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Old 05-20-2004, 03:04 PM   #1
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PAISLEY HB User
Crazy questions!

Why are relationships so hard? Is it that we expect too much out of the person we are with, only to be let down when something goes wrong?

It's so difficult to maintain a certain level of intimacy, friendship, respect, etc...while trying to juggle all the different stresses of life!!

How does one manage a career, a family and a love-life??

Actually, these are two separate questions...

Peace!~

 
Old 05-21-2004, 07:34 AM   #2
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Re: Crazy questions!

anybody who tells you that relationships aren't hard, is a liar...they take a lot of work, compromise, and patience...nobody is perfect and you cannot mold somebody into the perfect person...you will always have tiffs with each other...in my eyes, if a couple doesn't fight then there is something wrong...

as for managing a career and a love life and all that...once again, it takes a lot of work...you learn the tricks to get it all done...but it is difficult...
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Old 05-21-2004, 08:54 AM   #3
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Re: Crazy questions!

Why are relationships so hard? I guess because thats life. Life is not easy, either are relationships. I think some do set their expectations too high for their partner and when their partner makes a mistake, they are shocked and disappointed. Humans make mistakes. We are not perfect so we can't expect perfection out of someone else. Nobody can put 100% into their love life; 100% into their family and 100% into their career at the same time. Mathmatically it can't even happen. Some get too into their career and loose their spouse. Others are too involved in their family and loose their career. I think it is all a hard thing to juggle. One has to figure out what is the most important to them and focus the majority of their energy there.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 09:37 AM   #4
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Re: Crazy questions!

exactly, you have to figure out where you want your priorities to be...
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Old 05-21-2004, 09:46 AM   #5
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Re: Crazy questions!

In my opinion, relationships are so hard nowadays partly because commitment has lost its true meaning. People don't expect marriages to last, and a lot of people are terrified of any type of commitment. How can you ever feel 'safe' and comfortable to express your true feelings, if the other person can just walk out for any stupid reason? I have friends who have been dating their boyfriends for years and years, trying to be good girlfriends, providing sex, emotional support, company, etc., and there's still no ring on their fingers. They're frustrated, yes, because after years of investing in these relationship, they might have to end up starting from scratch. Which has happened to me. I feel like I am now emotionally empty because I gave so much to my ex fiance and to the two guys I dated after him, and it was not appreciate it. So I'm not going to do any hard work anymore. the hell with it. Whether you work hard at relatioships or not, the end result is still the same so why bother.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 09:50 AM   #6
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Re: Crazy questions!

And by the way, my sister didn't have to work hard at her relationship or bend herself backwards like so many women do. She's just herself and her husband loves her for it. She told me "when it's right, you don't have to work so hard."

 
Old 05-21-2004, 09:54 AM   #7
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Re: Crazy questions!

Relationships are only as hard as you want them to be. Know yourself, know what you want, except no less then your willing to give. Be happy with yourself and relationships can fall in to place. Having the right partner can make it less hard...and as the saying goes....Trial & Error....

How to juggle career, raising a family, and having a relationship...

My family always came frist, my career - well I don't have a career I have a job - came second, because I need to work in order to make money and raise my child then came my relationship - this is because for me...I'm a single working mother -

I chose to work for companies who are Family Friendly also one that is close to my home so in case of any emergencies with my son - I could work in Boston and make the Big bucks but I would be too far from my son and can't deal with the traffic...But I have managed to work or find jobs close to home with good pay. When I work, I give 120% of myself - if my home life is happy and stable, my job is happy and stable then it falls into my relationship as well...See, being a Working single mother has advantages for I can focus on what is important to me...My child and then my job..It's amazing what we woman can do - Juggling Acts: raising a family, working, and having a relationship...It's picking your Priorities that make you happy.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 10:52 AM   #8
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Re: Crazy questions!

Ok..Let me give you all my story...

