i've been with my fiancee for 7 months.
we recently got engaged.
he will be leaving after a little longer than a month to a different country to study there and will be gone for about 4 years.
we really love each other so very much and we want to make this relationship work out somehow.
we are aware of the fact that its going to be extremely difficult and we are realistic enough to know that it might not work out.
however we are willing to try coz we love each other so very much.
we'r planning to get married in the future.
i'm really scared coz we had never been separated before.
but i want to try my best to make it last.
i would greatly appreciate any ideas or tips on how to make such a long distance relationship work out.
plz... any help will be welcome...
thanx a lot
tara
My GF wants to leave year to find work in another town. I love her alot & cannot picture my life without her. I am planning to start my own business but if she leaves, i know in my heart i will follow her. I will be scared of losing her. But yet again, not everyone is the same. What i will do, some people wont. I hope everything works out for you & the both of your'll stay together forever. The first step is that yourll took the first step which is yourll are willing to try.
4 years being away is a long time. You both can stay connected through phone, email, ect. I am sure you or he may visit from time to time but again this will be 4 years.
So you both are engaged....Now, did he does this so that would secure you for those 4 years? I hope not
Now your relationship is going to be tough. Have you though about allowing each other to do somewhat some dating during his leave to avoid any potential cheating or any insecurities about it? This can be done but there will have to be a lot of trust and faith.
well actually we both came up with the idea of engagement.
and the main reason for that is the fact that we feel extremely close to each other and love each other so very much.
but also it would give us sumthing more concrete to hold on to.
dont get me wrong, i know that an engagement cannot guarantee anything.
but we just felt that our relationship is extremely special and an engagment is just a special symbol of the strong feelings that we have for each other.
i did tell him that i dont want to be any sort of obligation and that if he does find sumone i wont cling onto him.
although he keeps reassuring me that nothing like this is going to happen i know that it is very well possible.
personally i have not felt this way about anyone else before... my fiancee just means the whole world to me and i dont know what i would do without him.
i'm so afraid of losing him... i knwo that long distance relationships rarely work out.
and he is going to be in another country. the thought of that really scares me.
each time i think about it i just get so depressed. i really want to make this relationship work out somehow but dont know how possible it is.
tara
i knwo that long distance relationships rarely work out.
It can work out if you allow it to. With situations like these you have to be very patient, trutsting, and open minded. Its good that you both agreed on and he is not securing you for when he come back. This can work but will do if you allow it to.
thanx for the words of encouragement...
if anyone one would be willing to give any tips on how to keep such a long distance relationship going it would be greatly appreciated.
thanx,
tara
Hey..I think that you definitely should give long distance love a shot. Yes, if I had to deal with that, I would be just as concerned as you. However, if your love is strong enough, and you both are at least willing to give it a shot, by all means, do it. Someone once said "One often doesn't have regrets for things they did do, but often for things they did not do" I believe this 100%. Give it a shot, be open and honest with eachother, and always follow your heart.
My boyfriend recently asked me to move out of state with him and I'm going because thats what my heart tells me. Good luck to you and I sincerely hope everything works out for you in the end. Just think of what the reward is if you can sustain the distance for 4 years!!
It won't be easy, but it CAN work, if both of you really love each other like you said you do and are determined to be together. It would also help if you could come up with some kind of a plan for being together in the future. Is it at all possible for you to go with him? Why did he choose to study so far away? Just curious.
Why did he choose to study so far away? Just curious.
Good question...Just to share my friend went to England for music study in producing and he went because he found a really good education at this school over there. He was thinking of going to Pheonix but he figured England would be better education plus he get to liv in another part of the world.
