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Old 05-14-2004, 05:43 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2004
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MellyJellyBean HB User
Exclamation I can't get over my ex-boyfriend

i used to go out with this guy for a year and 3 months. We recently broke up a day after valentines day and i still can't get over him. Maybe its the fact that he was my first real boyfriend and i do consider him my first love. He says he still wants to be friends and wouldn't mind still having "benefits", like things we used to do when we were going out.My friends say its a bad idea. My question is how can i get over him and should i continue to be just his friend?

 
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Old 05-14-2004, 06:19 PM   #2
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SophiaM HB User
Re: I can't get over my ex-boyfriend

I don't have time to write much right now, so let me just say this: NO, don't give him any "benefits." Tell him his benefits have expired the minute you and him broke up and he's no longer elligible. Trust me, you'll be glad you did. There are so many young women coming to this board being in complete distress and suffering because they gave in to the "friends with benefits" suggestion, either with their ex or a guy they knew. I have yet to recall one who was happy with the situation. These women usually end up getting very emotionally attached to the guy and have a hard time accepting that it's all just physical for him. Most get their hearts broken. Don't do it. If you still think you two can get back together at some point, you can try to work on that, but if all he wants is "benefits," tell him to go elsewhere. Have your pride and you'll be better off in the end. I don't think you should be "just friends" either, because clearly you're not over him and how would you feel if he told you he's dating someone new but you're still spending time with him as friends. besides, from my experience, rarely does your recent ex have a purely platonic friendship in mind, so I would say NO to that also.

 
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Old 05-15-2004, 09:08 AM   #3
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mary2468 HB User
Re: I can't get over my ex-boyfriend

I agree with SophiaM, but also, now is the perfect time to live for yourself! Sometimes people get tied down w/ significant others, and there are certain things you can't do. Basically, what I'm saying is....do whatever makes you happy. Don't worry about the ex. It's going to take time to get over him, and that is understandable, but don't sit around wasting away...get out, have fun! Do something to improve yourself and get your confidence back...and when you start living for yourself, someone else is more likely to notice your confidence. Confidence attracts people. Don't waste your time worrying about the ex...worry about yourself. Hang out with friends, work out, anything that makes you happy. Hope that helps!
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Old 05-15-2004, 11:46 AM   #4
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: I can't get over my ex-boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by MellyJellyBean
...He says he still wants to be friends and wouldn't mind still having "benefits", like things we used to do when we were going out.My friends say its a bad idea. My question is how can i get over him and should i continue to be just his friend?


Listen to your real friends. It should be easier to get over him if you really understand what is actually going down here.

From the title and content of your post, I’m guessing he is the one that initiated the breakup. The day after Valentines Day. How romantic and considerate of him. He is a real charmer.
Now he wants to go from a relationship that carries with it inherent rules and constraints, to one where he has his own “cake” available for him to eat whenever he chooses. Actually, his own piece of “meat” is a more appropriate word to use here. By him even suggesting to be “friends with benefits” after breaking up a 15 months relationship tells me he has lost all respect for you as a person. Don’t you lose your own self-respect by making any effort to get him back. This relationship is over. It’s a FUBAR! (************ Up Beyond All Repair.)

Please drop this guy completely and out of your life and move on to find someone else who appreciates you and respects you. In fact, there is nothing more to see here folks. Let’s move it right along.
(background noise…MOOOOO!… the not so subtle burping sounds of methane gases emitting from somewhere out in the distance)

This guy definitely does not want to be your friend. He only wants one thing from you and one thing only.

“BOOM! Sha Ka La Ka La Ka BOOM!”

 
Old 05-15-2004, 11:58 AM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: I can't get over my ex-boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by MellyJellyBean
He says he still wants to be friends and wouldn't mind still having "benefits", like things we used to do when we were going out.My friends say its a bad idea. My question is how can i get over him and should i continue to be just his friend?

Well if you give him benefits you'll never get over him. Your feeling and emotions ail stay thinking he may come back when he won't. He offered that for his benefit not yours. He knows not having a GF means he won't get it all the time, but being single gives him the opportunity to have other girls. DON'T GIVE IN and give hime what he wants. To me this guy is a dog. What kind of real man would break up and still ask if he could have the benefits?

Your friends are right by saying this is a bad idea and they have to be smart to say that. Listen to your friends and they will guide you and your feeling to a better man.

 
Old 05-15-2004, 07:22 PM   #6
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ace_chick01 HB User
Re: I can't get over my ex-boyfriend

I am going through EXACTLY the same thing as you (I even made a post about it a few weeks ago here).
Firstly: It takes time to get over him. I broke up with my first love almost 4 months ago, and I'm not over him. It takes time, and it's different for every one.
Secondly: I personally chose not to stay friends with the guy. What is it with guys when, after they break up with you, they wanna stay friends?? I think it would be a lot easier for you if you have him no benefits, and basically cut him out of your life. You could one day be friends again, but concerntrate on getting over him first.

Good luck, I know exactly what you're going through, and you WILL eventually get over him. Even though I haven't got over mine yet, it's always getting better.

 
Old 05-15-2004, 10:06 PM   #7
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Belle2003 HB User
Re: I can't get over my ex-boyfriend

Everyone's advice has been correct. My daughter's boyfriend broke up with her in January. He said that he just wanted to be friends. He kept on inviting her to do things and they would end up kissing. Plus they work together. Since she continually was seeing him, she could not get over him. She stopped the "just friends" get togethers, but since she sees him at work she is still emotionally attached.

She has gone out on dates with other guys, and she says that they just don't compare to "HIM". He wants to get back together, but in September he is going away to college and he said that he would be breaking up with her then. Who wants a boyfriend who you know is going to dump you in September?

We told her that how can the new dates have a chance if you are still hung up on your loser ex-boyfriend. (He is such a manipulative person and knows how to pour on the lying, suck up compliments) She is slowly getting over him since she witnesses him hitting on other girls at work. Hang tough and listen to your girl friends. They have your best interest at heart. He has only his interest at heart.

 
Old 05-16-2004, 08:08 AM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: I can't get over my ex-boyfriend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Belle2003
My daughter's boyfriend broke up with her in January. He said that he just wanted to be friends. He kept on inviting her to do things and they would end up kissing. Plus they work together. Since she continually was seeing him, she could not get over him. She stopped the "just friends" get togethers, but since she sees him at work she is still emotionally attached.
A lot of people are still attached after a break-up and thats why they keep the benefits going. Sooner or latter they do stop the benefits end of the deal when they finally realize nothing is going to work. But in your daughters position it was really hard like you said because he worked with her. I have always been against these workplace romances because of this... Its good though that she is starting to lose the feelings but it will take time.

 
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