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Old 05-24-2004, 11:57 AM   #1
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eightball61 HB User
Monkey in the Middle

I havn't talk to my bestfriend in over a week because he called my GF a sl*t. He came back from college and wants me to hang with him every night to try to pick women up and get drunk.

I have always made time for him to hang out. This will be his first summer single and this is my first taken for a few years. For the last 2 summers he was in a long term relationship and always left me to go hang with his GF. It was not a biggie since we would only hang for a few hours every know and then. As a friend I forgave him and let him do his thing because he was happy at the time. But 9 months ago they broke up. He wants me to break up with my GF (8 months) just to be with him.

He is my friend but I am not going to break up with him just to please his jealous appitite. I did not call him for a week because he called her a sl*tand I told him that I wouldn't until he apologized.

On Saturday he calls me at 1:30 am drunk asking me why I never called. Again I stated my case and he said he won't say sorry because he doesn't agree with us dating. Now my mom and her mom both dont like the age differences but see us as a great couple because of the things we share in interest. He is making it look like its the age thing but I am saying its more of a jealousy thing than anything else because he really doesn't have any other friends.

I told him saturday that I will always be there but he has to say sorry and change his attitude. Even if it had to do with the age I don't mind that he voiced his opinion but he doesn't have to continue his a-hole ways.

I am there for him but he has to do his end of being a friend by saying sorry.

My question is am I doing the right thing?

Last edited by eightball61; 05-24-2004 at 12:44 PM.

 
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Old 05-24-2004, 12:41 PM   #2
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Sounds like a great friend.....

Lets see if I understand this....when he has a g/f, you are supposed to drop what you are doing to be able to hang out with him at his convenience and not hassle him about hanging out otherwise. When YOU have a g/f, you are still supposed to drop whatever you are doing to hang out with him at his convenience. Not to mention the guy is inconsiderate, disrespectful, and obviously selfish. So why are you two friends again??? I don't get it. I'm sorry, but anyone who is disrespectful to the people who are important to me does not deserve to be a part of my life. He is acting like a jealous boyfriend. Maybe he is a little "sweet?"

 
Old 05-24-2004, 12:44 PM   #3
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
I havn't talk to my bestfriend in over a week because he called my GF a sl*t. He came back from college and wants me to hang with him every night to try to pick women up and get drunk.

I have always made time for him to hang out. This will be his first summer single and this is my first taken for a few years. For the last 2 summers he was in a long term relationship and always left me to go hang with his GF. It was not a biggie since we would only hang for a few hours every know and then. As a friend I forgave him and let him do his thing because he was happy at the time. But 9 months ago they broke up. He wants me to break up with my GF (8 months) just to be with him.

Now he is my but I am not going to break up with him just to please his jealous appitite. I did not call him for a week because he called her a sl*t and I told him that I wouldn't until he apologized.

On Saturday he calls me at 1:30 am drunk asking me why I never called. Again I stated my case and he said he won't say sorry because he doesn't agree with us dating. Now my mom and her mom both dont like the age differences but see us as a great couple because of the things we share in interest. He is making it look like its the age thing but I am saying its more of a jealousy thing than anything else because he really doesn't have any other friends.

I told him saturday that I will always be there but he has to say sorry and change his attitude. Even if it had to do with the age I don't mind that he voiced his opinion but he doesn't have to continue his a-hole ways.

I am there for him but he has to do his end of being a friend by saying sorry.

My question is am I doing the right thing?
If I remember correctly you are about 22, 23 years old, yes? I think it may be fairly common for guys in your age group to want to hang with their buddies and not want them tied down to one girl. BUT...I've run into this problem before, being the girlfriend and my boyfriend having a friend who wished I wasn't around. This friend ended up coming between me and my boyfriend and I still blame him at least partially for our break up. I think you absolutely did the right thing and I pat you on the back for it. He wants it to still be the two of you and he sees her as an intrusion, but he needs to grow up and realize that you two are a couple. When you are in a serious relationship, it needs to be a priority. He nees to understand that your girlfriend comes first. I'm not saying he should settle for just being your friend when you're bored or have nothing better to do, a friendship needs to be nurtured as well, and good friend will nurture it, but he needs to respect your lady. Unless he can prove that she's cheating on you or something, he was wwwaaaaaayyyy out of line calling her that. You love her and if she makes you happy, then a good friend will be happy for you. He's being selfish and is jeapardizing your relationship in his attempt to get his drinking buddy back. Stand your ground and be open to a friendship with him, but make it clear that you will not allow him to make you choose between him and your girl.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 12:59 PM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
Sounds like a great friend.....

Lets see if I understand this....when he has a g/f, you are supposed to drop what you are doing to be able to hang out with him at his convenience and not hassle him about hanging out otherwise. When YOU have a g/f, you are still supposed to drop whatever you are doing to hang out with him at his convenience. Not to mention the guy is inconsiderate, disrespectful, and obviously selfish. So why are you two friends again??? I don't get it. I'm sorry, but anyone who is disrespectful to the people who are important to me does not deserve to be a part of my life. He is acting like a jealous boyfriend. Maybe he is a little "sweet?"

Hey NWG

Thanks for the reply...How are thing going this week?

Anyways, I am not calling him a friend at this point until he shows that he can be a friend. He is being very selfish and disrespectful. Thats what friends are not for. Last year me and him got into a different kind of fight because of him being an a** and I told him that one day I am just going to give up and I won't be there for him anymore. He was great for a while then started back up again. Well this time is done and I hope he sees that what he done

I have spoken to my GF about the situation and she agrees that he isn't being a friend. She doesn't like him to begin with because he is always an a** around her.

