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Old 05-18-2004, 10:08 PM   #1
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Question Any Opinion......

Hi everyone! I was just wondering what is people's opinions on how long a person should wait after one relationship, before entering another.
My ex is pushing me to get into another relationship. I think it is because it is the only way he can move on. But I dont think it is fair on the guy I choose to date if the only reason I am doing it is to finally get rid of my old one. I am also not that type of person.
What do u all think?


sookchi

 
Old 05-19-2004, 12:01 AM   #2
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Re: Any Opinion......

What does Dr. Joy Brown say? I think it was one month for every year you were together. Anyway, my opinion is when you don't feel in love or strong pain for the person you broke up with. You shouldn't start something else just to fill a void.

 
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Old 05-19-2004, 12:11 AM   #3
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Re: Any Opinion......

You're ex is pushing you to find another boyfriend? What a considerate kind of guy he is. Most don't usually care about what an ex does after their relationship is over and you don't sound too heartbroken about it either. Now your are concerned about being fair on a new guy as a result of what the ex is suggesting for you do do.

Let me ask you a couple of questions.

1 How long has it been since you broke up and how long do you think should be the waiting period as things stand, being influenced by your ex?

2 How long do you think should be the waiting period if your boyfriend never gave you a second thought after the breakup and it was completely up to you to decide the length of the waiting period?

 
Old 05-19-2004, 12:29 AM   #4
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Re: Any Opinion......

Quote:
Originally Posted by desertdweller
What does Dr. Joy Brown say? I think it was one month for every year you were together. Anyway, my opinion is when you don't feel in love or strong pain for the person you broke up with. You shouldn't start something else just to fill a void.

How do these guys come up with this formula, "one month for every year"? LOL I wonder how many people follow it? A 20 year waiting period for every one makes just as much sense to me. I say whenever one feels right about it without any influence from anyone else, be it an ex or a dr.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 04:56 AM   #5
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Re: Any Opinion......

Your ex wants you to find another man in your life so HE can Move ON?
Never heard of this before? Is your Ex guilty of something?
Since he is your ex - he is no longer part of your life and that being said he should not be telling you how you should live your life or when you should start dating.

As far as when to start dating after a break up? Everyone is different and what is right for one person may not be for another. Also, how long were you involved with your ex? Were the two of you just dating, were you so in love? Are you still hoping you & your ex will get back together?

All I can offer to say is...When your ready to date again you will know.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 05:32 AM   #6
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Re: Any Opinion......

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
Your ex wants you to find another man in your life so HE can Move ON?
Never heard of this before? .
I have heard this before and i the situation was that the guy wanted to move on but he felt guilty dating because his girlfriend wasn't....pretty shallow in my eyes

Go with the flow and don't let him push you into a relationship. If you are not ready then that is your choice. Remember that you both are broken up; so why should he even care? Its nice if you too are still friends but that really isn't friendly advice for him to push you.

Let him know when you are ready to move on you will. If he is ready then tell him to just go. Everyone takes a different time period to get over a relationship & its not even that bad to even enjoy the singal life.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 06:30 AM   #7
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Re: Any Opinion......

Tell him to mind his own business, that who and when you date is not his concern! You date again when you feel ready and not a minute before.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 06:57 AM   #8
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Re: Any Opinion......

You should wait as long as you want to. When you are ready, you will know. Don't let anyone push you into a relationship. You should wait as long as it feels right to you. Hes your ex. You no longer are obligated to please him in anyway, including getting in a relationship with some poor guy when you are not ready to.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 07:20 AM   #9
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Re: Any Opinion......

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoop
How do these guys come up with this formula, "one month for every year"? LOL I wonder how many people follow it? A 20 year waiting period for every one makes just as much sense to me. I say whenever one feels right about it without any influence from anyone else, be it an ex or a dr.
I completely agree with Hoop. These formulas are ridiculous. There should be no formula. Do it when you feel like it. If you meet someone you are attracted to, why would you not go out with them? Who cares what the ex wants or thinks? It's your life.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 07:30 AM   #10
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Re: Any Opinion......

When my long term relationship ended a few months ago, I tried to date a little, it didnt work for me. I was still not over my ex, so I just took some time off and quit looking so hard and that is when my fabulous new boyfriend walked into my life. I knew right away that I was ready to get into a relationship with him. Bottom line is.... You will know when you are ready to date again. Dont pressure yourself at all. Just let it happen.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 07:43 AM   #11
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Re: Any Opinion......

I agree with everyone.

When I broke up with my boyfriend of 3 1/2 years, he started dating right away (fishy, I know) but I did not date for a year and a half. I liked being single, so when my current boyfriend came into my life, I was friends with him for a while before deciding to date.

I'm one of those people who do not date for the sake of dating. I dated two people so far in my life, and have had a serious relationship with both of them. You know your style...stay true to it, and don't accommodate your ex's selfish wishes. You are absolutely right that it would be unfair to the guy you are dating if you were only doing it to pacify your ex. Expecially if the new guy really liked you!

I also agree with the post that mentioned finding someone when you are not looking. It happens all the time! Enjoy your life the way YOU want to right now!

Last edited by Red Velvet; 05-19-2004 at 07:44 AM.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 07:49 AM   #12
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Re: Any Opinion......

It's so interesting that people keep bringing up the "love happens when not looking" issue. I kinda decided, forget about love. I just need a date for my sister's wedding this summer. Am I more likely to find him when I just resign myself to going alone? Just wondering outloud.

Last edited by SophiaM; 05-19-2004 at 07:50 AM.

 
Old 05-19-2004, 08:06 AM   #13
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Re: Any Opinion......

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
It's so interesting that people keep bringing up the "love happens when not looking" issue. I kinda decided, forget about love. I just need a date for my sister's wedding this summer. Am I more likely to find him when I just resign myself to going alone? Just wondering outloud.
I am sure you havn't forgot about love... You just lost your sense to look for it and let it happen to you. Love and be a beautiful and happy feeling but then love is not for everyone. Some people rather just rather be singal and enjoy their life, some rather like a lot than just love one, or some are just not happy.


I would be honored to be your date though for the wedding

 
Old 05-19-2004, 08:16 AM   #14
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Re: Any Opinion......

[QUOTE=eightball61I would be honored to be your date though for the wedding [/QUOTE]

Yeeeah, right...and your girlfriend would be chasing me with a hatchet. I have not yet lost my desire to live!

 
Old 05-19-2004, 08:32 AM   #15
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Re: Any Opinion......

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
It's so interesting that people keep bringing up the "love happens when not looking" issue. I kinda decided, forget about love. I just need a date for my sister's wedding this summer. Am I more likely to find him when I just resign myself to going alone? Just wondering outloud.
It's funny you should say that but it is so true. I know how hard to beleive it.
HEY, I was reading dear abby last night and the topic was Single Woman hating being asked why they are single or when are they going to find Mr.Right. I laughed and thought of this board...

One woman wrote in that when she was asked such a question why she was not w/someone she said she guessed she was just lucky, she went on to say she finally realized that if one isn't happy being single he/she will not be happy being married either. Dear Abby agreed with her and so do I.

I did the miseable single feeling and only when I was happy with myself did I meet my boyfriend..slash finace now..Who as you know I am mad at right now But, if I have to be single again...I know I would be happy again.

Sophia, instead of having a date for your sister's wedding go alone or w/a girfriend..This is your family gathering and think about it...do you want to spend the day flirting with some eligible bachelors you may or may not meet or do you want to sit at a table enteraining a guy who doesn't know any family memebers. AND please don't go off into the night w/some guy who is looking to score for the night.

 
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