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Old 05-13-2004, 05:47 PM   #1
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Wyndi HB User
I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

Do any of you girlfriends out there find that your boyfriend spends entirely too much time playing video or computer games? My boyfriend plays an online game with some friends he met through the game. I am starting to feel like he'd rather spend all his time playing it than seeing me. I'm starting to get really bitter about it, I feel like he's got a new woman with that stupid game. I'd like him to put half as much attention on me. Am I alone in this?

 
Old 05-14-2004, 07:17 AM   #2
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catm HB User
Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

Have you tried talking with him about this?

Do you have hobbies that you can either do while he's gaming or that will get you out of the house so that when you're together you can focus on your couple time?

 
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Old 05-14-2004, 07:18 AM   #3
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Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

In my previous realationship, my girlfriends thought the same.
I want to say on a geek's a guy's point of view that it like his time or kinda like guy time.

One thing that I did in the past, is ask my girlfriend to take part into something i enjoyed. At first, they didnt like the idea, but afterwards they saw how fun i was having. Then what you should is ask him to do something that you enjoy that he normally wouldn't do.

In the past 2, 3+ years realtionships, both girlfriends felt the same but ended up liking it.

Try it...and see what happens.
Either that ask him to play on certain days.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 08:45 AM   #4
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Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

Use of communication will hopefully help the situation. Some people spend a lifetime with video games and some just go through phases. Now if he just started this up not to long ago then I would have to say it is just a phase and with him meeting people with the same interest excites him. Thsi still gives no excuse for him being on these games rather than being with you. You need to talk to him. If its hard try to tap into the game from a remote computer and be a new person and start a chat with him

 
Old 05-14-2004, 08:49 AM   #5
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Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

I think part of the problem is that everytime something new and exciting comes into his life (whether it be a new friend, a new game, etc.) he throws himself into it and puts everything else on the backburner. Then when the newness dies off, he comes back to put me ahead. I know he doesn't do it on purpose. But I get mad at him for not "knowing" that I'm having a problem with it and not showing extra affection.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 09:17 AM   #6
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Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wyndi
I think part of the problem is that everytime something new and exciting comes into his life (whether it be a new friend, a new game, etc.) he throws himself into it and puts everything else on the backburner. Then when the newness dies off, he comes back to put me ahead. I know he doesn't do it on purpose. But I get mad at him for not "knowing" that I'm having a problem with it and not showing extra affection.

Its like I said this is a fling then. He is like me I am one of those type of people that will take an opportunity and use it until I am bored. Most of us have this in us but some are worse.

We all get excited when something great happens. As an example. When a couple first starts dating they spend all the time in the world together and are happier than happy. For some reason though as time passes thier fling does also and they are not spending as much time together which forces some to cheat, not be happy, ect. I too was one of those people at the bigging of my relation but I have now learned to give space so the interest doesn't get lost.

What I am trying to say is he needs to balance himself out. I understand he get excited when somthing new comes but you need to talk to him about balance and how you feel. Let him know its ok to play these games but you also want time together also.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 09:20 AM   #7
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Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

eightball61, thank you for your advice. It's good to know that it's not just my boyfriend that has this mindset. Can I ask you how you would want to be approached about this? I mean, i don't want to seem nagging or make the situation worse. What would you respond to from a girlfriend on this subject?

 
Old 05-14-2004, 09:24 AM   #8
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Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

You are not alone! I have the same problem. My boyfriend is about addicted to an online game. We live an hour apart so we will only get to see each other on the weekends. One time I came to see him and we hung for a little while and he got up went in the other room and started playing. I was so angry. I don't mind for him to have his space, play his game, or whatever but NOT when I'm there only 2 days out of the week. I was jealous of this game, he wanted to play this game and not play with me. I totally understand how you feel. Since then we worked it out. I communicated with him and let him know how I was feeling about it. Men can be clueless about our feelings. I told him I was not cool at all that he put this dumb online game before me. He showed me what the game was about and has really wanted me to start playing with him (which I haven't yet, but am considering). He plays when I'm not around now and when I'm around he respects my feelings about it and gives me his time. My boyfriend is really great overall. This is a hobby of his and as long as we have created boundries with it everything is fine. My jealously stopped once I realized he could be addicted to alcohol, drugs, strip clubs. He could be out cheating with another woman, etc. The game is not another woman. Its something he enjoys and if thats the biggest complaint I have about him than I think I'm doing good. So offer to play the game with him, set some boundries about sharing time with you versus playing the game, and it all should work out!

