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Old 05-28-2004, 07:38 AM   #1
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leighbee HB User
To move or not??

Hi. Quick question..what are your thoughts on someone moving out of state because their significant other found a new job and wants them to come along? What if they're not engaged yet but talk about marriage all the time? I have a friend who is thinking of moving to Texas with her boyfriend because he found a great paying job and I'm not too sure I agree with her decision. Just wondering..

 
Old 05-28-2004, 07:57 AM   #2
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: To move or not??

If I was young, had no kids, no real job holding me down, was looking for adventure and wanted to move to Texas with my boyfriend and he wanted me to go - and I knew if it didn't work out I can always come back home.
I WOULD GO FOR IT!

 
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Old 05-28-2004, 08:27 AM   #3
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eightball61 HB User
Re: To move or not??

Same here is..If I had no reason to be where I am now and my love got a job somewhere and I know I could get a decent on to in that area then I will go for it. New place, New adventure, New people, New life...What can you compete with?

 
Old 05-28-2004, 08:53 AM   #4
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elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: To move or not??

I can totally relate to this e-mail. I am in a long distance relationship (over an hour) away, but not out of state. I thought about moving closer to him but it was hard without and engagement. At that time I decided not to. It is 2 years later and we are still together. I am now at the point of moving closer to be with him. You only live once and I agree with what Girlharley said. You need to support her, she is your friend. You don't have to agree with it. I know plenty of people that have moved to another state for their boyfriend and half the time is works out. You can tell her you don't think it is a good idea, but ultimately it is her decision and she needs you to be there and not say " I told you so" if it does not work. To be honest, I regret not moving closer to my boyfriend at the beginning and if he moved states away I would have gone with him.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 10:06 AM   #5
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SophiaM HB User
Re: To move or not??

Well, if you asked me a while ago, I would have said "NO way. Don't move anywhere without at least a ring on your finger." I have since softened up a bit. If it's a great relationship and she doesn't have any circumstances binding her to the present town, I'd say give it a shot. You only live once.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 10:11 AM   #6
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eightball61 HB User
Re: To move or not??

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Well, if you asked me a while ago, I would have said "NO way. Don't move anywhere without at least a ring on your finger." I have since softened up a bit. If it's a great relationship and she doesn't have any circumstances binding her to the present town, I'd say give it a shot. You only live once.

But soph it really doesn't matter if there was a ring or not because if they both moved down there how do we know that he or she may meet someone. That ring won't mean anything if that happens so one way or another its a chance that they will have to take and trust each other love.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 10:19 AM   #7
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SophiaM HB User
Re: To move or not??

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
But soph it really doesn't matter if there was a ring or not because if they both moved down there how do we know that he or she may meet someone. That ring won't mean anything if that happens so one way or another its a chance that they will have to take and trust each other love.
Well, I USED TO think that ring mattered a lot. Now I'm not so sure anymore. Who cares about the ring? I just want to have someone to come home to. That's why I said go for it. However, if the move required a great sacrifice on the girl's part, like giving up a great job, apartment, lots of friends/family in her home town, I guess I would at least want to make sure the guy's intentions towards me are right, if you know what I mean. After all, you can't be a total fool in love.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 10:27 AM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: To move or not??

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Well, I USED TO think that ring mattered a lot. Now I'm not so sure anymore. Who cares about the ring? I just want to have someone to come home to. That's why I said go for it. However, if the move required a great sacrifice on the girl's part, like giving up a great job, apartment, lots of friends/family in her home town, I guess I would at least want to make sure the guy's intentions towards me are right, if you know what I mean. After all, you can't be a total fool in love.

Back in the day the ring did matter alot but today it really doesn't because of the things that happens in relationships....Thats why I believe TRUST is huge in a relationship.

I do see your point and it does make sense because this is a new move, place, and enviorment and she may get stuck there if fails.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 10:29 AM   #9
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elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: To move or not??

Leighbee--
How do you not agree with your friend when I found this in another post here on long distance relationships?:

"My boyfriend recently asked me to move out of state with him and I'm going because thats what my heart tells me. "

So we are talking about you here, not your friend?

 
Old 05-28-2004, 12:54 PM   #10
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: To move or not??

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Well, I USED TO think that ring mattered a lot. Now I'm not so sure anymore. Who cares about the ring? I just want to have someone to come home to. That's why I said go for it. However, if the move required a great sacrifice on the girl's part, like giving up a great job, apartment, lots of friends/family in her home town, I guess I would at least want to make sure the guy's intentions towards me are right, if you know what I mean. After all, you can't be a total fool in love.
Ok just for giggles - I WANT THE RING! if nothing else - just for having another peice of jewerly LOL
Sure call me the material girl -
BUT seriouly, like I said - if your young, no kids, no job security or a job that you can find in Texas or any place else AND you can ALWAYS come back home - My god...DO IT...not just for the relationship and having your boyfriend there for comfront - damn...for the experince of going someplace else and having your "friend" there with you...The relationship may not last
(or may) but the experince, change of State, may..and who knows the boyfriend may go back home and the girl will like TEXAS and stay..
I have seen this happen.

