It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 05-21-2004, 09:28 PM   #1
Inactive
(female)
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 1,537
Dark Stranger HB UserDark Stranger HB UserDark Stranger HB UserDark Stranger HB User
What to do, what to do...

I have an amazing boyfriend and we've been together for a while, and we're both deeply in love. The only problem is this: our dreams for the future juxtapose each other so badly that it's almost funny (in a bad way, of course). The bottom line is that while he wants to get married and have kids, I don't [want to have kids] He wants kids, mainly a son to carry on his name (also he is Joe II, and he wants to try for Joe III).

Now MY bottom line is that I hate kids. I hate them with a passion more fervent than any flame. My patience with kids, especially infants and 2- and 3-year-olds (like when they can run around and grab and swallow stuff and squeeze into small places). I used to not mind kids so much but after having to babysit my youngest cousin who is 3 a few times before, I have lost all patience...and I can forwardly admit that compared to most kids her age, my cousin is very well behaved.

I'm just afraid this issue will tear us to shreds in the future. But I ask this of anyone who reads and replies...what is more childish and immature, not wanting to have kids for any reason or having kids but then neglecting them? I know it seems immature and cruel that I can't commit to this wonderful guy because of this reason, but a child isn't just something you can play with for a couple of hours and then toss into a corner like a toy - they need CONSTANT care, which gets on one's nerves after a while.

Sometimes I think I have gotten in waaaay over my head. Does anyone have any advice I can use in this messy debacle I'm trapped in? But I ask this of you all...if you're going to tell me to leave him then please don't include any input here. I know I love him; he is one in a million and I know if I searched the world over I would never find anyone that comes relatively close to him, and even if I did I would have this feeling deep down that I was betraying him.

Please help me, somebody...


Dark Stranger - doesn't know where to turn

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 05-21-2004, 09:56 PM   #2
Inactive
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Western USA
Posts: 1,774
Ninispjc HB User
Re: What to do, what to do...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dark Stranger
I have an amazing boyfriend and we've been together for a while, and we're both deeply in love. The only problem is this: our dreams for the future juxtapose each other so badly that it's almost funny (in a bad way, of course). The bottom line is that while he wants to get married and have kids, I don't [want to have kids] He wants kids, mainly a son to carry on his name (also he is Joe II, and he wants to try for Joe III).

Now MY bottom line is that I hate kids. I hate them with a passion more fervent than any flame. My patience with kids, especially infants and 2- and 3-year-olds (like when they can run around and grab and swallow stuff and squeeze into small places). I used to not mind kids so much but after having to babysit my youngest cousin who is 3 a few times before, I have lost all patience...and I can forwardly admit that compared to most kids her age, my cousin is very well behaved.

I'm just afraid this issue will tear us to shreds in the future. But I ask this of anyone who reads and replies...what is more childish and immature, not wanting to have kids for any reason or having kids but then neglecting them? I know it seems immature and cruel that I can't commit to this wonderful guy because of this reason, but a child isn't just something you can play with for a couple of hours and then toss into a corner like a toy - they need CONSTANT care, which gets on one's nerves after a while.

Sometimes I think I have gotten in waaaay over my head. Does anyone have any advice I can use in this messy debacle I'm trapped in? But I ask this of you all...if you're going to tell me to leave him then please don't include any input here. I know I love him; he is one in a million and I know if I searched the world over I would never find anyone that comes relatively close to him, and even if I did I would have this feeling deep down that I was betraying him.

Please help me, somebody...


Dark Stranger - doesn't know where to turn
Have you told your guy how you feel about kids? I don't know if I'd use the word "hate" with him right away, but you say you've been with him for a while, but you don't say how long. Have you been talking marriage? Do you live together? It could be it's too soon ot have such a discussion, but if he should say, and it sounds like he already has, something like "wouldn't you love to have a son, or a house full of kids running around?" and you say yes, then you're not being fair. You owe it to him to be honest. Next time he mentions little Joe III, you should say something like "you know, I don't know if I see myself having kids. It's not really something I feel I'd be good at and not something I have a desire to do with my life." And then let the cards fall where they may. And to answer your question, there is nothing in this world not only more childish but more cruel, mean and selfish than to bring a child into this world that you know you don't want and won't love the way every child deserves to be loved. I commend you for being honest enough to admit you don't want children. I read a survey once that said that up to 75% of parents say they regret their decision to have children. And we wonder why so many kids today are so messed up. DON"T EVER deliberately get pregnant if you know you don't want children.

 
Old 05-22-2004, 06:39 AM   #3
Senior Member
(female)
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 158
BrandedPrincess HB User
Re: What to do, what to do...

I had to reply to this post and tell you that you are just like me !!

I hate kids too! I always did. I can't stand them! Before I got married, my boyfriend (now husband) knew how I felt. He wanted kids but I guess I convinced him all to well why I don't want them (or like them) and now he can't stand them either. There is absolutely nothing wrong with not wanting kids. If you had kids to please someone else, not only would you be unhappy, but the child would grow up being unhappy which is not fair to you or the child or your partner. It would be a big mistake and it is not worth it. My mother and my sister keeps on asking me when I am having kids even though they know I hate them. I keep on telling them why I don't want them.
My mother said that my sister told her that I just don't want to ruin my body which is not true. I said why should I ruin my life and everyone elses just to make you happy. As many times as I asked them not to ask me anymore, they still do it. My sister has kids and is in a bad marriage. That is another story.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
What the heck is wrong with me? takenbylovely Open to All Other Health Topics 3 07-20-2011 07:59 PM
What does high RNP antibodies mean? neveragain444 Lupus 9 06-23-2011 05:08 PM
Addison's or hashimoto's or hypothyrodism or lupus or what? jessmariebfly Addison's Disease 5 04-23-2010 03:58 PM
What going on?!?! Oucho Open to All Other Health Topics 1 04-20-2010 05:39 PM
What a shock! lovemyhome Herpes 6 04-20-2010 10:51 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (272), rosequartz (254), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (155), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (96), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1177), MSJayhawk (1004), Apollo123 (903), Titchou (847), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (758), ladybud (753), sammy64 (668), midwest1 (668), BlueSkies14 (610)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:52 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!