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Old 05-21-2004, 06:49 AM   #1
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excaliburgrl HB User
anxious

okay, i just had to share this with ya'll....all you regs know what happened to me back in march...and you all know i've been trying to find a job as well...

today i signed up for a free office training class that the base is giving...luckily i called when i did cause i was the last person to fill the slot...my classes are going to be every tues and thurs evening until june 17th and they are FREE...yay...

i'm really excited and nervous at the same time...this is the first time lance will be alone in the house since he hurt me months ago...this is the perfect opportunity for him to show i can start trusting him again...i'm just so scared though...it's all up to him now...
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Old 05-21-2004, 07:10 AM   #2
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CoreyP HB User
Re: anxious

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
okay, i just had to share this with ya'll....all you regs know what happened to me back in march...and you all know i've been trying to find a job as well...

today i signed up for a free office training class that the base is giving...luckily i called when i did cause i was the last person to fill the slot...my classes are going to be every tues and thurs evening until june 17th and they are FREE...yay...

i'm really excited and nervous at the same time...this is the first time lance will be alone in the house since he hurt me months ago...this is the perfect opportunity for him to show i can start trusting him again...i'm just so scared though...it's all up to him now...


I think that is really great, you will be working towards something, and you will feel good about yourself. Good luck!

 
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Old 05-21-2004, 07:13 AM   #3
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: anxious

that's what makes this so exciting...i see so many ads that want knowledge of microsoft word and excel and stuff, so i'm working towards achieving that...i have hopes that i might find a job i enjoy yet...and i know hubby will be excited because he's watched me mope around here...only downside is, he swaps shifts next month and has those two days off...but thems the breaks...
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'to really live you must nearly die'-received from a vietnam vet

 
Old 05-21-2004, 07:17 AM   #4
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: anxious

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
okay, i just had to share this with ya'll....all you regs know what happened to me back in march...and you all know i've been trying to find a job as well...

today i signed up for a free office training class that the base is giving...luckily i called when i did cause i was the last person to fill the slot...my classes are going to be every tues and thurs evening until june 17th and they are FREE...yay...

i'm really excited and nervous at the same time...this is the first time lance will be alone in the house since he hurt me months ago...this is the perfect opportunity for him to show i can start trusting him again...i'm just so scared though...it's all up to him now...
I'm dealing with the same anxiety, hon. When Dh gets home in however-many days, that is when the true test will be. And I am so nervous about it that I don't know if I even want to see how he will do. It would almost be easier to go ahead and spare myself the heartache, the stress, and the feelings that lack of trust bring out in me.

One of the things that I am learning (slowly) is that we can't control other people's behavior. WHich is easy to say when things are going great and there are no issues to worry about. But you really can't write the script from both sides.

He has betrayed your trust. You have chosen to stick it out and see if he will do what he says he will. That is up to him and him alone. There is no amount of ANYTHING that you can do that will keep him from doing that which you fear the most. And that is the scariest part. See, that is where the TRUST factor comes in. Unfortunately for both of you, he screwed that up. If you stay, you stay knowing that you are risking it all again. RIsking that he will do the same thing or worse in the future. But you have already made your decision to stay. Acknowledging the risks and accepting them.

I read a quote somewhere recently (I can't find my shoes let alone where I got this, but I DID look! ) that said something to the effect of "My worst fears have come to be. I will not make reality that which I fear in the future." I don;t know. Something like that anyway. Meaning, we can sit around all day and worry and stress about what might happen. But that does not mean that it will. And it is likely that you may be inviting the very thing that you are worrying about to become reality.

I don't know. I'm trying to be helpful....running on my last fumes of faith.....

 
Old 05-21-2004, 07:19 AM   #5
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: anxious

And good for you!!! for taking care of YOU!!!!

 
Old 05-21-2004, 07:22 AM   #6
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CoreyP HB User
Re: anxious

If all else fails, Exaliburgrl, and Newleywedgirl, you have me. You all are the best, don't let anyone one person affect your life, So many people out there. Easier said then done, but you two are such great people. Be strong....Its friday.... all is good, focus on the good things.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 07:23 AM   #7
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: anxious

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
If all else fails, Exaliburgrl, and Newleywedgirl, you have me. You all are the best, don't let anyone one person affect your life, So many people out there. Easier said then done, but you two are such great people. Be strong....Its friday.... all is good, focus on the good things.
Why thank you Corey! Though Sophia might kick my arse!

