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Old 05-24-2004, 07:06 AM   #1
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tara_may HB User
Unhappy long distance relationship - plz help

i've been with my fiancee for 7 months.
we recently got engaged.
he will be leaving after a little longer than a month to a different country to study there and will be gone for about 4 years.
we really love each other so very much and we want to make this relationship work out somehow.
we are aware of the fact that its going to be extremely difficult and we are realistic enough to know that it might not work out.
however we are willing to try coz we love each other so very much.
we'r planning to get married in the future.
i'm really scared coz we had never been separated before.
but i want to try my best to make it last.
i would greatly appreciate any ideas or tips on how to make such a long distance relationship work out.
plz... any help will be welcome...
thanx a lot
tara

 
Old 05-24-2004, 09:08 AM   #2
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tara_may HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

anyone ???

 
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Old 05-24-2004, 09:36 AM   #3
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minded HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

My GF wants to leave year to find work in another town. I love her alot & cannot picture my life without her. I am planning to start my own business but if she leaves, i know in my heart i will follow her. I will be scared of losing her. But yet again, not everyone is the same. What i will do, some people wont. I hope everything works out for you & the both of your'll stay together forever. The first step is that yourll took the first step which is yourll are willing to try.

All the best!
(",)

 
Old 05-24-2004, 10:19 AM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

4 years being away is a long time. You both can stay connected through phone, email, ect. I am sure you or he may visit from time to time but again this will be 4 years.

So you both are engaged....Now, did he does this so that would secure you for those 4 years? I hope not

Now your relationship is going to be tough. Have you though about allowing each other to do somewhat some dating during his leave to avoid any potential cheating or any insecurities about it? This can be done but there will have to be a lot of trust and faith.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 10:39 AM   #5
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tara_may HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

well actually we both came up with the idea of engagement.
and the main reason for that is the fact that we feel extremely close to each other and love each other so very much.
but also it would give us sumthing more concrete to hold on to.
dont get me wrong, i know that an engagement cannot guarantee anything.
but we just felt that our relationship is extremely special and an engagment is just a special symbol of the strong feelings that we have for each other.
i did tell him that i dont want to be any sort of obligation and that if he does find sumone i wont cling onto him.
although he keeps reassuring me that nothing like this is going to happen i know that it is very well possible.
personally i have not felt this way about anyone else before... my fiancee just means the whole world to me and i dont know what i would do without him.
i'm so afraid of losing him... i knwo that long distance relationships rarely work out.
and he is going to be in another country. the thought of that really scares me.
each time i think about it i just get so depressed. i really want to make this relationship work out somehow but dont know how possible it is.
tara

 
Old 05-24-2004, 11:00 AM   #6
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eightball61 HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

Quote:
Originally Posted by tara_may
i knwo that long distance relationships rarely work out.

It can work out if you allow it to. With situations like these you have to be very patient, trutsting, and open minded. Its good that you both agreed on and he is not securing you for when he come back. This can work but will do if you allow it to.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 03:24 AM   #7
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tara_may HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

thanx for the words of encouragement...
if anyone one would be willing to give any tips on how to keep such a long distance relationship going it would be greatly appreciated.
thanx,
tara

 
Old 05-28-2004, 08:07 AM   #8
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Re: long distance relationship - plz help

Hey..I think that you definitely should give long distance love a shot. Yes, if I had to deal with that, I would be just as concerned as you. However, if your love is strong enough, and you both are at least willing to give it a shot, by all means, do it. Someone once said "One often doesn't have regrets for things they did do, but often for things they did not do" I believe this 100%. Give it a shot, be open and honest with eachother, and always follow your heart.

My boyfriend recently asked me to move out of state with him and I'm going because thats what my heart tells me. Good luck to you and I sincerely hope everything works out for you in the end. Just think of what the reward is if you can sustain the distance for 4 years!!

 
Old 05-28-2004, 08:45 AM   #9
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SophiaM HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

It won't be easy, but it CAN work, if both of you really love each other like you said you do and are determined to be together. It would also help if you could come up with some kind of a plan for being together in the future. Is it at all possible for you to go with him? Why did he choose to study so far away? Just curious.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 08:53 AM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Why did he choose to study so far away? Just curious.

Good question...Just to share my friend went to England for music study in producing and he went because he found a really good education at this school over there. He was thinking of going to Pheonix but he figured England would be better education plus he get to liv in another part of the world.

