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Old 05-17-2004, 03:57 PM   #61
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61

It is good if she strayed away from him but that still won't fix what happen. Hopefully things do work out for the BF & GF but I am still hoping he says somthing.
I agree but I think the point here was that all dark_angel can do other then encourage the guy to tell his girl friend is leave the scene! She can't force him to tell the girl. She could tell her herself and that is an option but... well honestly I'm not sure what I think about that. Anyway, point is whatever happens she needs to stay away from this guy.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 04:08 PM   #62
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by JLKH
I agree but I think the point here was that all dark_angel can do other then encourage the guy to tell his girl friend is leave the scene! She can't force him to tell the girl. She could tell her herself and that is an option but... well honestly I'm not sure what I think about that. Anyway, point is whatever happens she needs to stay away from this guy.

Its true and all in the guys hands at this time. She was just asking should he tell her about it. My thoughts are yes and some thoughts are no but when cheating is envolved its very rare a win/win situation, usually one fails. In this case I think she should just leave it alone and back off. She allready did her share and knows it was wrong and now he has to be man enough to face what he did...Will he tell or will he not??? We may never know

 
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Old 05-17-2004, 04:22 PM   #63
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Re: I feel horrible

If we speak purely on the ethical or moral grounds, of course she is wrong. But, and this is a big but...her wrong is between her God or her conscious or her whatever and herself.

His wrong must be made right to his girlfriend. He must tell her. However, the ex has no obligation to tell anyone. While it was wrong of her, does it really matter in this context? What matters is that the girlfriend was cheated on and it is the boyfriends sole responsibility to tell her. Dark angel should not. Not because she is not wrong as well, but because the relationship that was betrayed was between the boyfriend and girlfriend. They have the implicit contract to be faithful, not dark angel and the girl.

Yeah, they are both "wrong", but I am not sure what practical issue that bears here.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 04:25 PM   #64
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salinas1
If we speak purely on the ethical or moral grounds, of course she is wrong. But, and this is a big but...her wrong is between her God or her conscious or her whatever and herself.

His wrong must be made right to his girlfriend. He must tell her. However, the ex has no obligation to tell anyone. While it was wrong of her, does it really matter in this context? What matters is that the girlfriend was cheated on and it is the boyfriends sole responsibility to tell her. Dark angel should not. Not because she is not wrong as well, but because the relationship that was betrayed was between the boyfriend and girlfriend. They have the implicit contract to be faithful, not dark angel and the girl.

Yeah, they are both "wrong", but I am not sure what practical issue that bears here.
I waver on this one... but I guess in this case I would agree that it is not dark_angel who should tell the girl. IF dark_angel and the girl were close friends or something then I might advice differently.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 07:29 AM   #65
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salinas1

His wrong must be made right to his girlfriend. He must tell her.
I dont understand You just contradicted yourself from what you said previous. You agreed with dark_angel that he shouldn't tell because he wouldn't do it again but then now you are say he should. What made you change your mind? Did you realize that would be the moral thing to do?

 
Old 05-18-2004, 08:08 AM   #66
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
I dont understand You just contradicted yourself from what you said previous. You agreed with dark_angel that he shouldn't tell because he wouldn't do it again but then now you are say he should. What made you change your mind? Did you realize that would be the moral thing to do?
Jeff, you must be confusing my post with someone else’s. I have only made one response to this long thread. In it I said that they are both wrong and that it was immoral/unethical for both of them. However, I said that it is his responsibility to tell his girlfriend and that it is not her (the ex) responsibility to tell his girlfriend.

In my only post I didn't mention anything about whether he woudl do it again or not. What specifically were you thinking was contradictory?

 
Old 05-18-2004, 08:12 AM   #67
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Re: I feel horrible

Salinas, I think he confused it with my post. I take the blame I am the one who thinks that girlfriend finding out will bring more harm than good to everyone involved.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 08:20 AM   #68
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Salinas, I think he confused it with my post. I take the blame I am the one who thinks that girlfriend finding out will bring more harm than good to everyone involved.
I certainly understand your reasoning. My position is that as a “girlfriend”, she is much freer to make a decision about how she feels about moving forward with a cheater. If she is kept in the dark and they get married, and then she finds out - which she will someday - it will be multiple times more difficult and her animosity could be justifiably great for him not having given her the chance to make a decision prior to the commitment of marriage. She will find out. Better now than later. If they were married, had kids, and it was a one-nighter, and the circumstances were such that it would just be impossible that he would do it again, I may - may be willing to agree that there would be no good from telling a wife. But a girlfriend that may enter into a legal commitment to him has a right to know before accepting that commitment.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 08:43 AM   #69
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salinas1
Jeff, you must be confusing my post with someone else’s. I have only made one response to this long thread. In it I said that they are both wrong and that it was immoral/unethical for both of them. However, I said that it is his responsibility to tell his girlfriend and that it is not her (the ex) responsibility to tell his girlfriend.

In my only post I didn't mention anything about whether he woudl do it again or not. What specifically were you thinking was contradictory?

I am sorry.... I had a rough moring and I am still having my true blond moment(I am a blond)

Anyways, Yes I did mean that to SophiaM

Sorry girls...please forgive me

 
Old 05-18-2004, 09:07 AM   #70
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Re: I feel horrible

Sophia, changed her mind a little bit, (i think) You have to love a smart girl, that isn't stubborn enough to see it a different way.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 09:15 AM   #71
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
You have to love a smart girl,
Being blond is hard so I try to learn from smart people but as you see it never work out to my benefit

 
Old 05-18-2004, 09:20 AM   #72
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Re: I feel horrible

Let him tell his girlfriend. The relationship is between him and his girlfriend not you, him, and his girlfriend. Stay away from the whole situation. Make sure you don't make the same mistake twice and move on with your life. Telling his girlfriend would cause enough drama for you for the next year. Its his obligation to tell her.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 09:27 AM   #73
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
Sophia, changed her mind a little bit, (i think) You have to love a smart girl, that isn't stubborn enough to see it a different way.
Thank you sweetie I changed my mind a little in that I now admit what the poster did was wrong, but not nearly as wrong as what the poster's ex-boyfriend did. Ain't I flexible?

 
Old 05-18-2004, 09:30 AM   #74
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Re: I feel horrible

You are the best. I agree that the ex-boyfriend was much more to blame. I had to argue with something.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 09:34 AM   #75
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Re: I feel horrible

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
You are the best. I agree that the ex-boyfriend was much more to blame. I had to argue with something.

Argueing makes it all interesting...doesn't it?

 
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