 
Old 05-21-2004, 07:25 AM   #8
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CoreyP HB User
Re: anxious

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
Why thank you Corey! Though Sophia might kick my arse!

Sophia, she is the best, I would really love to take her out. No off board contact. Just my luck

 
Old 05-21-2004, 07:25 AM   #9
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: anxious

i think that's part of why i'm doing this too...i can watch him all i want and give up doing things for myself and have him do it again...i want to get out there, lead my own life, and if he does do it again, then at least i have my own job and money to take care of myself...i refuse to be left with nowhere to turn...

i'm trying to restore my faith on this...i still have many down days...he has opened up so much since all this has happened...and we are working very hard to get back to the way we were before all this started happening...

but like you and i both have said, i can't control his actions...i can put a password lock on the computer, but he could still cheat physically...i just have to take that risk...
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Old 05-21-2004, 07:28 AM   #10
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: anxious

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
If all else fails, Exaliburgrl, and Newleywedgirl, you have me. You all are the best, don't let anyone one person affect your life, So many people out there. Easier said then done, but you two are such great people. Be strong....Its friday.... all is good, focus on the good things.
i know there are other fish in the sea...that is one positive if he fails me again...i truly do love him, but i will move on if he continues to hurt me...i forced myself to think about what it would be like to be single again and it wasn't a terrible thought...not that i would want to give up my hubby, but i know i'll survive without him...
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Old 05-21-2004, 07:32 AM   #11
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: anxious

excaliburgrl - Good For YOU! Good Luck...it's ok to feel nervous or anxious
because it's that New unknown road your taking...You may meet new people as well in your class as well learning a new skill and bettering yourself.

Like Newlywedgurl said you can't control what Lance does when your not home. You can Only Hope it doesn't let you down again. BUT...keep the focus on YOU and what you will be doing with this class...Learning Skills to better enhance YOU and find a job for YOU to make you feel like the woman you want to be. Lance sounds like a wonderful husband and you know it.
OK, so he has some flaws...Hopefully...if he loves you enough, he respects you enough and knows you will be disappointed He will Not be on the sites.
Worrying about it won't stop him, babysitting him won't stop him, this will be something he will have to figure out on his own..

 
Old 05-21-2004, 07:42 AM   #12
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: anxious

yeah, i had his best friend bite my head off recently..he said he was tired of me treating lance like a child...i shot back with "if he acts like one, he gets treated like one"...but i'm not going to babysit him forever...

lance is a good husband...yes, he had his cheating issue, but other than that his only real fault is jealousy...he goes outta his way to make me happy...isn't addicted to anything (not saying that he's better than your hubby newlywed, it's just another flaw that mine doesn't have)...he doesn't beat me, or verbally abuse me...and we talked about jobs last night...he promised that as soon as he raises rank more and gets more years under his belt i can quit working forever if i want so i can focus on my writing...even then, i'll keep my own bank account just in case..
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'to really live you must nearly die'-received from a vietnam vet

 
Old 05-21-2004, 08:20 AM   #13
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SophiaM HB User
Re: anxious

Excalibur, that is awesome! I am so happy for you that you are doing something to improve your life. Nothing worse than being stuck in one undesirable situation for too long. It's understandable that you're anxious about hubby, but try to concentrate on your classes right now. Tackle one thing at a time, and try not to worry about something that might not, and hopefully won't, happen. Tell yourself you're going to have faith in your husband (more faith than in the daschunds ), and only IF something suspicious started happening again, you would start dealing with it THEN. Live in the presesnt for now. Baby steps, you know.. I trust that everything is going to be OK and again, congratulations on doing something to better yourself.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 08:35 AM   #14
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SophiaM HB User
Re: anxious

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
Why thank you Corey! Though Sophia might kick my arse!
It's OK, Newlywed It's all just joking around anyway. I promise I won't kick your arse.

 
Old 05-21-2004, 08:38 AM   #15
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: anxious

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
It's OK, Newlywed It's all just joking around anyway. I promise I won't kick your arse.
Thank you Sophia!

 
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