The price tag isn;t low but if you have the money and you are willing to make that life change for some time then go for it...thats what I told him. In his case he didn't have a GF but it was hard for his family. They keep in contact all the time and he fighs down every now and then.
well actually we both came up with the idea of engagement.
and the main reason for that is the fact that we feel extremely close to each other and love each other so very much.
but also it would give us sumthing more concrete to hold on to.
dont get me wrong, i know that an engagement cannot guarantee anything.
but we just felt that our relationship is extremely special and an engagment is just a special symbol of the strong feelings that we have for each other.
i did tell him that i dont want to be any sort of obligation and that if he does find sumone i wont cling onto him.
although he keeps reassuring me that nothing like this is going to happen i know that it is very well possible.
personally i have not felt this way about anyone else before... my fiancee just means the whole world to me and i dont know what i would do without him.
i'm so afraid of losing him... i knwo that long distance relationships rarely work out.
and he is going to be in another country. the thought of that really scares me.
each time i think about it i just get so depressed. i really want to make this relationship work out somehow but dont know how possible it is.
tara
OK...just a thought, but you love the guy enough to committ to marriage with him....why can't you go with him for the four years?
4 years away is a long long time and to be in another country not even a state. 6 months is a long time so you can imagine 4 years.
Engagement is a commitment to marraige, but this will be a long 4 yr engagement. Anyone can make a commitment and say - I'll be back for you, I will marry you, or I will be faithful to you - but you are both human.
Where am I going with this? Either you go with him or you do alot of praying that you both can survive a long distance romance and know that in 4 years you will be a married woman either to this guy or someone else.
Missing him will be a given - lonely lights, your youth if you going to just sit around and miss him for 4 years and wonder what he's doing. This is alot for you and him to bear - I can't tell you any happy stories on long distance relationships. I'm sure they are out there. I remember I was seeing this great guy who had to move out of the country for a job and we had no clue how long he was gone - I went out to see him a few times but going back home tore me apart not to mention the lonely nights. I had lots of friends and I was out having my fun but always went home alone and cried myself to sleep because I missed him so much. Yeah, keeping busy helps for a short time if you know he'll be back in a few months...But 4 years?
Tough one to say and I can't help you on this one but wish you the best and hope it works out for you then it did for me.
This is a long time but it can be gone. Like I said alot of faith and trust will need to be involved here. If she stay behind and really is commitited I may still offer a break just in case. A break will ensure no hearts may be broken if you or him find a play mate or hang out person during that time frame. If the love is as strong as you say it is you have nothing to worry and that will be end of that chapter in you book and you both will be happly ever after.
hello...
thanx a lot for all the replies
well a bit of an explanation on my part-
we'r both only 19... we still live with our parents.
although my parents do accept and respect the relationship, going away for 4 years to a different country is a totally different matter for them.
therefore i'm not exactly in the position to decide for myself yet since my parents are providing for me and i go to college.
its kind of the same for him. that university offers the best options for him and since he's got family there its convenient for him to go.
this makes this situation all the more hard.
plz just dont judge on the fact that we are both 19... we truly love each other and yes i do know what it means to be 'enaged" and we are planning to get married later on (if we manage to last through those years).
tara
Tara May - I'm not judging you and I'm sure the other board memebers are not because of your age - That's why we can at least tell you as you did ask for help with anyone who may have experienced long distance relationships.
We are older some more then others
It's going to be tough - I'm sure your also taking your engagement seriously and why wouldn't you..
Long Distance can be an hour away, 4 hours away, or a county away -
Whatever the distance is - it's still tough - what's worst for you is your boyfriend plans a 4 year College Education out of the Country. Your age is ON YOUR SIDE, because you are entering college too if not already and well...
That you will either know on your own or find out - The temptations, the friends, the parties, even if you don't do any of these or promise you won't the loneliness alone being apart from the man you love - It's take a Strong, person to make this kind of commitment and even if you can't or lose the will you are not Weak - It's just a Very Very tough situation and only time will tell.
You can always look at it this way too - Enjoy your life make something out of yourself and know that you have a man you love and who loves you back in another country and you will be waiting for him on his return.