I just feel wierd because we were friends for so long and I am wondering if what I did was right. They say friends before girlfriends but I don't agree with this situation.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 01:08 PM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninispjc
Stand your ground and be open to a friendship with him, but make it clear that you will not allow him to make you choose between him and your girl.
Thanks Ninispjc,

I am planning to stand my ground because he went way over board. One of my other personal problems is that I am easily persuaded. What I am trying to say is if I continue talk with him on the phone he will make me feel back then eventually give in.

Now when he called me 1:30 I stood my ground for the first time which felt really great. He told me to call him on sunday to hang or talk but I never did. Before we hung up I told I won't until he says sorry. I will miss him as a friend in a way because we had good times together but I don't want to be around someone that has that much negativity.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 01:12 PM   #6
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Quote:
Hey NWG

Thanks for the reply...How are thing going this week?
Hey Jeff....
Things are a bit better this week. Still an absolute mess with this car thing. Lots of legalities...have had to hire an attorney.


Quote:
They say friends before girlfriends but I don't agree with this situation.
Who says this??? No one with a steady boyfriend/girlfriend. The thing is, REAL friends are supportive, encouraging, respectful, and considerate. He is none of these things. My best friend in high school and college saw me go through several boyfriends. Never once criticized me. Always supportive. If I hared him, she hated him. If I loved him, she supported me. I could have dyed my hair purple and decided to be a Muslim & she would have put an "I-Love-Purple-Haired-Muslims" bumper sticker on her car! lol THAT is what friendship is all about.

 
Old 05-24-2004, 01:30 PM   #7
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
Hey Jeff....
Things are a bit better this week. Still an absolute mess with this car thing. Lots of legalities...have had to hire an attorney.
Well I hope things work out for the best and I will be keeping you in my preyers


Quote:
Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
Who says this??? No one with a steady boyfriend/girlfriend. The thing is, REAL friends are supportive, encouraging, respectful, and considerate. He is none of these things. My best friend in high school and college saw me go through several boyfriends. Never once criticized me. Always supportive. If I hared him, she hated him. If I loved him, she supported me. I could have dyed my hair purple and decided to be a Muslim & she would have put an "I-Love-Purple-Haired-Muslims" bumper sticker on her car! lol THAT is what friendship is all about.

I hear the term a lot in maine used "friends should come before GF's " another words those that were they for should be listen to and come first. Now I agree somewhat with that but when it comes time of disrespect and always critizing me to make him feel better then he's got another thing coming.

A friend may not be supportive with all of our decisions but the still should remain the level of respect. I accept that he voiced his opinion and looking out for me in some ways but I told him to stop the disrespecting and he didn't

 
Old 05-24-2004, 01:46 PM   #8
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Hi Jeff - just popped in and wanted to reply - can't stay on long (computer)
my son is home (his computer)

1st not only did your friend Disrespect you but Your girlfriend too. I know your not a fighter and I'm not saying that is what you should do....But, guy friends don't go around calling their male friend's girlfriend a ****. Your girlfriend is not one am I correct? Regardless of your friend being jealous of your time spent with your girfriend "HE" was totally out of line and I would not consider him a friend.

So the guy is all alone, your not, he's got no life, you have a life, but wants to bring you down. And you call this your friend? As, Newlywedgurl said - friends are supportive for YOU, should be Happy for YOU, be there For YOU,
if his beef with you is because you are unavailable for him, then that is where his conversation should have been..Not blaming your girlfriend...

Your too mature for him and tell him so along with you have moved on in your life where YOU HAVE ONE...

BTW, Did you say you live in Maine?

 
Old 05-24-2004, 02:10 PM   #9
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
Your girlfriend is not one am I correct?
No she is not but I would still love her either way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
So the guy is all alone, your not, he's got no life, you have a life, but wants to bring you down. And you call this your friend?
I don't call him a friend anymore because friends are not like this. Do you think I should try toi work the friendship out if he finally realizes and says sorry to the both of us?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley


BTW, Did you say you live in Maine?
I do...I live just south of portland and I know you live in NH right?

 
Old 05-24-2004, 02:21 PM   #10
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
No she is not but I would still love her either way.


I don't call him a friend anymore because friends are not like this. Do you think I should try toi work the friendship out if he finally realizes and says sorry to the both of us?



I do...I live just south of portland and I know you live in NH right?
I want to know if you know Howie Day!!!

 
Old 05-24-2004, 02:28 PM   #11
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Quote:
Originally Posted by newlywedgurl
I want to know if you know Howie Day!!!

Personally I don't but I know he is a musician and performs in portland at the State Theater sometimes...Want me to hook you up lol

 
Old 05-24-2004, 03:26 PM   #12
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

my god,....we are practically neigbors... Too Funny...Nice weather we are having.

As far as If your friend apolizes to you and your girlfriend...Tough call. How important is his friendship to you. As we get older some of our childhood or high school friendships lose it's course. Our lives go in different directions and what you once shared is lost with maturity. I feel this guy was out of line, you did the right thing, don't call him and if he calls you again when he's not drunk - let him do the talking and see how you feel at that moment.


 
Old 05-24-2004, 03:39 PM   #13
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Monkey in the Middle

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
my god,....we are practically neigbors... Too Funny...Nice weather we are having.

As far as If your friend apolizes to you and your girlfriend...Tough call. How important is his friendship to you. As we get older some of our childhood or high school friendships lose it's course. Our lives go in different directions and what you once shared is lost with maturity. I feel this guy was out of line, you did the right thing, don't call him and if he calls you again when he's not drunk - let him do the talking and see how you feel at that moment.


I like this cold May weather


I know friends split and thats why he is the last of them and was the closet. I am going to wait for his call. I always gave into him because I felt bad but I am not this time.
Thanks GH

 
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