't offer you any words of wisdom as I would feel like you too....Try to make the best of it while you have him with you....

While he is gone...Just think...You have a boyfriend in South America...
Your outlook is good, you are trying to keep yourself busy...again...
You will have good days and bad...But, at least you can count the days he will be back...Because He Is coming back to YOU. You may find yourself missing him less in a couple of weeks as you adjust to him not around and
JUST when you get used to him gone...HE's Back!

Hang In there and check in on the boards when your boyfriend is gone and your feeling lonely...Do alot of reading or at least attempt to "try" to read some good books to pass the lonely nights...Rent movies...You will be fine and before you know it...You will be posting next month that he's back and all the goodies he brought you...

 
Old 05-12-2004, 02:50 PM   #13
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Re: He leaves in a week...

Thank you GirlH - that was actually very uplifting, I appreciate it. I feel a little more validated after reading that. But you're right, there will be good and bad days... I'll just try to make the best of it.

I have all 6 seasons of Sex in the City on my Netflix list, ready to send in as of next week when he leaves :P At the very least, I'll have them!

 
Old 05-12-2004, 02:54 PM   #14
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promisez HB User
Re: He leaves in a week...

or get a motorcycle license and the next time he says "I wish we could go for a ride" just say "Sure hon, lets go rent a bike, I have the license if you'll buy the leathers"

 
Old 05-12-2004, 02:56 PM   #15
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Destea HB User
Re: He leaves in a week...

Haha, I've wanted to geta license, he freaked over the idea of me on a street bike, before he didn't even want to teach me how to dirt bike (I have since learned to drive one, at least) - but once I said I was thinking of getting licensed he was all gung ho for dirt bikes :P

I'm actually taking Surfing Lessons, my birthday is the week after he leaves and I've asked everyone to chip in for a board, I've been out a few times with no formal lessons (he taught me the basics but... can't go out without a board!). So yeah, lessons... hopefully lots of surfing...a new hobby to come out of this if nothing else.

 
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