I bet our men are playing the same game

 
Old 05-14-2004, 10:12 AM   #9
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eightball61 HB User
Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Wyndi
eightball61, thank you for your advice. It's good to know that it's not just my boyfriend that has this mindset. Can I ask you how you would want to be approached about this? I mean, i don't want to seem nagging or make the situation worse. What would you respond to from a girlfriend on this subject?

Well its like I said before...The best thing to do is Communicate with him your feelings. Anotherwords, next time you both are together let him know how much its hurting you that you both both spend the time you would like. Let him know your not mad about the games but ask him if he can balance it out. If he doesn't list get on a remote computer and sign onto his game as a new player and talk to him there.

As for my response, I would listen and balance things out. Now, everyone reacts differently and he may go back to this but remember this is just a fling(hopefully ) and wont last long but you need to let him know your feelings.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 11:24 AM   #10
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Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

i had to chuckle when i read this post...no, i wasn't laughing at you...it just made me think of my hubby....he is addicted to computer games, playstation games, and neopets...it used to really aggravate me, but i realized he needed his space...we talked about it and made a deal...during the week, he can play all the games he wants cause i'm usually doing other things around the house...and on weekends we do stuff together...sometimes we take the dog on long walks, play board games together, etc...i've even attempted to learn his games...and some of them i really do enjoy so we play together...currently, we are playing final fantasy six...lol...

point is, you need to tell him how you feel and try to come up with some comprimise on the situation...he might be so involved in his games that he doesn't realize how left out you feel...i get that involved in my books...
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Old 05-14-2004, 11:34 AM   #11
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eightball61 HB User
Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl

point is, you need to tell him how you feel and try to come up with some comprimise on the situation...he might be so involved in his games that he doesn't realize how left out you feel...i get that involved in my books...


Now Ex., If you get involved with you books and he does with games then that is equal sharing lol... We all have our hobbies though and so sometimes it isn't so bad that we spend time with them but keep it to a limit...right


I wanted to know if he still plays his games even after the Comp. thing?

 
Old 05-14-2004, 11:38 AM   #12
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Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

yes and no jeff...he plays once in a while but makes sure the sound is turned up high so i know that he's playing...i still look in on him once in a while to be sure...but he really has cut back computer time...he doesn't play any online games besides neopets...and he doesn't even check any e mail or anything...he seems almost afraid of the computer
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Old 05-14-2004, 11:38 AM   #13
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
i had to chuckle when i read this post...no, i wasn't laughing at you...it just made me think of my hubby....he is addicted to computer games, playstation games, and neopets...it used to really aggravate me, but i realized he needed his space...we talked about it and made a deal...during the week, he can play all the games he wants cause i'm usually doing other things around the house...and on weekends we do stuff together...sometimes we take the dog on long walks, play board games together, etc...i've even attempted to learn his games...and some of them i really do enjoy so we play together...currently, we are playing final fantasy six...lol...

point is, you need to tell him how you feel and try to come up with some comprimise on the situation...he might be so involved in his games that he doesn't realize how left out you feel...i get that involved in my books...
LOL, now you made me laugh I too get involved in my books or maganizes
that is my way of chilling out. But I do agree too the guy needs to spend time with his girlfriend. Do you have Hobbies together? Girlfriends tend to forget (not that I'm pointing any fingers here) they too should have a life outside of their boyfriends along with you should have common interests ie:hobbies that you do together, playing tennis, bike riding, working out together in a gym, site seeing, or whatever you can find that you like together and get outdoors. That is spending time together and you can talk while doing these hobbies. If his only hobbie is playing video games or computer games..then Your boyfriend needs a life.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 11:42 AM   #14
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Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

yep, i have to agree there too...too much time on the computer is just bad in my eyes...go out, enjoy the sun...we have all sorts of cheap activities planned for the summer...

i get so into my reading it's funny...i pulled out all of my vc andrews books recently (19) and on top of that the new cosmo came out...

happy friday everyone...i spent 6 hours on my computer today trying to locate an unknown virus...let me tell ya, it's hard to find when it doesn't even have a name yet..i had to submit the infected files to systematic...but i did it...it's gone...yay...just had to share!
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Old 05-14-2004, 11:47 AM   #15
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eightball61 HB User
Re: I'm losing my boyfriend to video games!

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
yes and no jeff...he plays once in a while but makes sure the sound is turned up high so i know that he's playing...i still look in on him once in a while to be sure...but he really has cut back computer time...he doesn't play any online games besides neopets...and he doesn't even check any e mail or anything...he seems almost afraid of the computer

Well ots good to see that he is coaperating with you

 
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