I ain't judging that you 19 because I am only 22. Its great that you found someone to love and care for enough for marraige. Relationships are nothing more than a long rolercoaster...They have up & downs. This is on huge down side to the relationship but it could go if you both keep the faith together and destiny will bring it all together. I sure hope you keep us updated on any feeling or questions in the upcoming future.
Is he playing to come visit on any breaks? & or are you planning too?
hello...
once again would like to thank a lot for the words of encouragement and advice.
well yes he's going to be coming down during the winter breaks, but that will only be like for 2 weeks
i'm just worried about how we'r going to keep in touch. i mean i dont want to meet a complete stranger after those 4 years or find that i have nothing to go back to.
that's what worries me the most
if anyone else is willing to give any opinions or tips they'd be greatly appreciated.
tara
one more thing...
the reason i asked u guys not to judge on the fact that we'r 19 is coz it is often thought that a serious relationship can only be established between 2 mature adults (by this i mean ppl in their mid 20's and so on) and that everything that comes before that is just a casual fling.
that's why i wanted to stress on the fact that it is different in our case.
we've been through a lot together and we are completely devoted to each other.
thanx for listening...
tara
Oh no you don’t Tara May! You are not getting away that easy with me.
I am going to judge you for your age. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t doubt your sincerity and the love you have for this guy but you are putting a big part of your life (4 years!) on hold with no guarantee that things will be the same after that time. Trust me on this. I joined the Navy at 18, right after high school and 4 years later, I was amazed at how people had changed over that time. I am talking about kids that were on their own for the first time in their lives with the freedom to live life that way they wanted to live. Well, as close to what the law allowed anyways. Everyone just grew up and matured in that 4 year period of time. When I left the service and went back home, I noticed the same thing with my friends from high school and friends from the old neighborhood. They had all changed. Some of them even scared me!
You are already aware that he may be a different person 4 years from now when he (if he) returns to resume your relationship together. You realize that it may not work out in the end. You also stated that if he finds someone else, you won’t cling to him. You understand this very well. That makes you very mature and responsible for you age, so you should understand that I am not criticizing you for whatever decision you eventually make.
I am not passing judgement on your feelings for him, but you are still just 19. I am judging you on your decision to give up the opportunity to live life or part of it, over the next four years waiting for something or someone that may or may not happen. Your decision is not a wrong decision whatever you decide, but at 19 years of age, you really haven’t lived yet, especially, if you still live with your parents. My advice would be for the both of you to have an understanding, an agreement with each other to be free to date others and see what happens over the next 4 years with no guarantees.
Just stop and think about all this for a minute. One could say, he really loves you and cares for you just as much as you do him, but no matter how true that may be, he still is putting his education in front of his feelings for you and your feelings for him. There is nothing wrong with that, but you should really do the same.
I encourage you to concentrate on your own education and your own life over the next four years and encourage him to do the same. There is nothing selfish about that. Four years from now, if you still feel the same about each other, continue or pick up where you left off and your relationship will be that much stronger.
I hope everything works out for great for you in the end.
hey hoop...
i greatly appreciate ur opinion and point of view.
well as i have said before we are engaged... if we were to date others freely there would be no significance to our engagement.
therefore as i said.... if he does happen to find sumone i wont cling onto him..
but at the same time i'd like him to be honest with me and tell me about it.
yes i know that ppl change, esp. at this age. 19 and 23 is a huge difference at this point and that's what i'm most scared of...
finding nothing to go back to after those 4 years because of such changes.
i'm not planning to remain miserable for those years but i do intend on being faithful.
i believe that we have sumthing extremely special - we are close physically as well as emotionally which is the most important - and i wouldnt want to lose that.
i knwo and i'm aware of the fact that education is extremely important at this stage, without it we wont be able to provide for our future.
but we had already planned ahead - we intend on getting married if we can last, live together and have a family.
at the moment i'm just praying that this works out.
tara
long distance relationship - plz help 
