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Old 05-20-2004, 06:25 AM   #1
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Question I don't know how to......

Me and my fiancee been arguing about the smallest of things everyday for about a month or two. Actually, she argues with me, everything that I do annoys her. We hardly have sex, she doesn't wear her ring anymore, she doesn't touch me, I guess she is just not in love with me momentarily, she says I don't do anything but watch tv and sleep and stuff like that, I've been trying to be active in the house and stuff. Yesterday we decided that we needed some time off. Her father suffered a stroke the day before and she's been really stressed. Last night, I went to pick up my clothes and my firend which happens to be her brother in law told me that his wifes and my fiaancee's father has lung cancer and they don't know if it's terminally ill or not just yet, so I decided to stay and wait for her to show her that I care about her and her family, after a few hours there showing her support. We turned on the TV to go to sleep, she didn't want me to watch baseball cause it annoys her and she wanted to go to sleep, so we had a brief argument and I just went to sleep while she just watched something that she didn't care about. This morning we commute to work together and I happen to step on her, she told me if I wasn't going to say sorry and I told her why, she knows I am, to get over it and she didn't sleep good last night and I told her she looked like *****, so she proceeded to tell me that I always find something nice to her feel better and stuff, sarcastically of course, it's just hard for me I guess, I hate this arguing. I think she is tired of me? She needs a break or something from me? I just don't know how to act, I've never been in this position, probably losing a parent or something? What kind I possibly do to show her that I do love her and I want her to feel that she can come to me and talk and I can be someone that she can lean for support eventhough I don't exactly know what to say or do? Thanks guys!
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Old 05-20-2004, 06:47 AM   #2
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Re: I don't know how to......

Quote:
Originally Posted by junalo
Me and my fiancee been arguing about the smallest of things everyday for about a month or two. Actually, she argues with me, everything that I do annoys her. We hardly have sex, she doesn't wear her ring anymore, she doesn't touch me, I guess she is just not in love with me momentarily, she says I don't do anything but watch tv and sleep and stuff like that, I've been trying to be active in the house and stuff. Yesterday we decided that we needed some time off. Her father suffered a stroke the day before and she's been really stressed. Last night, I went to pick up my clothes and my firend which happens to be her brother in law told me that his wifes and my fiaancee's father has lung cancer and they don't know if it's terminally ill or not just yet, so I decided to stay and wait for her to show her that I care about her and her family, after a few hours there showing her support. We turned on the TV to go to sleep, she didn't want me to watch baseball cause it annoys her and she wanted to go to sleep, so we had a brief argument and I just went to sleep while she just watched something that she didn't care about. This morning we commute to work together and I happen to step on her, she told me if I wasn't going to say sorry and I told her why, she knows I am, to get over it and she didn't sleep good last night and I told her she looked like *****, so she proceeded to tell me that I always find something nice to her feel better and stuff, sarcastically of course, it's just hard for me I guess, I hate this arguing. I think she is tired of me? She needs a break or something from me? I just don't know how to act, I've never been in this position, probably losing a parent or something? What kind I possibly do to show her that I do love her and I want her to feel that she can come to me and talk and I can be someone that she can lean for support eventhough I don't exactly know what to say or do? Thanks guys!

Be gentle. Take care of her. Be extra considerate. Ask her if she needs anything. Tell her you are there if she needs to talk. And just be supportive. There are situations such as this that happen in life that she will need you to be her rock. There are times that the situation will be reversed and you will need her to be strong for you. This is not the time to argue with her. If she seems stressed, simply giving her a hug and telling her how much you love her and you are here for her does wonders. Just be gentle.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:09 AM   #3
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Re: I don't know how to......

Yes, be gentle and supportive. And for pete's sake, don't EVER tell her she looks like ****. I mean EVER, not even if she slept one hour that night. That would make any woman mad. Tell her she looks beautiful instead. Get her flowers or give her a massage. She must be very stressed right now. And, once in a while, you could watch what she likes to watch instead of arguing. It takes two to argue, right?

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:14 AM   #4
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Re: I don't know how to......

One question? Its hard to follow that post, but when she didn't sleep well and she woke up, you then told her that she looked like S***. lol, and you think she may be losing love for you? Right?

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:21 AM   #5
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Re: I don't know how to......

I know...that struck me too! NEVER tell a woman she looks like ****! EVER! If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:22 AM   #6
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Re: I don't know how to......

I said it playing around, just kidding with her, me pesonally, if I had a bad night I know I would be tired and would feel and look like crap so it wouldn't bother me that someone would tell me that, then again yeah I am a little inconsiderate I act very immature and I know that really annoys her!
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Old 05-20-2004, 07:23 AM   #7
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Re: I don't know how to......

