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Old 05-26-2004, 09:13 AM   #1
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Question 3 little words R missing

Hello everyone. I am 22 years old and currently in my first serious relationship. Now don't get me wrong, I've gone out with quite a few guys in the past, but it was never anything too serious (lasting 1 or 2 months). My current boyfriend and I have been together for about 7 months now... and we hung out just as friends for quite some time before that. Anyway, I am beginning to doubt his feelings for me, and due to the fact that I have never been in a serious realtionship before I am probalby quite nieve about the rules of dateing. My problum is that he has never told me that he loves me. I really, really care deeply for him and would like to know if he feels the same way about me. How is a good way to get a guy to open up about his feelings? I am not going to be the first one to say this because I don't want to scare him off. Is it normal for a guy to hold out on saying this? He is not the most romantic man in the world.... but I am a girl and I need reassurance. Anyone have any thoughts?

Also, another reason that I am a little unsure about his feelings for me is because I was talking to one of his buddies whife and she was saying that she wasn't sure if we were "seeing" each other or not. She said that she knew we talked all the time... but wasn't sure if we were dateing. Now, this makes me wonder. We have been together for such a long time 7 months, that I just assumed that we were a couple. We talk on the phone everynight... but only see each other once or twice a week. Should I ask him the status of our relationship? I mean I don't want to insult him by asking him if he "really considers me to be his girlfriend or not" I mean we did agree not to go out with other people...but we never offically said that we were boy friend and girl friend.

Anyway...Please no mean posts stateing how nieve I am. I know I don't have a lot of experience in a serious realtionship. Men just confuse me. I've had a guy who I only went out with for 2 weeks tell me that he loved me. (now, I know he didn't really mean that) But how do you get a man to really open up to you and let you know how he feels?
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Last edited by rose99; 05-26-2004 at 09:27 AM.

 
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Old 05-26-2004, 09:19 AM   #2
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Re: 3 little words R missing

Had to chuckle when I read your post because I'm 37 and kind of had the same problem. Until I decided that I didn't care if he said it back or not I needed him to know how I felt. Understand that this was a HUGE risk for me because I'm a widow and this is my first relationship since my husband died. I looked him in the eye and said "I don't care if you say it back or not,....I love you" he looked at me, smiled and said "I love you too".

My point is, he may be just as afraid to say it as you are. If you truly feel this way, tell him, no strings attached, expecting nothing in return. I know that is much easier said than done, especially at 22 at first serious relationship but you might be plesantly surprised by his response.

 
Old 05-26-2004, 09:34 AM   #3
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Re: 3 little words R missing

"Love" is a deep, important, and meaninful word. It should only be used when felt this way. Guys have a history to take longer than a girl to say it. My GF would always say I love you to me and my reply was ditto for some time. I don't believe in saying it unles meant and ofcourse, I am now saying it.

It seems that is the least of you problems at this point because you don't even know if you both are even a couple. When we are younger its easy just to send a note or a friend to ask a person out. As we get older it gets difficult because we continuously date and eventually think that we are a couple and thats what happen in this case.

At this point you need to communicate with him to see where he wants this relationship to go. Let him know your feeling and let him express his. Tell him that you thought you were together and wanted this cleared up.

 
Old 05-26-2004, 10:25 AM   #4
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Re: 3 little words R missing

Well, I don't know if it will be a consolation to you or not, but it seems like most men nowadays have this problem. I'm 32 and I had a few relationships, but only one man in my life told me he loved me. So, I am not sure whether they don't say that because they're not sure how they feel at the time, or just because they are too scared to say it. Ok, correction, a few men who I didn't date and had no romantic relationship with told me they loved me, however, of the men I actually dated and was romantically involved with, only one had no problem with expressing how he felt. It just never gets better. Men will confuse you until you're pretty much dead. That's the fun in it, otherwise we'd be bored out of our minds, I guess.

 
Old 05-26-2004, 10:31 AM   #5
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Re: 3 little words R missing

one word...communication....you need to talk to him about how he feels about you...the first time i told my hubby i loved him, he just stared at me in shock...he later confessed he was afraid to say "i love you" cause he thought that would scare me off....so you really should sit him down and talk to him about your feelings...
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Old 05-26-2004, 10:38 AM   #6
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Re: 3 little words R missing

My advice: communication. You have been friends with this guy and you think you have been going out for 7 months so you should be comfortable talking to him about ANYTHING. Communication is key to a relationship. If you want to know where the two of you stand, ask him. Yes, you fear it may make him run for the hills, but at least you would have an answer. Which is worse, asking him where you stand and him tell you he does not consider you his girlfriend, OR forever wondering if you two are even an item? If you talk to him at least you will know whats reality. Whats the point of investing in this relationship if there is not a relationship. You want to know whats going on then you have a right to know whats going on. Maybe hes waiting for you to bring it up. Men can be insecure also. You won't know anything if you don't communicae with him. It is essential.

