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Old 05-26-2004, 07:42 PM   #1
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always HB User
frustraited... b/f troubles...

my boyfriend and I have been dating a little over a year... we've done pretty well in our relationship until recently... i'm graduating this year, and he'll still be in school... the last few weeks have been really rough... he just wants to go out and jam or spend time with his friends... I know he works as well... so that takes away time, but I'm lucky if i get to spend one or two days a week with him... it bothers me because we've discussed maybe taking a break and we've also discussed some of the problems that have come up... what i didn't like is one of his reasonings for maybe taking a break was he didn't "want to act like a married couple" -I hardly see him anymore and trust me... we hardly act like we're even a couple sometimes... I'm wondering if there is just a fear about the whole graduation thing... a friend of mine and her b/f went through a really similar situation when he graduated... i really don't want to take "a break"... i'd rather try to forget it but keep it int he back of our minds so it doesn't happen again... he agrees with me, but doesn't follow through... ech...

just frustraited i suppose... anyone else deal with this kind of situation? care to share what happened? ...
i'm done complaining, my apologies... but thanks in advance for any insight on this...
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Old 05-26-2004, 08:34 PM   #2
tslask
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Re: frustraited... b/f troubles...

Quote:
Originally Posted by always
he just wants to go out and jam or spend time with his friends... I know he works as well... so that takes away time, but I'm lucky if i get to spend one or two days a week with him...
"Jam"? Do you mean he's in a band? If you are, my boyfriend is also in a band, they jam every Friday, Saturday, and normally Sunday. I do work where he does, but normally doing things alone with him on weekend nights is impossible.. unless it is something special. He also graduated last year and left me in school.. but now I just graduated yesterday. One thing that I have found to do to see him more is go with him to his band practice.. I've become really good friends with the other 2 guys in his band so I hang out with them all the time Is that what you meant, though, that he's in a band?

 
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Old 05-27-2004, 12:19 AM   #3
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Mayoya HB User
Re: frustraited... b/f troubles...

Maybe he's just stressed becuase all of the work...
Maybe he's worried that that fact that u r graduating is subconciously effecting him...
so like being rough in that way is like a reaction to not wanting to show u his real feelings, that he will miss seeing u in school, chilling with u etc...

or maybe he's a commitment phobe, and as u can see, u have been together for more than a year, and u graduating, so maybe he fears that u would want to take the relationship a step further...andhence the comment he doesn't want u to act like "married couple"...

or maybe he's bored of the relationship? I mean one year, that's a hell of time, and u need a lot of energy to bring fun and freshness to a relationship that lasted for the time....

Obviously, he's so busy and probably having his exams now... so it would be really a bad decesion to talk to him about anything now, or ask him about what's wrong...

so just give urself sometime...until u r both in good moods for talking...like after u r done with school...
go out for dinner somewhere nice...and discuss things with him to know what's on his mind...
Good luck!

 
Old 05-27-2004, 12:23 AM   #4
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Mayoya HB User
Re: frustraited... b/f troubles...

And yeah, i forgot to mention!

whenever my bf and I have exams, or busy with something, the simplest argument can turn into a fight...

that's called stress, i guess
so this could be the case with u!

 
Old 05-27-2004, 08:25 AM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: frustraited... b/f troubles...

how much Time did you both sepend before? If you both saw each like everyday then yes it will be hard for you to get over if he wants to see friends.

In a relationship its always good to still have that second life. Anothers words spend time with friend and family. He is probably at the this point where he wants more time with friends. But that doesn't mean he doesn't want a relationship.

Stress could be the big role player here. He need reasurrence from you that you want to continue the relationship. You need to communicate these feelings so he doesn't give up hope.

 
Old 05-27-2004, 11:09 AM   #6
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Re: frustraited... b/f troubles...

wow... many replies... i thank you all... really means a lot to have some imput and what not...

yes he's in a band, they decided to get together to play this one gig and haven't had anything since, but i want to watch, i'd be happy with that... but he never lets me... he wants "time with the guys"... which is fine, just it'd be nice to have "time with the girlfriend" once in a while...
school and work stress are the big culprits i think... our communication got mutalated because of stress and just general busyness... and then when we tried to talk it out it turned into a big fight... ech...

we actually used to spend every day this past summer together... i mean maybe two days we didn't see wach other but atleast talked on the phone... so getting one on one time once a week was a big blow...

but yeah... thank you all for replying... helped to reassure that the entire problem isn't "just me" [although i'm sure i've had a play in it... i know i have...] and that some of you can relate...
thanks again,a nd take care,
~always
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"just imagine what bach would have done with a synthesizer
"the thing with music: never be afraid to fail, always try, never give up..." Mr. Tourre

 
Old 05-27-2004, 11:22 AM   #7
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eightball61 HB User
Re: frustraited... b/f troubles...

Quote:
Originally Posted by always

we actually used to spend every day this past summer together... i mean maybe two days we didn't see wach other but atleast talked on the phone... so getting one on one time once a week was a big blow...

Thats part of it. Its not a bad thing to spend a lot of time together but it makes it hard when you want to see friends again. Just talk to him and reassure him that you will be there always.

 
Old 05-27-2004, 11:40 AM   #8
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: frustraited... b/f troubles...

i'm jealous...i wish my hubby was in a band...i'd be at all their practices dancing away...
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Old 05-27-2004, 05:03 PM   #9
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Re: frustraited... b/f troubles...

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
i'm jealous...i wish my hubby was in a band...i'd be at all their practices dancing away...
but i dont want him to go on tour................ unless i can go with!!!!

 
Old 05-27-2004, 05:07 PM   #10
tslask
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Re: frustraited... b/f troubles...

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
i'm jealous...i wish my hubby was in a band...i'd be at all their practices dancing away...
sorry that KJH was me.. under my moms name.. i didnt know she signed up here and she forgot to log out.....hm.......... but yeah. i hope he doesnt go on tour and leave me forever!

 
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