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Old 05-16-2004, 11:10 PM   #1
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mark2k HB User
Question Help with creating conversation/being more social?

Okay, I'm wondering if anyone has any idea's on how I should go about trying to be more social? When ever I am out with friends..etc expesially when girls are present I tend to be very quiet or shy and end up keeping to myself. If I am online or writing something I can easily write or express myself with ease, through say instant messaging, or e-mail. I'm not exaclty sure why I am so quiet, as I'm sure I have lots to say just have trouble thinking of things to say, or come up with topics/starting conversation...etc when in person.

Not to long from now I will be going out with a girl, and I really dont want to screw things up with my lack of communication skills. Now I know everyone says just be yourself, but deep down I dont really like being quiet so I dont see how being quiet can really can be 'me', but at the same time I suppose it is, if that makes sense?

Anyway any suggestions on opening up, being more social..etc would be great thanks

 
Old 05-17-2004, 04:52 AM   #2
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Blizzard45 HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

Just ask her questions. Women have ALOT on their mind and will tell anybody who will listen. That'll score you a ton of points with her. Yeah it sounds strange but it works.

 
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Old 05-17-2004, 04:58 AM   #3
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

and if she asks you questions, try anything you can not to answer with simple yes or no...back up your answers with info...

i'm shy myself, so i know it's very difficult...so i'm not sure what helpful advise i can give you...i'm sure others will be able to help you though...
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Old 05-17-2004, 08:19 AM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

As my teachers always said " there is no such thing as a stupid question". When you are out ask girls questions; that will heat up a conversation & at the same time you are getting to know them. Being real and open will get these girls to notice you and want to know more about you. If it takes a few drink to do it then go for it...I just don't suggest getting completely drunk.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 08:48 AM   #5
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Gatormom HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

I agree that people love to be asked questions - but two things to think about:
1. Don't just fire away like a machine gun! One question at a time, eye contact, act interested, AND (DRUM ROLL)
2. LISTEN to the answers!
One of the most life-affirming, dare I say SEXY things in life is being really listened to.
Good luck, it gets easier!

 
Old 05-17-2004, 08:59 AM   #6
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

gzz,,, I talk too much and I'm very social.

Good Topic Conversation is the KEY..Seriouly, when a lost for words...
start out with the weather - move on to world events, feel out how the conversation is going...Yes, ask questions but don't make it a resume night.

When a questions is asked answer it and try to move it into an interesting conversation and vise versa...

Going out to dinner...pick a resturant that is popular and why...You can even talk about your surrounding atomphere in the resturtant...Keep converstation upbeat and positive and honest. If you feel it's something to don't want to talk about - move the conversation to another...

Read the newspaper that day and talk about the headlines without it becoming too depressing - Good conversations on dates or meeting people you don't know but would like to know or impress should be upbeat and positive...

Hope that helps from someone who never is at lost for words..

 
Old 05-17-2004, 11:33 AM   #7
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mark2k HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

thanks all for your comments (keep'em coming), I will try to keep what you have said in mind

I dont know, I just find when I'm around people, say a group of friends.. I end up just listening to them talk rather than adding to the conversation. And its not always that I have nothing to say, I just dont say it... Anyway thanks again.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 11:40 AM   #8
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Gatormom HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

Have you heard of Toastmasters? They are a neat group (nationwide) that helps people work toward confidence in speaking. I have a son-in-law who has accomplished great things through his experience with Toastmasters.
Something to consider.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 11:40 AM   #9
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Wooby151 HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark2k
Okay, I'm wondering if anyone has any idea's on how I should go about trying to be more social? When ever I am out with friends..etc expesially when girls are present I tend to be very quiet or shy and end up keeping to myself. If I am online or writing something I can easily write or express myself with ease, through say instant messaging, or e-mail. I'm not exaclty sure why I am so quiet, as I'm sure I have lots to say just have trouble thinking of things to say, or come up with topics/starting conversation...etc when in person.

Not to long from now I will be going out with a girl, and I really dont want to screw things up with my lack of communication skills. Now I know everyone says just be yourself, but deep down I dont really like being quiet so I dont see how being quiet can really can be 'me', but at the same time I suppose it is, if that makes sense?

