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Old 05-22-2004, 07:20 AM   #1
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Mayoya HB User
Exclamation Should u trust people you love blindly?

I am having these negative thoughts about my boyfriend and best friend. I feel like if we go out together more often, my bf would dump me for my best friend. but then i remind myself that if I really love them, i should trust them blindly. But again sometimes attraction happens for no tangible reason. so maybe they d feel there is a spark between them. um SO CONFUSED! Should u trust the people u love blindly? what do u think?

Last edited by Mayoya; 05-22-2004 at 07:21 AM.

 
Old 05-22-2004, 08:28 AM   #2
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayoya
I am having these negative thoughts about my boyfriend and best friend. I feel like if we go out together more often, my bf would dump me for my best friend. but then i remind myself that if I really love them, i should trust them blindly. But again sometimes attraction happens for no tangible reason. so maybe they d feel there is a spark between them. um SO CONFUSED! Should u trust the people u love blindly? what do u think?

You should have trust at all times but if you seeing that they flirt, stare, ect. then you should let your boyfrend know that you feel wierd the way he acts hen he is around her. This should't cause a fight but just let him know that you feel weird about how he acts.

I am not saying that he may or may not have an attraction but I wouldn't allow him to hang out with her aone....Unless they are goof friends themselve.
As you know he hasn't done anything but that shouldn't stop all your worries. Just get it told to him so that he understands and it would be that last thing on your shoulders.

 
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Old 05-22-2004, 09:38 AM   #3
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Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

Thank u soooo much for ur opinion! I really needed someone's opinion about this cause everyone in my circle of friends know my bf and best friend, so i didn't feel comfortable talkin to anyone I know about it...
But I just still wonder, would u personally feel comfortable going out with both your boyfriend and your best friend when u know well that this best friend is very flirtatious and has a lot of ego issues trying to get people's attention?

And...
have u ever had the feeling that you talk to two differnt people seperatly and u feel like they suit each other so much...same opinions, same family background, and almost the same dreams, cause even though my bf and best friend don't know this about each other (i haven't given them the chance to get this personal) but from how well I know them, i feel like they suit each other in a very weird way.....which drives me crazy just thinking about it!
would u still go out with them both with no worries on ur mind?

 
Old 05-22-2004, 10:57 AM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

I over react a lot and worry a lot but in times like this its good to communicate with your boyfriend to let him know how you feel. Going abouts and speculating something is difficult to believe but you need to keep your trust unless you have hard evidence that something is going on. You don't want to push anything that will back him away or thinks that you have no trust for him.

 
Old 05-22-2004, 05:43 PM   #5
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DreaJ HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

If you love your boyfriend, and trust him completley, you should discuss it with him.
If you dont feel like you can be open with him about the relationship and your concerns, that might be more of a concern then your friend.

You should also be able to talk to your friend about it. If shes a true friend you should be able to be open and honest with her.

Trusting them no matter what would be silly. Even if they both care about you, it doesnt mean you shuold trust them 100%. I subscribe to the theroy that NOONE should be trusted 100%.

 
Old 05-22-2004, 08:39 PM   #6
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Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

Never trust them 100%

my ex husband(husband at the time) cheated on me with my best friend while i sat home with his newborn baby....

and now 6 years after the fact they are together. I don't wanna go on and on about this but never trust anyone to have your best interests in mind. Take care of yourself and if you think there's something between the 2 of them you need to make a decision about whether the two of them should have a place in your life.

You didn't say how old you are or how long you and your bf have been together so it's a little hard to know exactly where you stand, but never believe it won't happen to you...cause it happens everyday.
__________________
umm, yeah...

 
Old 05-23-2004, 03:12 AM   #7
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Mayoya HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

Thank you all for ur replies! For those of you who wonder about my age...Me and my boyfriend are 21, my best friend is 22....
Some of u suggested to keep them apart. I have managed to do this for 9 mons, which is how long we have been together in this relationship... but the thought that maybe nothing went wrong between us, the idea that he is still with me not her just because um doing all my effort to keep them apart (i try to stop any chance of them getting to see each other...i never take her out with us), this thought hurts my pride soooo much!
I feel like one of the beautiful things about being with someone is that you know, in ur heart, that you have chosen this person from all the world to share with them the most initmate moments you'd share with anyone, and that this person chose u for the same reason... it was you that they chose becuase they are sure that no one would grant them such hapiness and bliss but you. I have always wanted to have this. I always wanted to have this feeling that even when my boyfriend is surrounded by the most beautiful, smatest, sexiest women in the universe, he would still choose me...he would still want me!
So the fact that I feel like my relationship is what it is now, that me and my boyfriend are as close as we are just because I am keeping him away from my best friend, who may manage to steal his attention and make him forget all about me...it's like a thought that would drive a sane person crazy!

That's why I think about this all the time. should i take them out both of them, and see what happens? if he chooses her, then be it. and if she starts flirting and manages to steal his attention, then to hell with it. but this, too, would hurt my pride. I don't wanna lose my self-trust or distort my self-image. and in the same time I don't wanna lose these people... that's why um put in such a bad situtation.

 
Old 05-23-2004, 04:45 AM   #8
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realguy HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

Tell them in a subtle way.Remember a good boyfriend and especially a best friend will not cross that line in the first place no matter who started the flirting.

