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Old 05-14-2004, 12:42 PM   #1
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elizab83 HB User
Help! I need some advice

My fiancee and I have been together for 2 years now. We have basically lived together ever since we have been together. The day before valentine's day, i found some video's with girls on them. I did not approve of this, he did not tell me about his renting of these videos. When I found them, he did not know why he did it, besides he was stupid, atleast that is what he says. Now he is obcessed with porn. I don't know what to do. It just makes me sick. If anyone has advice, please help me. I am desperate. I have talked to him about it, but it seems to do no good.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:06 PM   #2
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by elizab83
My fiancee and I have been together for 2 years now. We have basically lived together ever since we have been together. The day before valentine's day, i found some video's with girls on them. I did not approve of this, he did not tell me about his renting of these videos. When I found them, he did not know why he did it, besides he was stupid, atleast that is what he says. Now he is obcessed with porn. I don't know what to do. It just makes me sick. If anyone has advice, please help me. I am desperate. I have talked to him about it, but it seems to do no good.

Different people have different thought to this but these adult films is somthing a lot of guys like. Some girls do like them but not all. He may have been hidding it for 2 reasons. 1. He knew you hated 2. He was embarassed to tell you.

I know a few guys that don't talk about it because of embaressment. Even though a lot do it there are some that don't. Know if he sisn't know that you didn't like know is the time to talk to him and tell him you get hurt with him looking at other women. Some women don't mind it like I said but it bothers you. Another thing is maybe you both could watch it together?

 
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Old 05-14-2004, 01:11 PM   #3
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Please define "obsessed."

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:15 PM   #4
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Please define "obsessed."

LOL..., it's I love you so much but....I love my porno more, I get thrills out of watching it so then maybe I can try these new tricks on you, but wait...
I need to go back and watch it again and again.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:17 PM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Please define "obsessed."

Obsessed:having or showing excessive or compulsive concern with something; "became more and more haunted by the stupid riddle"; "was absolutely obsessed with the girl"; "got no help from his wife who was preoccupied with the children"; "he was taken up in worry for the old woman"

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:22 PM   #6
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Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
Obsessed:having or showing excessive or compulsive concern with something; "became more and more haunted by the stupid riddle"; "was absolutely obsessed with the girl"; "got no help from his wife who was preoccupied with the children"; "he was taken up in worry for the old woman"
Well, thank you Jeff, though I would like to inform you that I am not a complete moron LOL. I know what the term "obsessed" means. What I wanted from her is to tell us what specifically the fiancee does that she considers his interest in porn "obsessive." You know, he could be watching it a couple of times a week, or once a week and she might consider that obsessive, while what I would consider "obsessive" would be watching it every day compulsively and not paying any attention to me or our life together. So I think it's important she clarifies why she thinks he's "obsessed" with it.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:25 PM   #7
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Well, thank you Jeff, though I would like to inform you that I am not a complete moron LOL. I know what the term "obsessed" means. What I wanted from her is to tell us what specifically the fiancee does that she considers his interest in porn "obsessive." You know, he could be watching it a couple of times a week, or once a week and she might consider that obsessive, while what I would consider "obsessive" would be watching it every day compulsively and not paying any attention to me or our life together. So I think it's important she clarifies why she thinks he's "obsessed" with it.

I knew what you were getting at but I figured I be a smart a**...lol

Plus you ask???

Last edited by eightball61; 05-14-2004 at 01:26 PM.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:27 PM   #8
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by elizab83
My fiancee and I have been together for 2 years now. We have basically lived together ever since we have been together. The day before valentine's day, i found some video's with girls on them. I did not approve of this, he did not tell me about his renting of these videos. When I found them, he did not know why he did it, besides he was stupid, atleast that is what he says. Now he is obcessed with porn. I don't know what to do. It just makes me sick. If anyone has advice, please help me. I am desperate. I have talked to him about it, but it seems to do no good.
It is possible to get addicted to porn the way you can get addicted to gambling. First you need to determine whether he's really addicted or just really likes it. If it's a problem for you, maybe you could suggest a few counseling sessions. It's also a matter of what you're willing to live with. I personally have a zero tolerance for porn. I would never allow it in my house or be involved with a man who had a collection of it. A peek at Showtime after midnight every now and again for curiosity's sake I could live with, but anything more than that is not ok with me. See if you can reach some sort of compromise. Would he be willing to only watch it as certain times of the week or day, or maybe just when you're not home?

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:29 PM   #9
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promisez HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by elizab83
1. My fiancee and I have been together for 2 years now.
2. When I found them, he did not know why he did it, besides he was stupid, at least that is what he says.
3.Now he is obcessed with porn.
He says he didn't know why and it was "stupid" and within days he's "obsessed". Sounds like you've been in a relationship which he's lied to you for two years. Relationships DEMAND total open and honest communication. His behaviour shows that he has the "more is better" attitude (sometimes called an addictive personality) when he finds something he likes, I can only hope for your sake he stays drug and alcohol free or you'll have major problems in the future and even worse if you are in a marraige at that point. Tread carefully

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:43 PM   #10
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by promisez
He says he didn't know why and it was "stupid" and within days he's "obsessed". Sounds like you've been in a relationship which he's lied to you for two years. Relationships DEMAND total open and honest communication. His behaviour shows that he has the "more is better" attitude (sometimes called an addictive personality) when he finds something he likes, I can only hope for your sake he stays drug and alcohol free or you'll have major problems in the future and even worse if you are in a marraige at that point. Tread carefully
But we don't know whether he's acutally obsessed. A couple of videos an obsessed man do not make!

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:49 PM   #11
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
But we don't know whether he's acutally obsessed. A couple of videos an obsessed man do not make!

Which is true but he could spend much of his personal time with these videos rather than her which would make it obsessed. But having 2 videos and not looking at them all the time doesn't mean he's obsessed. I have 4 videos(well did) but they were from when i first turned 18 four years back and I havn't seen them in a long time so I trashed them. Plus the women and men were are too old now

 
Old 05-14-2004, 01:53 PM   #12
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promisez HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

She feels he is and that is based on how uncomfortable it makes her feel. The limit is a moot point, its the reaction from her that I based my reply on. Evidently whatever the level of "obsession", its clearly unacceptable to her. If she does decide that she will make it an "acceptable" situation, she just needed to be aware that she's setting the precedent for future issues by her response to this.

 
Old 05-14-2004, 02:13 PM   #13
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help! I need some advice

Quote:
Originally Posted by promisez
If she does decide that she will make it an "acceptable" situation, she just needed to be aware that she's setting the precedent for future issues by her response to this.
And ~promise~ this is so true by it setting the tone for the future issues. Man you are right on a lot. Can I borrow your brain for one day...just one...please I hate being brain dead.

 
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