 
Old 05-26-2004, 10:49 AM   #7
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Re: 3 little words R missing

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
So, I am not sure whether they don't say that because they're not sure how they feel at the time, or just because they are too scared to say it. .

It funny that you mention this because this is so true....

Some men are very scared of this word because it means commitment. Its sad but true In my case I wasn't scared I wanted to wait until I was ready to express that part of me and many guys are like this. It doesn't mean they don't care for thier partner or like them but like I said this is a big word in the Male Vocabulary

I have seen a guy once, that was told by his GF that she loved him and he left. He said he just wasn't ready for that part of the relationship...All I could do was laugh when my friend told me he did this.

 
Old 05-26-2004, 10:52 AM   #8
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Re: 3 little words R missing

and girls do it too though jeff...some will leave if the guy wants a commitment...

very good words elated...i couldn't agree more
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Old 05-26-2004, 10:55 AM   #9
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Re: 3 little words R missing

Just tell him how you honestly feel about him and hopefully he will reciprocate. If he doesn't then you have your answer. But if he doesn't love you now, it doesn't mean that he never will, 7 months is NOT a long time. If things are going well right now, just enjoy it and don't rush things.

 
Old 05-26-2004, 10:56 AM   #10
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Re: 3 little words R missing

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
and girls do it too though jeff...some will leave if the guy wants a commitment...

very good words elated...i couldn't agree more

I figured girls do it to. Yes, we are different in a lot of ways but we react the same in a lot of ways.

Are a lot of females like this? I ask because you hear it more often when a guy does it but I never hear about a girl running. I was under the impression that girls are more ready then guys are when it comes time to commitment. I realize it can go the other way around also, but figured more women are ready than men.

 
Old 05-26-2004, 11:00 AM   #11
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Re: 3 little words R missing

i'd say that most women are like this at times, but don't have statistics to back it up...i got scared off by a relationship once...don't feel ill towards me...but i was with a guy for three months once and he confessed to me that he loved me and felt we would be together forever...he told me of his dreams to build us a house and etc....i had just gotten out of a long relationship a few months earlier and wasn't ready to commit to somebody just yet...so i told him this and we broke up...this is also the guy that threatened to kill me and tried to kill himself when the cops served him with a restraining order...haven't seen him since...

but yeah, my point is, a lot of girls are like this too...society just points the finger at the guys most of the time...
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Old 05-26-2004, 11:17 AM   #12
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Re: 3 little words R missing

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
i'd say that most women are like this at times, but don't have statistics to back it up...i got scared off by a relationship once...don't feel ill towards me...but i was with a guy for three months once and he confessed to me that he loved me and felt we would be together forever...he told me of his dreams to build us a house and etc....i had just gotten out of a long relationship a few months earlier and wasn't ready to commit to somebody just yet...so i told him this and we broke up...this is also the guy that threatened to kill me and tried to kill himself when the cops served him with a restraining order...haven't seen him since...

but yeah, my point is, a lot of girls are like this too...society just points the finger at the guys most of the time...
I can understand if if the talks are about the future all the time. Why not just try to work the relationship in the present time and make the attempt ask what the future looks like a while into the relationship. This could be a good way to at least take things slowly. If one doesn't want a a commitment it should be known so there is no time wasted and less hurt in the long run. But easier said then done I guess

 
Old 05-26-2004, 11:30 AM   #13
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Re: 3 little words R missing

yes, and you are right there too...i did tell this guy i wasn't ready for a commitment in advance, i was just dating around...but he didn't get it...

but there are worse off cases then mine where women probably have run just when he said "i love you"....it's the same on both sides...i'm not really sure why people say it's mostly guys that do it...
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Old 05-26-2004, 11:31 AM   #14
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Re: 3 little words R missing

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
yes, and you are right there too...i did tell this guy i wasn't ready for a commitment in advance, i was just dating around...but he didn't get it...

but there are worse off cases then mine where women probably have run just when he said "i love you"....it's the same on both sides...i'm not really sure why people say it's mostly guys that do it...

Its take two...See we are common in some ways beside being mammels

 
Old 05-26-2004, 11:46 AM   #15
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Re: 3 little words R missing

lol...yeah we are
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