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Old 05-25-2004, 02:39 PM   #1
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ct5678 HB User
Am I wrong to be mad here?

My fiancé and I are living with her parents for a few months while we look for a place to live. We have been here 2-3 months. They invited us and they begged us to come and stay.

My fiancé was unemployed for a few weeks and she just started a new job last week, before that she worked 35 hours a week. I work 45-60 hours a week but I work at home.

Today she had a talk with her mom, her mom said that they did not feel I was pulling my weight around the house. So my fiancé approaches me and says "My parents feel that you’re not pulling your weight and I agree with them".

I was livid when she told me this. I work 45-60 hours a week, I always clean up after myself, I take out the trash. I take care of her dogs ALL day while she is at work. This is not a small job, as the dogs are a major pain in the ***. She said that I was suppose to be impressing her parents and that I shouldn't have to be told to mow the lawn and that I should know enough to just do it. My car is in the garage so I should sweep out the garage.

Ok now I see that we are living here rent free, and I could offer to mow the lawn once in awhile. I just think the way she approached this it was like playing her and her parents against me. I would have NEVER told her that my parents said something like that. I would of tried to get the message across to her without making it weird between her parents and me. I am just so mad at this whole situation. It would be one thing if before we moved in she was like, my parents are going to want you to mow the lawn or vacuum the carpets once in awhile.

Do I have a right to be mad?

 
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Old 05-25-2004, 03:06 PM   #2
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

Perfect example why newdlywed couples should NEVER live with the in-laws. It is their house and you're living there rent-free. They can tell you whatever they want, it's their house. Now, of course you are annoyed, I would be too, but there's not much you can do other than save enough money to move out and get your own place with your fiance. Right now you're both at the mercy of her parents--not the ideal situation for a young adult couple to be in. Until you move, I would try to be civilized towards her parents, you don't want to alienate your future family. I suspect the problem will solve itself once you and your fiance get your own place.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 03:09 PM   #3
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

YES,,,You have a right to be mad - but the price to pay to live free with your future in laws...Suck it up, mow the lawn, kiss some behind, work it baby and get out of the in laws house or THEY will have you reconcider marrying their daughter.

Well, at least you get a picture of what your marrying into, who's side your wife's will be taking...

SO, if you want to live there free and keep your sanity, hold your pride, tell your girlfriend and her parents it was an oversight on your part and going forward ask them what chores you are expected to do or would like a list of chores expected of you...

GOOD luck...

Last edited by GirlHarley; 05-25-2004 at 03:11 PM.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 03:10 PM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

I believe yo have a case here:

For one her mother should have came to the both of you if she had an issue. My question is " what is the history with you and her parents? Do you get along well?

You have to accept that thier little girl is back under thier roof. Inlaws can be like preditors and they will hunt you down for every little thing that you do wrong. They only want the best for their child. Don't think I am knocking you but its the truth.

You see like the good american male where they work those hours, do a little around house, and still help out in anyway. I am sure that you are telling the truth when you do all this stuff and I dont' understand why they think this ways besides there little girl.

Ohhh another thing is you said you work from home. Now if you are home/thier house all those hours and even when you are not working they will think that. They have to understand that this is the year 2004 and more people have offices at home. It doesn't mean you can moe the lawn at any time or drop pen to go for a swin on a hot day. You still have to put in the 100% like you would at work.

I don't know much to add but I don't think you are in the wrong. You need to explain this to your wife....Maybe the Family can Job Shadow..lol

 
Old 05-25-2004, 03:12 PM   #5
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ct5678 HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

I totaly understand that we are under her parents roof and I will do whatever they tell me. If they want me to mow the lawn every day so be it. I'm more mad at the fact that she brought it up the way she did, and the way she delt with it.

I have always gotten along perfect with her parnts. We go out for drinks and stuff, never had any problems.

Last edited by ct5678; 05-25-2004 at 03:15 PM.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 03:19 PM   #6
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ct5678
I totaly understand that we are under her parents roof and I will do whatever they tell me. If they want me to mow the lawn every day so be it. I'm more mad at the fact that she brought it up the way she did, and the way she delt with it.