 
Old 05-23-2004, 12:23 PM   #9
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Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

NO, you should not trust anybody blindly. Trust them--yes, but also use your judgement and keep your eyes open. That's what I've learned so far.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 06:55 AM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayoya

That's why I think about this all the time. should i take them out both of them, and see what happens? if he chooses her, then be it. and if she starts flirting and manages to steal his attention, then to hell with it. but this, too, would hurt my pride. I don't wanna lose my self-trust or distort my self-image. and in the same time I don't wanna lose these people... that's why um put in such a bad situtation.
This is your BF for 9 months I don't suggest taking them both out and if he chosses her then thats it. If she is a true friend she wouldn;t do that to you. Its not a bad idea to all hang together but you still need to communicate with him so he knows your feelings.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 11:34 PM   #11
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Mayoya HB User
Question Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
This is your BF for 9 months I don't suggest taking them both out and if he chosses her then thats it. If she is a true friend she wouldn;t do that to you. Its not a bad idea to all hang together but you still need to communicate with him so he knows your feelings.
But I did this before, and I felt so left out. and when I try communicate my feelings, I come across as an insecure person (which maybe I am, but at least um working on it...) You know one of the bad things about communicating your feelings with a person, is that when you open up and show ur insecurties, you feel like each time you look at this person again, your insecureties are reflected back on u...That's why counslers exist, i guess. or healthboards on the net, for that matter.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 05:42 AM   #12
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

NO! You should Never trust anyone blindly..Love or Not. It's something that is earned and takes time to develop. Only person you should trust is yourself.
If you uncomfortable with your girlfriend and boyfriend in the same room then don't do it.

Keep your relationship separate, if your feeling insecure about the possiblitiy of your girlfriend flirting with your boyfriend, why put yourself in that position?

If you couldn't swim or were deathly afriad of swimming in the ocean...
Would you?

There is nothing wrong with how your feeling, but why sweat over it? Your young, your still new in your relationship, why can't you enjoy both of them
your girlfriend and your boyfriend on different nights?

 
Old 05-25-2004, 06:33 AM   #13
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mayoya
But I did this before, and I felt so left out. and when I try communicate my feelings, I come across as an insecure person (which maybe I am, but at least um working on it...) You know one of the bad things about communicating your feelings with a person, is that when you open up and show ur insecurties, you feel like each time you look at this person again, your insecureties are reflected back on u...That's why counslers exist, i guess. or healthboards on the net, for that matter.

Yes and this is a feeling that you are having but explain to you boyfriend about your insecurities and how you are trying to work on them but at the same time explain how you feel about the situation.

Its ok to feel the way you do because its human and normal. There is a certain level that is a cap off but you are seeing a counselor and even still seeking more advice. Your BF should understand because its not like you are not doing anything about it.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 07:12 AM   #14
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Mayoya HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
NO! You should Never trust anyone blindly..Love or Not. It's something that is earned and takes time to develop. Only person you should trust is yourself.
If you uncomfortable with your girlfriend and boyfriend in the same room then don't do it.

Keep your relationship separate, if your feeling insecure about the possiblitiy of your girlfriend flirting with your boyfriend, why put yourself in that position?

If you couldn't swim or were deathly afriad of swimming in the ocean...
Would you?

There is nothing wrong with how your feeling, but why sweat over it? Your young, your still new in your relationship, why can't you enjoy both of them
your girlfriend and your boyfriend on different nights?


Thank u girl harley,

Actually, that what I have been doing the last 9 mons. Whenever one of them suggest an outing for the three of us, i d always come up with an excuse.
So basically, they met each other once (the first time the three of us went out together, cause I really wanted to introduce them to each other and I was really looking forward to it). Eveything went wrong on that day. First, i was feeling really bad and sick, which showed on the way I looked, very tired, with my just-got-out-of-bed look. I didn't feel like talking much, was't able to even focus much, cause i was really sick. On the other hand, my best friend was all dressed up, coming with her flirtatious attitude that I JUST HATE. They kept talking for hours together, as if I am not there at all...! she even invited him to her place even though she didn't ask me about my opinion concerning this before she goes ahead with her invitation. My boyfriend too, being in the begining in our relationship at the time and being not aware of the things that would bug me, was really giving her his FULL attention to her.

So after this one time, (and taking into consideration that my best friend never really cared about making me and her boyfriend of 8 years get to know each other...) I never asked her to join us again.

But inside me, I hate that thought that comes from time to time, that he's only with me, cause I am keeping them apart, cause i am stopping their chances to be together. not because he really wants me. i feel like what i have is not true...is not real...is bound to end sooner or later.

I understand that to a big extent, this situation and how it would end or go on depends on my self-confidence. sometimes, i feel like if i trust myself stong enough, i d go out with both of them and not give a damn about the consquences. the thing is, i don't feel like i am strong enough to handle this situation, yet.

i am doing my best trying to achieve the image that would make me become in peace with myself... until then, i guess i have to stay confused....

 
Old 05-25-2004, 07:23 AM   #15
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Should u trust people you love blindly?

I don't understand where your coming from when you say your keeping them apart?


As for the time that you all went out, don't you think your boyfriend was being friendly to your girlfriend because she was your friend? You already said your girlfriend is very friendly and flirtatous so could it have been that particular night, you went aganist your gut feeling that they would enjoy themeselves..BUT...it was because your boyfriend was doing it for you and no other reason?

IF they - your boyfriend & your girlfriend WANTED to get it on - don't you think something would have already happened? I understand where your coming from because when I was your age I too used to feel insecure about my relationships and maybe my boyfriend would like one of my friends or they would sneak behind my back...YES, we all at one time or another have felt as you.

How is your relationship currently with your boyfriend?

 
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