Your mother sounds like my mother. It tooked me years to get over my hate for her, counseling helped me alot.
The one important thing I did learn from counseling is I can still love my mother, because she is my mother but I do not have to like her or respect her. Your mother will not change, Only you can change yourself. My mother too tooked all my hard earned money while I was a teenager working, my dad died when I was very young so I heard the same thing that your mom has said to you. If I felt a teeny bit sorry for myself because I had no father she would dismis my feelings for the father that I knew, she would bad mouth a dead man. How cruel!
What you feel is Angry because underneith that angry is so much HURT.
Another option is to write you mom a letter, tell her all you feel and write her out of your life or take care of the Angry/Hurt thru counseling and accept what you can not change but lead your life the way You Want. I did not write that letter to my mother, I couldn't - I still wanted my mother in my life.
I am a grown woman but the little girl in me still wanted mommy's approval.
When I relized that and knew that would never happen I felt a Big Load off my shoulders, the angry became hurt, I cried everytime I left my therepy but I also felt a sense of relief. I started to live my life the way I wanted with or without mommy's approval. I didn't allow her to Bring Me Down, I didn't allow her to tell me everything I did was wrong, I didn't give her that time to do so.
I was friendly but not friends, I no longer seeked her approval, I tuned her out when I spoke with her on the phone (she lives 500 miles away
It's always about her so I knew this and let her go on and on. When she speaks about my sisters (2) I turn her Negative words into Postive...AND you know what...It worked! She does not talk Negative about my or my sisters while on the phone w/me or in person.
I still have moments though of angry...I'll do my crying thing and shake it off because again, I can not change that woman but she can no longer hurt me today like she did during my childhood or teenage years. I choose not to allow it.
Hope this helps..I suggest a Good Counselor who will help you with all the angry you have build up, it's ok, and it's ok to cry too, but you will win in the
end of releasing yourself from the hate you feel for your mother.