I was involved with my guy about 4 years ago off and on (meaning we were seeing other people and were not exclusive)...So, we decided to be exclusive about 1.5 years ago. We got along GREAT while we were fooling around and not exclusive. But as time went by, I guess we both got comfortable and now that we are exclusive, all we seem to do is argue. It's like we are letting each other down more and more, we are more sensitive and short-fused, we are more apt to get jealous...it's just a mess!!

Here's another spin. I have a child by someone else but my bf adores my daughter and treats her like she's his own. However, my bf takes it VERY personal and gets highly upset, emotional and angry when it comes to how I have been handling the situation with my child's father. The situation is that I haven't taken him to court for child support so there is no structure to visitations or no financial support from him. My child's father goes months without calling or seeing my daughter so I basically have written him off as a deadbeat dad and I don't worry about him too much. I can't make him be a dad, he can't keep a job and he's a weedhead and drunk driver. I honestly don't want him around my dauther and neither does my bf, BUT my bf gets very mad AT ME when I don't "handle" my child's father like he thinks I should. Yeah, I used to let him see her and talk to her on the phone b/c I didn't want to deny my DAUGTHER the right to know who her father is. But, since she's gotten older, she is understanding that her bio dad is not around and my bf is so that is who she identifies with and that's why I've *tried* very hard to handle this situation the best way I know how. I am still gathering information as far as taking him to court but I don't know if I really want that...anyway...

So...in a nutshell my bf and I are on the rocks CONSTANTLY because of my child's father and how I choose to deal with him. Is it any of his business anyway?? I know I haven't done everything I could've/should've done but I honestly feel like this is ONE of the things that will break us up! In my heart of hearts I want to believe that my having a child is not a problem. But I am beginning to think that it is! Last week, my bf told me that he feels "obligated" to my daughter now so leaving our situation would be very wrong because that will mean 2 men have walked out of her life. I really didn't know how to take this.

A mess, huh??

 
Old 05-23-2004, 05:43 AM   #9
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Re: Crazy questions!

This post brings up so many subjects of previous posts.The answer is dependent on each individual.Take my situation,i am about to take over my company,i"m engaged to someone who originally thought like Sophia,and i"m approaching the 40"s.
Putting time into one thing ,takes time away from the other,and i still have to find time for me.
I try to make sure were both on the same page and communicate more.Any change in your life ,even a good one affects the SO.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 08:37 AM   #10
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Re: Crazy questions!

Quote:
Originally Posted by PAISLEY
Why are relationships so hard? Is it that we expect too much out of the person we are with, only to be let down when something goes wrong?

It's so difficult to maintain a certain level of intimacy, friendship, respect, etc...while trying to juggle all the different stresses of life!!

How does one manage a career, a family and a love-life??

Actually, these are two separate questions...

Peace!~
To me, relationships are hard because deep down you have falling for that person but there are a lot of people out there that just rush right into things and latter find out that person wasn't for them. When these feeling go so doesn't the intimacy, friendship, respect, etc.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 08:53 AM   #11
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Re: Crazy questions!

I agree with the fact that you should not expect to much. I am still young - 20 male & working hard (opening my own business), studying & plus have a 5 year relationship with a girl. I have alot of love to give & im not going to expect any in return. I love to be treated good, with love, respect & affection but now i am going to try to eliminate those feelings because im getting older. I am responsible but sometimes i get this urge for a phonecall or hugg from a gf & when i dont get it - i get hurt or disappointed. Life has been hard for me, full of disappointments in love because i have so much to give that i expect the same in return. I am really going to try hard not to expect anything & become a stronger person. I wish there were pills for this coz i have tried before & failed. This is going to be hard since im not emotionally strong. Im a taurean & my gf is a scorpion. I am a very loving person that i cannot say NO to people, always willing to help & listen. I dont & cannot swear anyone or not feel bad for anyone. Sometimes i wish i was normal like other guys & not feel like this. Life is hard! Maybe if i looked really handsome, maybe that would help in the romantic situation. LOL (",)

God Help Me - When in times of need - i will look to god.

 
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