Last time I posted I was having difficulties with my husband, and had discovered I was pregnant. I was right, I ended up miscarrying, on MOTHERS DAY! Wonderful timing. I feel better now, other than being a bit tearful. It hasnt made things worse with my husband. If anything, its the first time Ive seen him be sympathetic and kind in a long time. I guess I spent so much time being mad at him, he had stopped seeing the "human" side of me. Its like needing him made him feel better and useful again. Ive learned to tone it down. I dont have any really good reasons to be mad at him. Honestly, most of my anger was directed towards behaviors he had in response to me being angry in the first place. Ive felt pretty mellow lately. Like the miscarriage has given me some perspective. I love him. He loves me. I need to quit being in survival mode here. I always feel the need to defend myself, and as a result, Im always on edge. After all, it wont get better if I am always responding to him as if Im being attacked. We have both been through alot. And newlywedgurl, I read your post. Im sorry. Really and truly. I understand how you must feel-the first man I almost married had serious substance abuse issues. He managed to get me into some of it, but I quit on my own and grew up, he didnt. I had to leave him, but I hope you dont have to make that decision, because it is very hard. In the end, you have to do what is best for YOU. I know its a tremendous amount of pressure, especially when he believes he cannot do this without you, but he cant be relying on others to get him better. It is entirely up to him, and him only. In the end, you will make the right decision, that I know for sure. I just wanted to let you know that Im having an insanely crappy time right now too. I know that probably offers little comfort, but for me it helps to know that other people are living their lives bearing equally huge burdens. Im not the only one, and neither are you. Take care.
Sophia, thank you so very much. I really needed that. I am embracing every tiny bit of good I see and hear right now. It keeps me going. I dont know about strong. Alot of the stuff that has happened has sort of landed in my lap. I dont have a choice but to weather these storms. All I know is that I am 27, going on 80.
anne, I am so sorry honey. I wish I could offer some words of consolement, though I don't know what they would be. Thank you for your depth of love for people, though. How rare is it to find people who, even when they are hurting themselves, can still hurt for someone else.
I was glad to hear, however, that your hubby is being supportive and understanding. People keep telling me that God never gives you more than you can handle....and that everything happens for a reason. I don't know if any of that is true. All I can do right now is try to see some positives in light of all of the horrible negatives. The positive for you is that you and your husband have reconnected. It is a shame that it is under these circumstances, but it is still much better than facing this without his support.
Please know that you will be in my thoughts and prayers.