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Old 05-17-2004, 08:21 AM   #1
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madcat HB User
This girl trying to play me?

I was dating this girl for 2-3 weeks, everything was great. This past weekend however, I took her out with my friends. She seemed real attached to one of my good friends...the second night to the point where he was getting all the laughs, the attention and they were even teaming up to take the **** out of me.

This was the first time that I saw that side of her and it was really disappointing because I was diggin on her, and I thought her me.

It also seemed like my friend was trying to impress her right before my eyes.

Now, my problem is is that I feel like crap. I have an aweful feeling in the pit of my stomach >> anger and jealousy. It's a problem because I hate feeling this way. I feel like if the 2 were to hookup I'd have some serious issues.

I don't know whether to just stop calling altogether or talk to my friend about it. Any help!

 
Old 05-17-2004, 08:25 AM   #2
tslask
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Re: This girl trying to play me?

Just from reading your post, I'm guessing that you've known your good friend longer than the girl. What I would do is calmy ask your friend about it. This way if there was nothing going on, you can avoid accusing your new girlfriend of something and messing it up. If this friend of yours is close, I think he should understand when you let him know you suspect something going on.

 
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Old 05-17-2004, 08:58 AM   #3
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eightball61 HB User
Re: This girl trying to play me?

Its a sign of jealousy. You have been only dating for 3 weeks and in a relation you will always learn somthing new about that person. Now, she may have been digging his humor but you really don't know if they were digging each other. If you both are still together then you have nothing to worry about. If it bother you that much then just ask her.

I don't see anything wrong here unless the exchanged numbers and talking to eachother on a regular basis. If you want to feel safe then don't go out with your friend and her at the same time for a few weeks.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 09:04 AM   #4
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JLKH HB User
Re: This girl trying to play me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
Its a sign of jealousy. You have been only dating for 3 weeks and in a relation you will always learn somthing new about that person. Now, she may have been digging his humor but you really don't know if they were digging each other. If you both are still together then you have nothing to worry about. If it bother you that much then just ask her.

I don't see anything wrong here unless the exchanged numbers and talking to eachother on a regular basis. If you want to feel safe then don't go out with your friend and her at the same time for a few weeks.
hmm... I disagree actually. I've seen long standing friendships end of less. I would strongly recommend he talk to his friend and his girl friend about this. Don't make a big deal out of it yet just explain how it made you feel.

With your girl friend approach it by saying how you're happy she is getting along with your friends and you realize that you might be reading things into it that aren't there but that how she was acting with your friend seemed kinda flirtacious to you and made you a bit uncomfortable.

With your friend just flat out ask him if he's attracted to your girlfriend. Tell him how the situation seemed and felt to you and ask him if he could help you by not encouraging it in the future.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 09:51 AM   #5
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Re: This girl trying to play me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JLKH
With your friend just flat out ask him if he's attracted to your girlfriend. Tell him how the situation seemed and felt to you and ask him if he could help you by not encouraging it in the future.
How many close friend you know would come out and say "Yes, I am attracted to your girlfriend". I do agree with asking but what ever the answer is still express the feelings on the situation.

As for her, Yes he needs to talk to her but like I said in a relationship we learn somthing new everyday. We never know 100% about our partner in a relationship and this could have been a charecterist that she has always had but he never notice it. Anothers words he could be getting jealous thinking she is acting different because he never notice it even when they first met.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 10:52 AM   #6
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Re: This girl trying to play me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
How many close friend you know would come out and say "Yes, I am attracted to your girlfriend". I do agree with asking but what ever the answer is still express the feelings on the situation.

As for her, Yes he needs to talk to her but like I said in a relationship we learn somthing new everyday. We never know 100% about our partner in a relationship and this could have been a charecterist that she has always had but he never notice it. Anothers words he could be getting jealous thinking she is acting different because he never notice it even when they first met.
Well I didn't say he'd get a straight answer from his friend. But that's not the point. The point of asking his friend is this. IF his friend does like his girl friend then by his asking he is clueing the friend into the fact that he is on to him. This might make the friend stop or at least not be so obvious about his attraction. If the friend doesn't find her attractive then it will still make that friend be more aware of his actions and tone it down a bit. This will make the boyfriend feel more comfortable and also hopefully make the girl friend chill out some on how she acts with the friend.

