I'm very confused about what to do to help my ex-girlfriend! - Relationship Health Message Board

Turpentine27 · 05-15-2004, 10:29 AM

About a week ago, my girlfriend and I broke up. She said she wasn't fully ready to go out with someone, even though she had been dating me for over a month. I think she still has so many problems from her last relationship because the guy was an ******* and left her without telling her! I think she is deeply scarred over this, but what should I do? I know she needs to get help, such as talking with a counselor. She says she doesn't want to date anyone for a long time. she really wants to be friends with me and all, but I'm afraid it will make it worse for her! She really cares about me and I care about her, but I don't know what to do! I've tried talking to her several times, but I don't want her to be miserable and she doesn't want me to feel miserable either. I don't know what to do!

Can somebody give me some advice?

elatedgiraffe · 05-15-2004, 10:59 AM

Sorry to hear about the break up. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes people a long time to get over a past relationship. If shes not ready, then shes not ready. You suggested she get counseling, hopefully she'll be open to it. If she wants to just be friends right now its up to you if you are okay with that. You can't convince her to date you or seek counseling. Give her time to heal from her past heartache. Shes not ready for a relationship right now so be her friend instead. Hopefully when she feels ready then maybe something can evolve for the two of you. As for now, you can only respect her wishes and be there for her as a friend. If it is too painful for you to only be friends you may have to give the whole situation some space. Take care of you first. Good luck

Turpentine27 · 05-15-2004, 11:34 AM

Thank you very much for the advice! I really appreciate it.

eightball61 · 05-15-2004, 11:53 AM

You state that you only were dating for a month or so which clearly states that she is not ready. Its great that you want to try to help her but this is somthing that she is going to need time to herself and cope with.

Remember her last boyfriend you qouted as an *******. I am sure he treated her like crap and leaving without saying by lost her trut in guys right now. She was hurt from the last man and she doesn't want that to happen again.

Just give her space and time to see what the outcome is. Different people have different lenghs of time on how they get over this but give her the time she needs. When she is ready she will let you know. You don't want to push her. Its good to be a good caring friend and offer her advice but give her the space she may need.