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Old 05-23-2004, 10:39 AM   #1
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They're destroying my life, I'm dying inside, I need help!

My parents divorced when I was two and my dad moved away to be with his current wife. They moved back here last March. I saw my dad on holidays and stayed summers with him while my mom had custody of me. When he moved back, I stayed with him on the weekends and I had a blast. I thought life was great with him so I decided to move in with him.

Things were great at first until I got a car. We had to put it in his name from the dealership because of the circumstances at the time. This was the worst mistake I could have made. He started charging more money for me for my car payments and car insurance (my fault to not know exactly how much to pay him because I trusted him). He was "innocently" taking money from me to support his drug habits.

Everything hit the fan the day that DCFS came in and took my step mom's day care license away because they got caught with marijuana. I've always felt that I couldn't be myself around my dad and his side of the family. My grandpa owns a college and they all carry on "I'm better than everyone attitudes." That's just not me. I was blamed for calling DCFS because they knew when I found out I'd be ashamed of them. After totalling my car they knew they would not get any more money from me so they tried to tell me that since my step mom lost her career I'd have to pay rent. So I moved back in with my mom that night.

I've been with my boyfriend Marcis for a long time. He's my life and I love him to death. When we are both financially ready we plan on getting an apartment together. He always gives me the best advice for what to do in my family situations and when I listen to him, everything works out. When I act sooner than I should, nothing comes out right. He treats me so great and does nothing but love me. I don't want him to feel like he's fighting my family for me either.

My problem is: My dad stole money from me and taught me that "the grass is NOT greener on the other side." My mom goes and does her thing. Since I don't have a car at the moment because I recently totalled mine, my sister and I are stuck at home all day (when I'm not working).

This is doing nothing but destroying my relationship with my boyfriend. I love him to death and he'd do anything for me. I don't know what I would do without him. He makes me so happy and we have a great relationship. My parents are destroying my relationship. I know that they are not trying to do what's in my best interest. My mom is always gone with her boyfriend but she'll do anything to keep me away from mine. My father left me as a baby and used me when I decided to live with him. Should my boyfriend and I move on together and fight this battle like we have been? Or should I let my parents destroy my life?
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Old 05-23-2004, 12:35 PM   #2
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Re: They're destroying my life, I'm dying inside, I need help!

How is it that your mom is keeping you from your boyfriend? Are you saying that it is because you don't have a car? Is that her fault? Does he not have any transportation?

I would agree that you should stay away from your father if he is doing drugs and stealing from you.

You didn't say how old you are but, no I would not advise you to move in with your boyfriend. I would advise you to get as much of an education as you possibly can because you will be so much happier in the future for having gone on to school than you will about moving in and struggling with your boyfriend. If you cannot afford a car how are you to afford rent, utitilites, groceries, etc?

 
Old 05-23-2004, 03:32 PM   #3
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Re: They're destroying my life, I'm dying inside, I need help!

It's the fact that I'm an adult and my boyfriend can't come over when she's not here. But she is never here, she is always out of town at her boyfriend's new house. My mom will say, no you need to do this, this, and this before he comes over but he can't be here when she's not. My boyfriend brings in about $2500 a month and we will both be bringing in more this fall when we start college. In the fall, we will financially be able to afford an apartment and everything else that we need. We're going to college together, he starts this fall and I've already been going full time since my junior year of high school.
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Old 05-23-2004, 10:09 PM   #4
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Re: They're destroying my life, I'm dying inside, I need help!

Quote:
Originally Posted by neener5151
It's the fact that I'm an adult and my boyfriend can't come over when she's not here. But she is never here, she is always out of town at her boyfriend's new house. My mom will say, no you need to do this, this, and this before he comes over but he can't be here when she's not. My boyfriend brings in about $2500 a month and we will both be bringing in more this fall when we start college. In the fall, we will financially be able to afford an apartment and everything else that we need. We're going to college together, he starts this fall and I've already been going full time since my junior year of high school.

I have had this same issue with my daughter.

Sweetie, if the young man loves you, he will wait for you. If he truely cares, he wont pressure you. Whats the rush?

Adult or not, your mother means well.

But should you insist on doing it your way, let me give you the same advice I gave my daughter;

Go live with him. Play house and have a good time. Make it work. Do your ultimate best.

But, please use birth control. Use it for a long time. At least a couple of years.

See how "married life" really is. Make sure you dont ever forget it.

Bringing a child into an already bad arrangement makes you feel like youre trapped and cant leave "because of the children". Children cant make a "relationship stronger".

Remember what it felt like when your father and I divorced. Remember the pain you went through as well as what we went through. Do it for the children. You will survive. The children will be scarred for life.

If it ends and you feel like you are lost and have no one to turn to, Call you mother. Because ultimately, she will always be there for you.



Good Luck.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 06:18 AM   #5
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Re: They're destroying my life, I'm dying inside, I need help!

Sorry to hear about your troubles...

I don't think your parents are destroying your current love relationship.
How your father treated you may effect you and the burden it put you in but you mentioned your boyfriend stood by you. That is called being caring and loving.

The situation with your mother is that you are living in her house and these are her rules. That is just the way it is. Not that helps you. What can help you is since you don't have a car and neither does your sister, why not focus on this? You need to get yourself a new car. Where does your boyfriend live? Why can't you spend time at his place? If your asking permission from us if you should live with your boyfriend, perhaps your not ready for this move? Something must be on your mind for you to be asking?

 
Old 05-24-2004, 06:40 AM   #6
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Re: They're destroying my life, I'm dying inside, I need help!

How in the world are you going to bring in more money as two college students than he is in working now?

As long as you live at home, you are beholding to whoever pays the bills. If you can pay your own bills, then you can move out. It is an age old formula that has always existed and will always exist. The person that pays the bills has the power. If you don't like them having the power, move out and pay your way. It may not be palatable, but it is the way it works.

But I'm with Mrs. Thomas on this one. Please report back to us after a year of living in cohabitation bliss. We will be very interested in how things go.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 11:44 AM   #7
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Re: They're destroying my life, I'm dying inside, I need help!

We are going to college with no tuition because my Grandpa is president of the college that we are both going to. Bonus for us I guess. I'm not asking for permission to move out.

Life isn't so bad, it's just hard. I went 9 months doing whatever I wanted when I wanted and now I'm stuck at home when I could be doing things. I'll get by somehow.
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Old 05-24-2004, 12:04 PM   #8
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Re: They're destroying my life, I'm dying inside, I need help!

Life isn't so bad, it's just hard. I went 9 months doing whatever I wanted when I wanted and now I'm stuck at home when I could be doing things. I'll get by somehow.

That's funny....You are getting FREE college tuiton and you said life is hard.
For 9months you got to do what you wanted at your dad's and looked where Free Fun got you...Your dad used you, tooked your money, DSS was called in at the place you were living and you were blamed for it...

OK, your mom's house has rules...Life has rules too, you will find that in college if you DON'T make the Grade your outta there too..free tuition or not.
When you get a career or job it won't always be fun, it's hard working in order to keep your job these days. Having a place of your own may sound fun but again...Cooking, Cleaning, fixing things that get broken around the house isn't fun either. Welcome to Life and yes, there are good times and bad times...Stay at home till you finish college, let your boyfriend get his own place and visit him.

 
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