I know this sounds like game playing but seriously it is better to talk then to not.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 11:16 AM   #7
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eightball61 HB User
Re: This girl trying to play me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by JLKH
Well I didn't say he'd get a straight answer from his friend. But that's not the point. The point of asking his friend is this. IF his friend does like his girl friend then by his asking he is clueing the friend into the fact that he is on to him. This might make the friend stop or at least not be so obvious about his attraction. If the friend doesn't find her attractive then it will still make that friend be more aware of his actions and tone it down a bit. This will make the boyfriend feel more comfortable and also hopefully make the girl friend chill out some on how she acts with the friend.

I know this sounds like game playing but seriously it is better to talk then to not.

And again I do agree with that. It is aways better to talk or hint thing out. I used to be the type that hid from thing or was never open. Now I don't care, and if somthing is on my mind I let it out.

And your view was well understood

 
Old 05-17-2004, 11:37 AM   #8
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madcat HB User
Re: This girl trying to play me?

You guys are absolutely correct. That's why I come here. I asked him if he thought she was coming onto him, and he told me no...that I was probably way off. He would have felt really uncomfortable it that were the case.

Last edited by madcat; 05-17-2004 at 11:39 AM.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 11:55 AM   #9
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eightball61 HB User
Re: This girl trying to play me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by madcat
You guys are absolutely correct. That's why I come here. I asked him if he thought she was coming onto him, and he told me no...that I was probably way off. He would have felt really uncomfortable it that were the case.
Well hopefully he was honest with you and being a good friend I am sure that he was. Just keep your eyes open but maybe you don't have anything to worry about. Like I said before this could just be a trait you never noticed about her.

Jklh~is right you need to talk to your GF also

Last edited by eightball61; 05-17-2004 at 12:08 PM.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 11:55 AM   #10
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Re: This girl trying to play me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by madcat
You guys are absolutely correct. That's why I come here. I asked him if he thought she was coming onto him, and he told me no...that I was probably way off. He would have felt really uncomfortable it that were the case.
Did you tell him that their behavior had made you uncomfortable? You should find a way to let him know this. He and your girlfriend need to know that you felt they were a little to friendly and even if it is just crazy unfounded jealousy you didn't like it and would appriciate it if they cooled it a little.

Have you talked to your girl friend yet?

 
Old 05-17-2004, 12:10 PM   #11
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madcat HB User
Re: This girl trying to play me?

No, I was debating on even letting her know and carrying this out any further. Seems like she could just use it to jerk my string whenever she wanted...if we continued seeing each other.

I'll let me friend know if it ever comes up again, maybe he got the hint.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 12:12 PM   #12
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Re: This girl trying to play me?

she might be trying to get closer to you by befriending your friends. if your friends think she is cool then she is in. alot of new relationships end fast because of friends and girlfriends not getting along.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 12:30 PM   #13
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eightball61 HB User
Re: This girl trying to play me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by madcat
No, I was debating on even letting her know and carrying this out any further. Seems like she could just use it to jerk my string whenever she wanted...if we continued seeing each other.

I'll let me friend know if it ever comes up again, maybe he got the hint.

I may still bring it up...don't do it in a fighting manner but let her know how your feelings..She has the right to know.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 12:32 PM   #14
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JLKH HB User
Re: This girl trying to play me?

Quote:
Originally Posted by madcat
No, I was debating on even letting her know and carrying this out any further. Seems like she could just use it to jerk my string whenever she wanted...if we continued seeing each other.

I'll let me friend know if it ever comes up again, maybe he got the hint.
Well that is a good point. However one could argue that if she's the type that would do this to jerk your strings then maybe she isn't the kind of girl you want to date long term anyway. I know if I told my boy friend something he did was bothering me and he did it just to get to me I'd dump him pretty quickly.

But as pinkie1234 said she might also just be trying to get in good with your friends to get closer to you. Which is a good thing. So maybe the best course of action is to just work with your friend about it and not involve her yet. But if it continues and/or if you see other signs that she is definately flirtying I would then strongly recommend talking to her about it.

 
Old 05-17-2004, 02:51 PM   #15
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madcat HB User
Re: This girl trying to play me?

Of course, seems like she wouldn't try to put me down to get closer to me. That's why I have a hard time with that.

Only thing is, if they really are attracted to each other...I don't want to call this girl again. How would I find out without looking like I've been jumping to conclusions...

Ah well, I don't even know if it's worth all of this thought. She bugged me and I think I have the right to feel the way I do. Just don't know if I should take one bad weekend and throw it down the drain.

- Thanks, you all are the coolest.

 
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