It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-17-2004, 02:04 PM   #46
Senior Veteran
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Maryland
Posts: 606
CoreyP HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
That would be an ideal situation. Unfortunately, we do not live in an ideal world..


The more people that have strong morals, the better the world will be. Whats wrong is wrong. You could use that quote for every discussion.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:07 PM   #47
Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 302
JLKH HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Listen, there's always going to be SOMEONE willing to sleep with someone else's boyfriend or husband. If not this girl, then it would be another. It IS up to the person who is in a relationship to NOT make themselves available to someone else. Nobody was twisting his arm.
So?! That does not get the person off the hook! Yeah it is up to the person in the relationship to not do it but that doesn't make the other person guilt free or responsibility free!

Fact is dark_angel here screwed over this girl. SHE helped to hurt this girl and SHE is responsible for that too. Yes it is ultimately the guy in this senerio who is mostly to blame and the one who needs to tell the girl friend but that doesn't change dark angels responsility in this.

I just can't believe there aren't more here who feel this way? I mean ask yourself this... if your boyfriend (or girlfriend depending on your prefrence) cheated would you or would you not want to kick the crap out of the other woman? (after you kicked the crap out of your boy friend first of course)

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-17-2004, 02:08 PM   #48
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,545
SophiaM HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
The more people that have strong morals, the better the world will be. Whats wrong is wrong. You could use that quote for every discussion.
Maybe i'm a pessimist but when I look around me, I do not see the morals improving. That's why I think it's the responsibility of the person who is in a relationship to guard that relationship and not consider any options outside of it. When I was with my ex, guys did hit on me, but since it was not in my set of values to cheat, I knew i would never allow myself to do it. They can try, but ultimately, I am the one who has the power to accept or reject their advances. Right?

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:12 PM   #49
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,545
SophiaM HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by JLKH
I just can't believe there aren't more here who feel this way? I mean ask yourself this... if your boyfriend (or girlfriend depending on your prefrence) cheated would you or would you not want to kick the crap out of the other woman? (after you kicked the crap out of your boy friend first of course)
Well, only if she was a friend of mine, because I would consider this a huge betrayal. Otherwise, I would entirely blame my boyfriend. I mean, how do I know if he didn't tell the other woman he was single? ( not the case in this thread, but still).

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:16 PM   #50
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: I feel horrible

So then what right??? Are you saying that keeing it a secret and not telling which creates dishonesty is right?

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:20 PM   #51
Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 302
JLKH HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Well, only if she was a friend of mine, because I would consider this a huge betrayal. Otherwise, I would entirely blame my boyfriend. I mean, how do I know if he didn't tell the other woman he was single? ( not the case in this thread, but still).
Well I'm only talking about in cases where the woman knows the man is married or in a relationship. If the woman doesn't know then she is blame free in my opinion. And in fact I'd say she was taken advantage of too. But that's another topic.

It doesn't matter if the woman knows the wife or girl friend or not from my point of view. It is NOT okay to screw over a stranger any more then it is okay to screw over a friend. Sure it is worse to do it to a friend but it's still wrong to do it with a strangers husband or boyfriend.

It's like saying it's okay to steal as long as it's not from your friends! Bologna! What's wrong is wrong.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:22 PM   #52
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,545
SophiaM HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
So then what right??? Are you saying that keeing it a secret and not telling which creates dishonesty is right?
As I said, we don't know enough of the situation. If the guy still has feelings for dark angel, then the right thing to do would be to break up with the girlfriend because she deserves someone who has enough feelings for her to stay faithful. Another possibility is that the guy is not really in love with the new girl, regardless of whether Dark Angel were in the picture or not. In that case he should also break up with her. But, if he really screwed up this ONE TIME and genuinely regrets it and knows he won't do it again, THEN I think there's no point in telling his girlfriend because it would do more harm than good. You don't have to agree with my opinion. That's just what I think and nobody is obligated to take my advice.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:26 PM   #53
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,545
SophiaM HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by JLKH
Well I'm only talking about in cases where the woman knows the man is married or in a relationship. If the woman doesn't know then she is blame free in my opinion. And in fact I'd say she was taken advantage of too. But that's another topic.

It doesn't matter if the woman knows the wife or girl friend or not from my point of view. It is NOT okay to screw over a stranger any more then it is okay to screw over a friend. Sure it is worse to do it to a friend but it's still wrong to do it with a strangers husband or boyfriend.

It's like saying it's okay to steal as long as it's not from your friends! Bologna! What's wrong is wrong.
You're right, it's wrong. But still, the person in a committed relationship is more guilty because they are the one cheating and lying to their partner. And in the case of a married person, they're also breaking the vow of marriage.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:31 PM   #54
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
As I said, we don't know enough of the situation. If the guy still has feelings for dark angel, then the right thing to do would be to break up with the girlfriend because she deserves someone who has enough feelings for her to stay faithful.
Well if he has feeling for her he shouldn't have never cheated. He should have just broke it off like an honest person does.



