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Old 05-13-2004, 06:33 PM   #1
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leelandrover HB User
Boyfriend has bad relationship with father,please help

My boyfriends dad and him arent close at all.They live together,they always have but it seems like his dad doesnt know how to be a dad.Theyre rich people and he supports his family well but when I asked my bf about any fond memories that he had of him and his father he really didnt have any and that really upsets him.He helps his dad out around the house and yard but he says they are both very distant.My bf's dad had a bad childhood with an alcoholic father and he doesnt have much self esteem.My bf's dad is also alot older than most peoples fathers,hes in his mid 60's,my bf is 20.He has tried to talk to his mom about it and she has talked to his dad but still,no closeness.He said one time that they were supposed to go to an auction out of town and my bf was really excited that it was just going to be the two of them but when he got in the truck his dad had a friend with him.I think his dad is kind of afraid to be alone with his son.I really want to help him out and help him to have a good relationship with his father.Why is his dad like this and is there anything i can do to help?
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Old 05-14-2004, 09:19 AM   #2
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Boyfriend has bad relationship with father,please help

This is unforchante because there really isn't much more that you can do. This is something that these two as father and son is going to have to work out.

Your BF has tried to work things out but his father seems to never follow through. Its hard to tell why he is like this but it could be a mental thing and the way his father treated him as a kid. If your boyfriend has been trying a long time to help this out and nothing has worked then I am afraid to say maybe it wont.

Has your boyfriend tried to have a one on one with his father to see why he is like this? If not, then he maybe its time this talk comes up.

Last edited by eightball61; 05-14-2004 at 11:17 AM.

 
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Old 05-14-2004, 11:14 AM   #3
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Salinas1 HB User
Re: Boyfriend has bad relationship with father,please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by leelandrover
Why is his dad like this and is there anything i can do to help?
1. Why is his dad like this? This can only be answered with a great depth of knowledge of your bf's dad. We cannot begin to offer why he is like this. Dozens of possible reasons and every one of them would be entirely speculation. Some might be able to give you anecdotal examples of their own similar circumstances. But none could be well applied to a person we do not know.

2. Is there anything you can do. You can be a support to your bf, but you cannot make a difference in a relationship between son and father as an outsider. Wish there was, but there isn't.

I know you feel for your bf. That is noble. But to do something about it is like asking how you can make a drunk stop drinking. You just can't. He and his father are in complete control of the outcome of their relationship. Not likely an outside influence with do much to change things between them.

Maybe a different outlook on your bf part is the best approach to take.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 11:19 AM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Boyfriend has bad relationship with father,please help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salinas1
1. Why is his dad like this? This can only be answered with a great depth of knowledge of your bf's dad. We cannot begin to offer why he is like this. Dozens of possible reasons and every one of them would be entirely speculation. Some might be able to give you anecdotal examples of their own similar circumstances. But none could be well applied to a person we do not know.

2. Is there anything you can do. You can be a support to your bf, but you cannot make a difference in a relationship between son and father as an outsider. Wish there was, but there isn't.

I know you feel for your bf. That is noble. But to do something about it is like asking how you can make a drunk stop drinking. You just can't. He and his father are in complete control of the outcome of their relationship. Not likely an outside influence with do much to change things between them.

Maybe a different outlook on your bf part is the best approach to take.

Good advice & better worded than I would put it.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 12:03 PM   #5
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Boyfriend has bad relationship with father,please help

I can relate to this and know why you want to help.

My ex-husband had the same problem with his dad. All you can do is be there for your boyfriend. I did not like my ex-father in law because of this.
He just ignored his son and I didn't understand it either. My ex would try so hard to get his attention but he was always ignored. Problem w/my ex's dad,
he had a wonderful relationship with my ex's sister! They went everywhere together, did everything, the mother didn't say much either.

It really effects on the self esteem and self worth. All I can say is my ex promised he would NOT be like his father when he had children...Well, we do have a child together and he kept his word...He lives, sleeps, and breathes for my son..too much..He spoils our son rotten because he tries so hard NOT to be his dad...I have told him..He is NOT like his dad but needs to set limits on spoiling our son.

Sorry I don't have much more to offer in advise..Just love him and support him emotionally that is all you can do.
take care...

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:04 PM   #6
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: Boyfriend has bad relationship with father,please help

i agree with the above posters...this is between father and son in the end and the only thing you can do is be there for your boyfriend...
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