another update, i feel wretched
Grrr. I should have known I would be like this. I had postpardum depression with the birth of my last daughter, as well as after a late miscarriage. After this miscarriage, Ive cried so much my nose is peeling. I mean I SOB!!!! I never cry like that. My husband is off work and home this week, and all ive done is bawl. The two year old got sick again, so sleep is not happening. My husband doesnt know what to do with me. Im so devastated by this whole mess. Im usually strong and Ive been reduced to a sniveling blob. It is so hard because I dont have much control over this right now. Alot of it is hormonal, but it just really really hurts. When my husband sees this, and feels helpless, he lashes out at me. And of course, I cry more. And that frustrates him more. I cant wait for him to return to work. I need time by myself to cope. I was told a while back i may have trouble having another baby. I dont think I will try for a 3rd. I cant handle this at all. It is too painful, and it hurts my already shaky marriage to go through this. I understand my husbands plight.He is used to me being strong and I turn away from him. Then he feels angry and rejected. I guess right now Id have to say im at a personal all time low. Im just so sad. I think IM going to go to my doctor. I did the miscarriage at home and i think it would help me to get checked out, to know for sure that the miscarriage is over, and IM ok. I need some closure here. My husband and I are butting heads. I need him to leaveme alone I guess. He is not good at dealing with stuff he cant control. I do realize that in the end, I will be ok. Its hard to tell yourself that when you cry and feel awful. But I always end up alright. After cancer, and all the other stuff, I think I can get through this. Right now I guess I just feel very very down.