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Old 05-20-2004, 04:00 PM   #1
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Join Date: Dec 2003
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beebsqtip HB User
Unhappy Sooooooooo Frustraited!

I am so frustrated right now. I have been with this guy for about 6 years. I have a daughter with him. For the 6 years I have been with him. He has had a job on and off. Nothing really permanent and nothing longer than 3 months. I have been pressuring him before to look for a job and once in a while he'll actually look but he never really tries hard. I have been basically supporting him for the 6 years - with the help of my mom and his parents. Which is frustrating as well. Sometimes itís even my fault because I tend to spend when I am depressed or frustrated and I admit that doesn't help the current situation! Anyways, today I took the day off because we had no sitter for our kid because my mom bailed out on the last minute. He was going to he nephew's school for a field trip that he promised him he would go to. He got back from it at around 1pm today and he had he whole rest of the day to look. He went to 1 place, which was a temp service, which he had forgotten he was already signed up with them. So they just told him that they would give him a call if they have anything. Anyways after that he did nothing. He just came home and played on the Internet. He could have looked for 3 or 4 jobs during that time, but he did nothing. Is it me? I didn't want to say anything cause I will blow up, but I was close to tears. Still am. I can't really pressure him to work. Because just in January he had some heart problems (unstable at the current moment) so the doc. said that he could work but only light duty. So I don't want to pressure him and then regret it if you know what I mean. At the same time I don't want to support him for the rest of his life. Itís so frustrating. I know this isn't an excuse but I am at the point I don't care about paying bills or saving money. I just want to spend cause there is know point in even trying! Am I a ***** for thinking that way? I don't want to leave him because he can't keep a job. But at this rate I don't know what to do! This is not the person that I am. I am with someone because I love that person for who they are! I don't know what to do anymore. I can't live like this for the rest of my life. I am going nowhere. I want to go back to school so I can get a better job but with this much stress I don't know if I can last that long cause I don't want to add to it. Or invest time or money that I can't pull through cause I don't have that right now!

 
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Old 05-21-2004, 04:49 AM   #2
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Join Date: Feb 2004
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Sooooooooo Frustraited!

My question to you is WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS GUY?
6 years...No JOB? come on...Your supporting him? along with your parents and his parents?

If you can support his butt...I would move out and just support yourself and your daughter..Get him to court for child support and see how fast a JUDGE will find him or order him to get a job...Since, your parents & his parents are supporting him they should cut him off and use that money for YOU.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 08:09 AM   #3
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 5,545
SophiaM HB User
Re: Sooooooooo Frustraited!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
My question to you is WHY ARE YOU WITH THIS GUY?
6 years...No JOB? come on...Your supporting him? along with your parents and his parents?

If you can support his butt...I would move out and just support yourself and your daughter..Get him to court for child support and see how fast a JUDGE will find him or order him to get a job...Since, your parents & his parents are supporting him they should cut him off and use that money for YOU.
Best advice anyone could give you. This guy is a DEADBEAT. He's making all kinds of excuses, including his health, to get you to feel sorry for him, so you continue to support him! He's not even your husband for god's sake. Sounds like he's just draining you and sucking your money. Get rid of him is all I can say.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 08:42 AM   #4
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 551
Salinas1 HB User
Re: Sooooooooo Frustraited!

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Best advice anyone could give you. This guy is a DEADBEAT. He's making all kinds of excuses, including his health, to get you to feel sorry for him, so you continue to support him! He's not even your husband for god's sake. Sounds like he's just draining you and sucking your money. Get rid of him is all I can say.
Good observation, Sophia. I do have to figure that she knows this guy is a deadbeat and a negative force in her life. So the real question is, why does she choose to stay. She needs to address the reasons she chooses to stay rather than deflecting her responsibility to act onto his obvious shortcomings.

You can only do what you have control over. She has full control over leaving him; she has zero control over him changing. I see these as really very black and white. Either make a change that you already know is necessary for you to enjoy a different lifestyle, or stay and quit whining. Making good decisions and acting on them is often incredibly difficult and challenging. This is no excuse for caving in to the clearly wrong decision.

I think there would be no value in offering her advice related to him. He is not the one posting and asking for input. He is not the problem. Making the difficult decision appears to be her problem.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 08:46 AM   #5
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Join Date: Apr 2004
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elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: Sooooooooo Frustraited!

Based on your post I think you know what you NEED (not want) to do to better your situation. I think if this guy has not worked more than 3 months at a time in 6 years, hes not going to change. He will never be the type of man you want, which is one who will help support you and your child together. Stop trying to change him. You have given him 6 years to become a working man. After 6 years isn't it obvious he does not want to work and will never work longer than 3 months? You need to face the reality of the situation. You say you don't want to leave him because he can't keep a job. Thats your choice, however because that is your choice then you need to accept your life the way it is. You will work, support him and your child, not go back to school and feel the way you feel now for your entire life. If you don't like that idea, then GET OUT. It really isn't that complicated. I know it is easier said then done, but really you only have 2 options. Live the way you are living now, or leave him and acheive the life you have always wanted for you and your child. He will not change. He is the way he is. You say you can't live like this for the rest of your life. Well, theres your answer: Then don't.

 
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