Quote:
Originally Posted by junalo
I said it playing around, just kidding with her, me pesonally, if I had a bad night I know I would be tired and would feel and look like crap so it wouldn't bother me that someone would tell me that, then again yeah I am a little inconsiderate I act very immature and I know that really annoys her!
Well, that's fine. But now is not the time to be immature, inconsiderate, or annoying. Now is the time to be her knight in shining armor and take care of her.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:25 AM   #8
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Re: I don't know how to......

especially since she couldn't sleep because her Dad had a stroke. Geezus, dude. She might be losing love for you.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:30 AM   #9
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Re: I don't know how to......

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
One question? Its hard to follow that post, but when she didn't sleep well and she woke up, you then told her that she looked like S***. lol, and you think she may be losing love for you? Right?
Corey, I'm glad you know this much about women's psychology LOL. This valuable knowledge will one day save your life. It's a new golden rule for staying alive while living with a woman "NEVER TELL HER SHE LOOKS LIKE ****". Ha, ha I would actually go further to: "OFTEN TELL HER SHE LOOKS HOT AND BEAUTIFUL." That's one good way to have a woman eat of out of the palm of your hand.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:31 AM   #10
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Re: I don't know how to......

I learned the hard way, dear.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:33 AM   #11
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Re: I don't know how to......

And one more thing. Never tell her she looks TIRED, either. Maybe it wouldn't bother you, but it surely would bother any girl. Try to be more mature and less annoying, please. She needs a man now, not a boy.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:40 AM   #12
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Re: I don't know how to......

You told her she looked like **** and stepped on her and didn't say you were sorry? I'd be really ****** at you if I were her!

Heck this morning I got dressed in a special outfit to go to work because I have a graduation ceremony that I will be a presenter at tonight and I asked my husband "how do I look?" and he said "I'd do ya!" and that ****** me off. I expected him to say that I looked great even if I didn't. Hell, he'd do me wearing a dirty tee shirt and shorts so saying that he'd do me doesn't mean very much.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 07:44 AM   #13
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Re: I don't know how to......

Quote:
Originally Posted by trystme
You told her she looked like **** and stepped on her and didn't say you were sorry? I'd be really ****** at you if I were her!

Heck this morning I got dressed in a special outfit to go to work because I have a graduation ceremony that I will be a presenter at tonight and I asked my husband "how do I look?" and he said "I'd do ya!" and that ****** me off. I expected him to say that I looked great even if I didn't. Hell, he'd do me wearing a dirty tee shirt and shorts so saying that he'd do me doesn't mean very much.
Ha, ha, welcome to the planets of Mars and Venus! Guys can be SO Clueless sometimes, I can't even comprehend this. My ex boyfriend once saw an overwheight woman at the beach, and said to ME, someone who weighs 110 lbs, "Don't EVER get that fat. You would look so ugly." How's that for a smart thing to say? Ugh.

 
Old 05-20-2004, 09:50 AM   #14
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annebash HB User
Re: I don't know how to......

My husband has made a habit of telling me how hot I am. lol. Its probaby why I married the guy. Although, a couple of weeks ago he was joking that I had gained weight (im usually pretty skinny) and I found out after that I was pregnant. And, as you all know by now, I miscarried. Somewhere during my hormonal firestorm of hell, I ended up bawling at him that he had called me fat and I dont think he will ever be doing that again. lol. I agree with newlywedgurl, during times of stress, your girl needs you to be strong and tolerant and supportive. My husband sometimes lacks there. I was having a miscarriage, on mothers day, and he was giving me a hard time about being in a foul mood. I finally just said "ok. I could understand you being annoyed under different circumstances, but do you have any idea what is going on here?? Im losing our baby. I feel like crap. Im also sad. WHATS WRONG WITH YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!????". I dont mean to male-bash here, but ive noticed that he tends to focus on how everything affects him. I feel awful physically and mentally, and hes worried about how my mood affects him. Puh-leeeeze! After I said that, he finally got it. Im still irked about having to demand his support, but he DID hear me, which is good, I suppose. arrrrgh!

 
Old 05-20-2004, 10:11 AM   #15
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Re: I don't know how to......

First of ALL...get yourself to a HALLMARK store and Find her a card that says what YOU CAN'T communicate. Surprise her with it, by that I mean stick it someplace where she will find it. Under a pillow, in her purse, make her a brown bag lunch and stick a Sticky Note with her sandwhich, tell her YOUR SORRY that you never have the right words to say, or HOW beautiful SHE really is and you are there for her if she wants to talk or just needs a hug.

NEVER ever....Tell a Woman she looks like Crap She already knows that..you silly boy.

What kind of "stuff" are you doing around the house? Maybe she wants a Life w/You but not watching TV or just hanging in the house. Have you taken her out to dinner or a movie? Take her Shopping to Victoria Secrets and have her buy something, or buy her some flowers & perfume...

Be there for HER...even if it's just sitting there w/your arms around her and if she wants to open up to you...Let her TALK and Listen to her....let her Vent if that is all she needs to do....

 
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