I have always gotten along perfect with her parnts. We go out for drinks and stuff, never had any problems.
But hon, you never lived with them either. OK, chalk this up to a lesson learned. Your girlfriend was wrong, yes I agree..Ask her what is eating her?
Was her mom rude to her too and she got upset and tooked it out on you?
Don't wait to be asked to do something...You wanna look good? Then YOU either take it upon yourself and help the parents w/their house, or ask them if anything is needed. That is your options...

 
Old 05-25-2004, 03:26 PM   #7
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ct5678 HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

I'm going to tell her that I want to talk to her parents.

I want them to know that if they have a problem with me to come to me and not have it go through her. Its only going to cause problems.

I'm sure my fiance will not enjoy that as her parents will probably be mortified that she told me in the first place.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 03:29 PM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
SO, if you want to live there free and keep your sanity, hold your pride, tell your girlfriend and her parents it was an oversight on your part and going forward ask them what chores you are expected to do or would like a list of chores expected of you...
But harley, he has offered to mow the lawn and does do the trash. I know these may seem little but when you are trying to inpress a family these are huge things. What is he suppose to do paint and roof the house....Let be realistic.

Its good to kiss butt because I do it all the time but it not like he is a beer drinking bum.

Last edited by eightball61; 05-25-2004 at 03:31 PM.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 03:34 PM   #9
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ct5678 HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

My fiance just called and is acting like nothing happened. (THis happened like 5 minutes before she went to work this morning).

I am not going to get into it with her on the phone but ... I would expect her to atleast say she was sorry or that we needed to clear the air.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 03:45 PM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ct5678
My fiance just called and is acting like nothing happened. (THis happened like 5 minutes before she went to work this morning).

I am not going to get into it with her on the phone but ... I would expect her to atleast say she was sorry or that we needed to clear the air.
You need to calm yourself and have a nice settle talk face to face when you are both home or together.

 
Old 05-25-2004, 06:16 PM   #11
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Eliot HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

Hello!

I feel your pain. My in-laws are friendly enough, we get along great, i swear, but after so much as a two-day in-house visit, they're ready to kick me and my disruptive kids to the curb. That's part of the in-law tradition. Get out of there! Even if you move into a trailer, you'll be happer.

one other question/devil's advocate

How is the at home job working out? What's it involve?

I have a couple friends that work at home, one of them sells nascar stuff on ebay. He works like 80 hours a week, and after expenses he pulls in like $200 a week. The other is following one of those pyramid schemes, buying webspace from someone and selling it to someone else. I don't think he's made anything.
In all fairness, a lot of people have great at-home jobs that pay well and have benefits and all that lovely stuff.

If you're stuck in one of the other kinds, though, you might want to explore a new career, where you'll probably work far less and make more, as well as being able to move the heck out of there. (you'll love it, I promise.)

Eliot

 
Old 05-25-2004, 06:22 PM   #12
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Foo723 HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

you are not wrong to be mad.

while their request may be reasonable, the method of delivery lacked tact and grace. i would like to pay you the complement of being blunt and assume you are well mannered and possess good breeding.

first, you work and earn money. the older generation doesnt understand the new "work at home" philosopy which is not only becoming popular but has personal rewarding benefits.

if i were you, or i were me, i would be planning to get the heck out of dodge as soon as possible. while i do not prefer to live in a trailer, (no offense to anyone who does, and i have lived in one for about 2 years, just too cold for me, hehe), i would get the first place i could find in a decent neighborhood and get out. make plans now.

second, since money usually changes everyone, offer to pay rent and to kick in for the food bill. actually, it would be no different than if you went and rented an office for your work. surely, your office landlord would have requirements on how he would want certain things done around the office building that he owns and you rent.

third, request that all chores be posted on the refrigerator, and just check them off as they are done.

fourth, dont get into a discussion with the parents about it. since it is future family related, it is a delicate situation. dont make the situation any more tense than it already is, just fix it.

fifth, go back and read the first plan. i just have a feeling that things are not going to get any better. there is nothing like having your own place.

by the way, who fed the dogs, mowed the lawn and all that other stuff before you moved in?

 
Old 05-25-2004, 06:51 PM   #13
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Am I wrong to be mad here?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Foo723

by the way, who fed the dogs, mowed the lawn and all that other stuff before you moved in?

This is all true and like I said you have done your share. You don't need to paint thier house but the little things should count.

 
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