Anyway any suggestions on opening up, being more social..etc would be great thanks
Dude! I had the same problem... The first time you guys go out shouldn't be a problem. You barely know anything about each other. Keep asking questions. The first outting should always be getting to know each other better, not just like... random **** about weather or whatever you talk about... My girlfriend, Lauren and I have been together since march 22, 2003. we have talked sooo freaking much, theres not much more to say... she Practically knows everything there is to know about me. All I can say to you is once you guys start being more physical, you'll be more open, so its easier to talk to one another. once you become actual good friends and more. You can kinda be stupid. Do stupid things to make her laugh, and as long as shes laughing you feel better. trust me bro, you feel awesome when she thinks you're funny as hell. Later dude,
~ Wooby151

 
Old 05-17-2004, 11:59 AM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark2k

I dont know, I just find when I'm around people, say a group of friends.. I end up just listening to them talk rather than adding to the conversation. And its not always that I have nothing to say, I just dont say it... Anyway thanks again.

Even laughing when they all do gets you right in the conversation. If you find it all doesn't work then seperate yourself from the group and try to talk to girls that are alone or with a friend. I know a few friends that go to a club as a group but split up and they do well alone rather than with the group.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 09:55 PM   #11
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mark2k HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

hmm, thanks again everyone. I will try and put some of what you have said to practice, or speach should I say

 
Old 05-18-2004, 06:37 AM   #12
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mark2k
hmm, thanks again everyone. I will try and put some of what you have said to practice, or speach should I say

A good speach class may work lol

Anyways, there is some really good advice here but you are the one that will have to put the concepts into action. I know that you can do it but it will take some time. I hope it really does work out & I am confident it will but you have to be confident also.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 07:54 AM   #13
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CoreyP HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

hello my friend, talking to girls, is just like anything else. You need practice.
I was in Car sales, and the first customer that I approached, I swear I was going to throw up, the next one was a little easier, and so forth. What I mean by practice isn't like hitting on a bunch of girls. When you go to a grocery store, wait in the line that has a woman checkout person, have a quick, polite conversation. Going to the bank, pick the female teller. Just get used to talking to people, build confidence in yourself, and you will be fine. I had the same problem.

 
Old 05-18-2004, 05:30 PM   #14
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

If it's any consolation, I was a shy & "listening" type myself when I was in my 20's & even my 30's.
For me it was time and time alone that made me feel more comfortable with others.
(Getting married at age 35 and gaining wild & crazy in-laws didn't hurt my ability to feel less inhibited either...)

 
Old 05-19-2004, 12:42 AM   #15
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Re: Help with creating conversation/being more social?

You know, I have a tonne of trouble talking to the 'typical' guy. I don't watch sports, I don't play golf, I don't know a thing about cars. Whereas I am the social butterfly, my sister is the one in the corner that makes the funny comments once in a while but is mostly referred to as being 'invisible'. (terrible, I know). But as of lately, SHE has cracked the shell and exploded...lol the first thing she mentions is where is works...with boy toys- boats, motorbikes, quads, snowmobiles, etc. Now she is the centre of attention of guys and I am at a complete loss! I have no idea how to add to the conversation, how to even listen with interest! It completely cuts me off from the group, which is the most irratating thing when I go out to have a good time. (okay, so I realize I can't be centre of attention always, but come on, when you talking to 8 guys with your sister who is in a serious relationship and you are single, help a girl out!!)

SO, guy, what I am saying, at first, stick with things that aren't so gender typical! I swear its the key. Open a line with something like music, concerts, movies, travel, family. ANYTHING rather then the closed remarks of extreme macho or girly things. I am not that girly myself, a clothes conversation or what my girlfriends hair does in the wind is up there with the sports and boats. But music, movies, books, places to go would be the best things to talk about. And always remember, its highly unlikely you will ever see them again, so don't be TOO conscious of how you come off, its more natural if you are just yourself. And smile and eye contact...always good things.

Good luck!

blue

 
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