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Old 05-27-2004, 10:09 PM   #1
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Join Date: May 2004
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heart of gold HB User
Lonely in the Relationship

Hello,
Has anyone been in a serious relationship and yet felt very lonely? that is how I feel. It does not help the fact that my boyfriend just got a new job, and starts at 5 in the morning. I am usually working until 9 at night, and thats about the time that he is really tired and goes to bed. When I think about him, I have alot of anxiety. I have tried talking to him, but he says he is usually just too tired to do anything. We rarely have sex anymore as well, but this has been a problem from a couple months ago. He has apparently lost his sex drive. I am living in a new city, and have not really met anyone to hang out with yet. I just don't know what to do, or what to say. My confidence has taken a blow.

 
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Old 05-28-2004, 12:36 AM   #2
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Join Date: May 2003
Posts: 1,045
desertdweller HB User
Re: Lonely in the Relationship

I can relate. I work opposite hours as my BF and I have lived only 11 months in the town we live in. I haven't been able to develop any close friendships with anybody here. We only have one day off a week together. I've been real lonely. He's sleeping when I go to bed and I'm sleeping when he gets up. Our sex life has took a nose dive. I've started trying to read into everything he does and have had anxiety about his love for me. I told him that I've been feeling like room mates lately. I leave for work around 12:30, so he started coming home for lunch to say hi even if it's just for a half an hour. He also took this week off work so we could hang out more. We've been making sure that we just have fun on our day off together too. No chores.
Me being the one with the new job too, I would guess that your BF is like I am, stressed. Things will probably calm down for him eventually and he can focus on you more and not be so tired.
Can either of you find a way to spend more time together? Take a lunch or something? Also, one of the guys I work with and his wife use the walkie talkie cell phones to talk all day together. Even just periodic hellos make a difference.

 
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Old 05-28-2004, 09:22 AM   #3
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Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Lonely in the Relationship

Life will never be fair and it stinks. You may meet someone now that has the same work hours as you but thing could change months or years down the road. Its like and we have to adapt to it.

You have tried to talk and at least tried to push yourself to get a little time with him but he doesn't show any effort to do so and just is thinking of himself. He has to realize a successful relation can't last like this. He could at least take one extra hour a night to cuddle and talk to you. If he is to tired then put a TV in the bedroom and you both can lay till 10.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 10:24 PM   #4
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mizvespa HB User
Re: Lonely in the Relationship

Well, I am in serious relationship and often feel lonely. Our sex life is better than average and we do laugh together a lot, but there is so much missing. He doesn't take many of the things that I'm passionate about very seriously. I am a musician and entertainer and he never cares to really listen to my stuff, hear about my time in the studio, what new material I may be working on, what gigs I have coming up, what meetings I have, etc. I receive many more compliments and encouragement from strangers than I do from him! That is sad, I know! He is very selfish and talks about his job and his bodybuilding constantly. He is always asking me to help him find a supplement for this, help him with his diet, massage his shoulder, etc. He never asks about my life unless it is directly related to how I feel about him. I know that he loves me (as much as he is capable of loving someone, as selfish as he is) and will be crushed if (actually when) I leave him, but I feel lonely and unfulfilled. Are you in love with your boyfriend? That is important because I don't think that I am in love with mine at all. The relationship is secure and comfortable and I like knowing that I have someone to go home to every night and constantly tell me that they love me, but it is still by no means enough. I am 24 and haven't gone longer than maybe 2 months without a serious boyfriend since I was 18. I'm just so used to having someone to have sex with and just simply have someone there whenever I want. I guess Miss Independent isn't so independent... Anyway, I find myself constantly tempted by other men that approach me and I crave more passion, etc. Anyway, good luck and I'm sorry that your self confidence is being affected by this. I hope that everything works out well for you! I'm sorry to have gone off about all of my problems, too! Think long and hard about this and really try to see the relationship for what it truly is.

 
Old 05-29-2004, 07:20 AM   #5
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 1,040
realguy HB User
Re: Lonely in the Relationship

Both people have to adapt to changes in the relationship.You have to make your feelings known clearly.Knowing what you want in a relationships is the
quickest way to success.Bringing someone else into your life for security purposes is not fair to anyone .It"s a short -term solution to a problem.

 
Old 05-30-2004, 02:49 AM   #6
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Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: adelaide south australia
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haleysmum HB User
Re: Lonely in the Relationship

Hi I can totally relate
My partner is gone well before I get up in the morning and when he comes home from work he sits out the back has a couple of beers, eats tea, showers then sleeps.....I can deal with that as I know he is working hard for our family, but he also leaves me alone on weekends...He spends all his time outside in the shed or garden and doesnt spend ANY time with me or our daughter I also dont have many friends and am pretty much confined to home with my baby daughter and am pregnant again .....I have told him how I feel many many times but he doesnt seem to try and change anything ( in his head he is doing nothing wrong ) well technically he isnt, but he is neglecting me ! I have seriously thought of leaving but am scared to be alone with 2 babies Sorry I cant offer any advice, but know that you arent alone TAKE CARE
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