The price tag isn;t low but if you have the money and you are willing to make that life change for some time then go for it...thats what I told him. In his case he didn't have a GF but it was hard for his family. They keep in contact all the time and he fighs down every now and then.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 08:58 AM   #11
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

Quote:
Originally Posted by tara_may
well actually we both came up with the idea of engagement.
and the main reason for that is the fact that we feel extremely close to each other and love each other so very much.
but also it would give us sumthing more concrete to hold on to.
dont get me wrong, i know that an engagement cannot guarantee anything.
but we just felt that our relationship is extremely special and an engagment is just a special symbol of the strong feelings that we have for each other.
i did tell him that i dont want to be any sort of obligation and that if he does find sumone i wont cling onto him.
although he keeps reassuring me that nothing like this is going to happen i know that it is very well possible.
personally i have not felt this way about anyone else before... my fiancee just means the whole world to me and i dont know what i would do without him.
i'm so afraid of losing him... i knwo that long distance relationships rarely work out.
and he is going to be in another country. the thought of that really scares me.
each time i think about it i just get so depressed. i really want to make this relationship work out somehow but dont know how possible it is.
tara

OK...just a thought, but you love the guy enough to committ to marriage with him....why can't you go with him for the four years?

 
Old 05-28-2004, 09:15 AM   #12
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

4 years away is a long long time and to be in another country not even a state. 6 months is a long time so you can imagine 4 years.

Engagement is a commitment to marraige, but this will be a long 4 yr engagement. Anyone can make a commitment and say - I'll be back for you, I will marry you, or I will be faithful to you - but you are both human.

Where am I going with this? Either you go with him or you do alot of praying that you both can survive a long distance romance and know that in 4 years you will be a married woman either to this guy or someone else.

Missing him will be a given - lonely lights, your youth if you going to just sit around and miss him for 4 years and wonder what he's doing. This is alot for you and him to bear - I can't tell you any happy stories on long distance relationships. I'm sure they are out there. I remember I was seeing this great guy who had to move out of the country for a job and we had no clue how long he was gone - I went out to see him a few times but going back home tore me apart not to mention the lonely nights. I had lots of friends and I was out having my fun but always went home alone and cried myself to sleep because I missed him so much. Yeah, keeping busy helps for a short time if you know he'll be back in a few months...But 4 years?
Tough one to say and I can't help you on this one but wish you the best and hope it works out for you then it did for me.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 09:36 AM   #13
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eightball61 HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

This is a long time but it can be gone. Like I said alot of faith and trust will need to be involved here. If she stay behind and really is commitited I may still offer a break just in case. A break will ensure no hearts may be broken if you or him find a play mate or hang out person during that time frame. If the love is as strong as you say it is you have nothing to worry and that will be end of that chapter in you book and you both will be happly ever after.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 12:59 PM   #14
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tara_may HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

hello...
thanx a lot for all the replies
well a bit of an explanation on my part-
we'r both only 19... we still live with our parents.
although my parents do accept and respect the relationship, going away for 4 years to a different country is a totally different matter for them.
therefore i'm not exactly in the position to decide for myself yet since my parents are providing for me and i go to college.
its kind of the same for him. that university offers the best options for him and since he's got family there its convenient for him to go.
this makes this situation all the more hard.
plz just dont judge on the fact that we are both 19... we truly love each other and yes i do know what it means to be 'enaged" and we are planning to get married later on (if we manage to last through those years).
tara

 
Old 05-28-2004, 01:12 PM   #15
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: long distance relationship - plz help

Tara May - I'm not judging you and I'm sure the other board memebers are not because of your age - That's why we can at least tell you as you did ask for help with anyone who may have experienced long distance relationships.
We are older some more then others

It's going to be tough - I'm sure your also taking your engagement seriously and why wouldn't you..

Long Distance can be an hour away, 4 hours away, or a county away -
Whatever the distance is - it's still tough - what's worst for you is your boyfriend plans a 4 year College Education out of the Country. Your age is ON YOUR SIDE, because you are entering college too if not already and well...
That you will either know on your own or find out - The temptations, the friends, the parties, even if you don't do any of these or promise you won't the loneliness alone being apart from the man you love - It's take a Strong, person to make this kind of commitment and even if you can't or lose the will you are not Weak - It's just a Very Very tough situation and only time will tell.


You can always look at it this way too - Enjoy your life make something out of yourself and know that you have a man you love and who loves you back in another country and you will be waiting for him on his return.

 
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