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Old 05-15-2004, 06:08 PM   #1
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Little 1 HB User
Unhappy Should a boyfriend be interested in your past?

Hi, I'm 16, female and from the UK.

I've been with my boyfriend for just over 8 months now. The problem is that he really doesnt seem to care/want to know about things that happened before I met him. I think it's important that he knows these things because theyve affected my entire life. Every time I try to say things he'll either not want to know or just forget that I'd said anything about it. We both feel that this relationship is 'the real thing' and want to stay together even when I move to go to uni. However I don't see how this can last if he knows nothing about me. The issues I have are:

Alcoholism (past but sometimes recurring) which he knows about (kept forgetting) but makes a mockery of it.
Depression, which comes and goes.
History of self harm (not any more) but still persistent thoughts of suicide while depressed.
Abusive relationships which explains why I sometimes back away from intimacy, but he straight out told me that he does not want to know about it when i've been upset about it. he's even friends with one of the people lol.
I've discussed the possibilities of mental illnesses with him before (I sometimes hallucinate etc) which he seems alright with.


I'm just disappointed that the one person I want to know everything about me, good and bad, doesn't care. He speaks about his family problems and past bullying at school quite a bit but never wants to know about me.


What should I do??? Shall I just accept it? I love him, and he doesn't even know my mobile phone number lol. He says he love me but I don't see how he can if he doesnt know whats made me this person.

Please help.

Thanks, xxx

 
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Old 05-15-2004, 06:47 PM   #2
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 551
Salinas1 HB User
Re: Should a boyfriend be interested in your past?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Little 1
The issues I have are:

Alcoholism (past but sometimes recurring) which he knows about (kept forgetting) but makes a mockery of it.
Depression, which comes and goes.
History of self harm (not any more) but still persistent thoughts of suicide while depressed.
Abusive relationships which explains why I sometimes back away from intimacy, but he straight out told me that he does not want to know about it when i've been upset about it. he's even friends with one of the people lol.
I've discussed the possibilities of mental illnesses with him before (I sometimes hallucinate etc) which he seems alright with.
Thanks, xxx
Probably won't like this, but, what young teenage boy would want to know these things. You are both very young. You have to ask yourself why would he want to burden himself with these very serious and personal issues. He is a teenager and wants to enjoy life, not likely get neck deep in the emotionally serious trials and travails of your past.

Your ages have much to do with his level of interest in your life challenges. It is tough enough to deal with these things with a growing relationship as an adult, I can easily understand why he isn't dealing well with it with you. You may not be objective or clearheaded enough to see or realize this, but neither of you can possibly approach these very serious issues as you would when you get a few more years behind you.

For now, I am afraid you either accept his aloofness over your serious past issues, or accept you will be frustrated and possibly angry in this relationship.

 
Old 05-15-2004, 10:17 PM   #3
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Join Date: Oct 2003
Posts: 1,061
Belle2003 HB User
Re: Should a boyfriend be interested in your past?

He sounds like a typical teenage guy. Not a good listener and only into himself. I am sure when he talks you give him your undivided attention. When you talk, if it is not about him, but it is about you, his eyes glaze over. This is a sign of immaturity and self centeredness.

My daughter's first boyfriend would totally tune her out unless she was talking about him or sports. He would only rent movies that he liked: war movies and sports movies. When they would watch something that she liked and it was not a chick flick either, he would start talking or bug her so she could not watch it.

After 8 months she couldn't stand the fact that he would never listen to her and only wanted to do things that interested him. She discussed it with him and he tried to be better but it did not even last a week. It hurt when they broke up but then she found another guy who was totally different. Unfortunately that didn't last any longer than the first boyfriend. I told her that it is because dating is like gambling, you usually crap out!

What is good about having different boyfriends is that you learn from each relationship what you do want from a boyfriend and what you do not want. Then when you start dating new people, little red flags go up warning you that this guy is not the one for you.

You are young and this young man will be one of many guys you date before you settle down. Happy hunting!

 
Old 05-16-2004, 08:02 AM   #4
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Should a boyfriend be interested in your past?

Its typical for a young guy to not care about things like this because its seems he is not seeing a long-term commitment that you may be seeing. It is good for one to know about the past but some people just rather live for the present and into the future. He is the type that just wants to forget about the past, which can be ok.

If the past is affecting you in the future and he has some problems on how you react to stuff then he should listen to why things are affecting you but if he isn't coplaining about how you are then he is just like you for what you are now.

 
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