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Old 05-23-2004, 11:29 AM   #1
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annebash HB User
another update, i feel wretched

Grrr. I should have known I would be like this. I had postpardum depression with the birth of my last daughter, as well as after a late miscarriage. After this miscarriage, Ive cried so much my nose is peeling. I mean I SOB!!!! I never cry like that. My husband is off work and home this week, and all ive done is bawl. The two year old got sick again, so sleep is not happening. My husband doesnt know what to do with me. Im so devastated by this whole mess. Im usually strong and Ive been reduced to a sniveling blob. It is so hard because I dont have much control over this right now. Alot of it is hormonal, but it just really really hurts. When my husband sees this, and feels helpless, he lashes out at me. And of course, I cry more. And that frustrates him more. I cant wait for him to return to work. I need time by myself to cope. I was told a while back i may have trouble having another baby. I dont think I will try for a 3rd. I cant handle this at all. It is too painful, and it hurts my already shaky marriage to go through this. I understand my husbands plight.He is used to me being strong and I turn away from him. Then he feels angry and rejected. I guess right now Id have to say im at a personal all time low. Im just so sad. I think IM going to go to my doctor. I did the miscarriage at home and i think it would help me to get checked out, to know for sure that the miscarriage is over, and IM ok. I need some closure here. My husband and I are butting heads. I need him to leaveme alone I guess. He is not good at dealing with stuff he cant control. I do realize that in the end, I will be ok. Its hard to tell yourself that when you cry and feel awful. But I always end up alright. After cancer, and all the other stuff, I think I can get through this. Right now I guess I just feel very very down.

 
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Old 05-23-2004, 11:46 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2003
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SophiaM HB User
Re: another update, i feel wretched

Oh, Anne, it must be so hard for you right now. It is hormonal and it's absolutely normal, I've heard most women feel deeply depressed after a miscarriage. Sounds like your husband is not really helpful. Some people have a hard time dealing with someone else's pain. They just don't know what to do. YOu should definitely go see a doctor, just to make sure everything is allright, and maybe he/she could also give you some advice regarding the depression and the hormonal surge. It might also help to talk to a close female friend, if you have one. Getting things off your chest always helps and makes you feel like someone cares. You are a strong woman and you WILL get better. Even if you don't have any more children--that's not the end of the world, you were blessed with two. Be thankful for your two beautiful children and try to tell yourself that this third baby was not meant to be born at this time. Miscarriages usually happen when there's someting wrong with the embryo, so as hard as it is, know that it was for the best. You might also benefit from some grief counseling as well. Take care of yourself.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 06:08 AM   #3
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: another update, i feel wretched

anne,

I know this may not be much of a comfort to you, but my miscarriages are quite common in my family. My mother's philosophy was that God never takes a child away from us. It may not be the right time right now....but that time may come in the future....

Please see if your husband would consider counseling. He needs to learn how not to be so inconsiderate. Anyone who thinks "tough love" is the way to make a woman feel better after a miscarriage needs his head examined anyway!

 
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