He lied, now what? - Relationship Health Message Board

Outcst · 05-14-2004, 03:09 PM

undefinedundefinedundefinedI just found out last night that my BF has been lieing to me for the past 3 weeks about getting fiered. A little background, I'm 24 hes 28, we live together and been together for 6 months.
He told me he wanted a better job and took afew days off to look for one.... got one... lied about asking me for advice on how to quit and handle the people from his old job(he lied elaboratly) and stuff like that.
I told him when we first started dateing that lieing, big or small, was an instant deal breaker with me (along with any kind of physical violence, cheating, stealing from me and mistreating my cats). I hate liers. I'v been lied to alot in my past and it makes me sick. He knows I am an extreamly understanding person and would never get upset about such a thing. He's lost 2 jobs since I knew him, and I never batted an eye at it.
I asked him what the heck he was thinking to lie to me, and the typical male responce I got was "I wasnt thinking I geuss".
I cant live with a lier, and now I question anything he ever told me. I wonder if hes lied before. In my opinion a person can not respect or trust someone they lie to, so if he doesnt respect or trust me whats the point in being with him.
I feel I should leave, but don't want to at the same time. Hes been so good to me otherwise. We are having a really tough time now (before the lie) but I decided to stick it out. I also have literly no where to go. But hes a lier and I can't handle that. Please help!

promisez · 05-14-2004, 03:19 PM

You set the boundries, you lie, you're gone. You've altered that boundry he has crossed out of personal comfort and convenience I believe since you have nowhere to go. You need to totally rethink what is acceptable now for you and what is not since he now realizes you gave in on what was once such an important issue for you.

eightball61 · 05-14-2004, 03:21 PM

Lieing does cause a deep impact on someone's life but it depends on the situation. In this one it had to do with getting fired from work. Now being a male I have to say that "I wasn't thinking" is common for us.

Anyways, have you though maybe he was just embaressed about telling you because the fear of you thinking he is a loser? You may say know but there are people who have the fear of this and there are people who really think this if one lost a job.

Now, was he going to look for another job? or did he have one lined up? It not right that he lied and its not right for anyone to lie but I was thinking maybe this was because of embaressement.

elatedgiraffe · 05-14-2004, 03:36 PM

I'm confused to why he would lie to you about it if he had lost two jobs previous and you didn't bat an eye. I understand how you must feel. If he lied to you about this (so well and elaborately) then what has he lied to you about in the past? Maybe this is his first lie, maybe it is his 100th lie. The problem with lying is once one lies it is hard to beleive and trust that person no matter how small the lie is. However, none of us are perfect and people need to leave some room in a relationship for mistakes. This is your call. If you truely don't think you can let go and forget this lie and know it will cause problems in the future you have some serious thinking to do. My advice, never settle, in this case for someone who lied to you, because you have no where to go. Stay because you want to, not because you feel that you have to. Good luck in whatever you choose to do

Salinas1 · 05-14-2004, 04:34 PM

You have allowed this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outcast

but I decided to stick it out. I also have literally no where to go.

To trump this:

Quote:

Originally Posted by Outcast

I told him when we first started dating that lying, big or small, was an instant deal breaker with me.

You need to decide what level of commitment you place on your principles. Perhaps you need to lessen the degree of absolute associated with your lines in the sand.

You are facing a textbook philosophical dilemma. He is behaving in ways that significantly conflicts with your value set. Only you can decide how much you are willing to negotiate with yourself on this.

Never say never and never say always. It will come back to haunt you. I truly understand your predicament. It's a tough one.