Another possibility is that the guy is not really in love with the new girl, regardless of whether Dark Angel were in the picture or not. In that case he should also break up with her. But, if he really screwed up this ONE TIME and genuinely regrets it and knows he won't do it again, THEN I think there's no point in telling his girlfriend because it would do more harm than good. You don't have to agree with my opinion. That's just what I think and nobody is obligated to take my advice [/QUOTE]


Even if this as just once he should tell because that is the most manly and honest thing he can do. He/they screwed up and why does she have to suffer and not be told that her BF is dirt. Its her decision if she stays not his.

Also if he was not in love with this new girl then what the point of being in the relation??? Thats what a break up is for... Now that he cheated his is a dog.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:34 PM   #55
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
You're right, it's wrong. But still, the person in a committed relationship is more guilty because they are the one cheating and lying to their partner. And in the case of a married person, they're also breaking the vow of marriage.


& that why he need to tell her because he cheated, lied, or may even broke the vow if they were married.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:34 PM   #56
Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 302
JLKH HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
You're right, it's wrong. But still, the person in a committed relationship is more guilty because they are the one cheating and lying to their partner. And in the case of a married person, they're also breaking the vow of marriage.
Absolutely! The person in the relationship isn't just more guilty but they are also more stupid to have done it! I mean THEY are the ones with the most to loose.

My only reason for getting into this is cause I disagreed with the statement that it's not dark_angels' problem. I think it is and I think she does have to do something here BUT that's just me and ultimately she will do what she likes and so will this guy.

Man, I feel so bad for this girl friend out there... not knowing all of us here on this message board are influencing wether or not she finds out about her cheating boy friend. No I know we're not really that big of an influence in this...

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:42 PM   #57
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by JLKH

Man, I feel so bad for this girl friend out there... not knowing all of us here on this message board are influencing wether or not she finds out about her cheating boy friend. No I know we're not really that big of an influence in this...

It is sad this girl doesn't anything about us or what happen but hopefully the right is done and she gets told.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:43 PM   #58
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,545
SophiaM HB User
Re: I feel horrible

That's why I think that in most cases former lovers should not remain close friends. If you had romantic history with someone, it's very hard not to fall back into being attracted to them. Add alcohol into the mixture and inhibitions start to loosen up. Dark angel, if you're really concerned about your ex's new relationship, I would back off and not spend any time alone with him. I might actually drop out of the picture completely, at least for a while. That's the best you can do in this situation. Leave the rest to him and his girlfriend.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:52 PM   #59
Veteran
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Washington
Posts: 302
JLKH HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
That's why I think that in most cases former lovers should not remain close friends. If you had romantic history with someone, it's very hard not to fall back into being attracted to them. Add alcohol into the mixture and inhibitions start to loosen up. Dark angel, if you're really concerned about your ex's new relationship, I would back off and not spend any time alone with him. I might actually drop out of the picture completely, at least for a while. That's the best you can do in this situation. Leave the rest to him and his girlfriend.
Now that is advice I can agree with! She definately should just fall off the radar with him. Leave him alone and cut all ties if she can. I know this sucks if you're friends with him but think of it as the price you pay and think of it as a kindness to him. If you care about him do him a favor and stay away from him.

I can also agree with your statement about exes not staying friends and why. The ONLY time in my life I ever came close to cheating was with an ex. Granted this was a very very VERY different situation, there were massive mind games going on from his end and he was trying to get me back, but I wont' get into it. Point is the only reason he almost got me to cheat was because oh our past history. If he'd just been some joker in a bar or something it never would have even come close. So yeah, anyone you have a romantic relationship with and you break up I suggest staying away from for good or for at least many many many many years. ... let me put one more "many" in there. And yes there is always exceptions to this but in most cases if for no other reason then the comfort of your new significgant other it's best to end relationships completely.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:53 PM   #60
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
That's why I think that in most cases former lovers should not remain close friends. If you had romantic history with someone, it's very hard not to fall back into being attracted to them. Add alcohol into the mixture and inhibitions start to loosen up.
& I am 100% with you on that.



Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Dark angel, if you're really concerned about your ex's new relationship, I would back off and not spend any time alone with him. I might actually drop out of the picture completely, at least for a while. That's the best you can do in this situation. Leave the rest to him and his girlfriend.
It is good if she strayed away from him but that still won't fix what happen. Hopefully things do work out for the BF & GF but I am still hoping he says somthing.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I feel like im alone with intrusive thought. reply if you feel like this please TravisE Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) 42 03-07-2011 07:50 PM
Feel Horrible...So quitting smoking...wish me luck! anxiousme Multiple Sclerosis 6 02-21-2010 11:37 AM
How do you get better when you feel there's no way to? NY 1009 Depression 5 08-13-2009 10:42 AM
why do i feel so constantly ill Truffles09 Back Problems 16 06-06-2009 04:15 AM
I feel like Im losing control.... NotGivingIn Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) 3 03-01-2008 01:28 PM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (272), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (97), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (904), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (759), ladybud (754), midwest1 (668), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 02:27 PM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!