And keep the ring.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 01:04 PM   #11
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: To move or not??

Quote:
Originally Posted by leighbee
Hi. Quick question..what are your thoughts on someone moving out of state because their significant other found a new job and wants them to come along? What if they're not engaged yet but talk about marriage all the time? I have a friend who is thinking of moving to Texas with her boyfriend because he found a great paying job and I'm not too sure I agree with her decision. Just wondering..


Good question, but you didnít give us your reasons for not agreeing with her. I would be interested in hearing it. There is no wrong answer here. The answers you get may depend on past backgrounds and experiences. If a person has been burned in the past because of a similar bad experience, that person may not look favorably to this situation. I am not saying this is your reason for not agreeing. You are just being a friend and concerned for her. The answer you get may also depend on how long these two have been together. If it has been only a couple of months, I would have my doubts for no other good reason, but if they have been together for a year or more, I wouldnít have a big problem with it.

I would guess one big concern on anyoneís mind is what would happen if he relationship didnít work out. Is the girl going to feel trapped in this relationship being so far away from home. Is the girl going to just get kicked out of the house with no place to go, no one to call and no money to get back home. Itís unfortunate,. but that can and has happened. Itís difficult to answer this question thinking one answer is better or more correct than anoother without knowing the couple involved.

If she does move to Texas with him, she can get a job and have her own sense of independence. So, if the relationship doesnít work out, she is not left out completely in the cold. If I was in that situation and the relationship didnít work out, I would never kick a girl out cold onto the streets. It goes against my nature. Donít get me wrong, I am NOT a NICE guy! , LOL but I am not a cold hearted B*******D either. I would help her out to get back home or whatever she decides to go. If she didnít have any money I would pay whatever expenses she asked for, to help her get to where she needs do go and be OK for a while. But, really, I would prefer she finds her own sense of independence and free will, to give her, her own level of confidence.

I would say let her go for it, but to keep in touch with you, in case she needs your help. Be there for a friend.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 01:10 PM   #12
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SophiaM HB User
Re: To move or not??

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
Ok just for giggles - I WANT THE RING! if nothing else - just for having another peice of jewerly LOL
Sure call me the material girl -
BUT seriouly, like I said - if your young, no kids, no job security or a job that you can find in Texas or any place else AND you can ALWAYS come back home - My god...DO IT...not just for the relationship and having your boyfriend there for comfront - damn...for the experince of going someplace else and having your "friend" there with you...The relationship may not last
(or may) but the experince, change of State, may..and who knows the boyfriend may go back home and the girl will like TEXAS and stay..
I have seen this happen.

And keep the ring.
Ok, if you INSIST, I'm going to accept a ring if offered to me. LOL By the right guy, of course. But he has to BEG me to take it.

"Please honey, please take this diamond ring as proof of my eternal love and devotion"

"Hmm, I don't know...I love you but I'm not sure I can accept such an expensive token of your feelings." Beeep..Beep....BEEEEEP! (sound of Hoop's lie detector device going off)

"Oh, please, please, take it, I'm begging you!"

"Weeeeell.....ok, I will, for now. With the proviso that I'm allowed to throw it at you whenever you act jerky and hurt my feelings" :evil grin:

How boring would life be without a little drama...

 
Old 05-28-2004, 01:15 PM   #13
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: To move or not??

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Ok, if you INSIST, I'm going to accept a ring if offered to me. LOL By the right guy, of course. But he has to BEG me to take it.

"Please honey, please take this diamond ring as proof of my eternal love and devotion"

"Hmm, I don't know...I love you but I'm not sure I can accept such an expensive token of your feelings." Beeep..Beep....BEEEEEP! (sound of Hoop's lie detector device going off)

"Oh, please, please, take it, I'm begging you!"

"Weeeeell.....ok, I will, for now. With the proviso that I'm allowed to throw it at you whenever you act jerky and hurt my feelings" :evil grin:

How boring would life be without a little drama...
THAT IS RIGHT! Drama is nice when it fits the purpose and a great sense of humor to boot....OH..when throwing the ring...Make sure (you know) it comes back your way...

 
Old 05-28-2004, 01:18 PM   #14
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SophiaM HB User
Re: To move or not??

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
THAT IS RIGHT! Drama is nice when it fits the purpose and a great sense of humor to boot....OH..when throwing the ring...Make sure (you know) it comes back your way...
....like a boomering..

Last edited by SophiaM; 05-28-2004 at 01:20 PM.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 01:23 PM   #15
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eightball61 HB User
Re: To move or not??

Mannnnnnnn....

If a girl made me beg like that just for a hand in marriage I don't think that I will be able to give it to her. I am not a child and I will not beg for somthing. Seeking someone for marriage should be an agreement by both and accepted by both. By making me plead just is a sign that I didn't prove enough and your not ready meaning I will close that box and just take you to dinner.

I am true to my words and I don't want to force out BS just to get any girls satisfaction. Accept me for me or don't accept me at all.

I love my girl and thats all it matters. I do not do anything to force pressure onto her. I take it one step at a time and when WE are both ready for a decision it will happen. Like a few months back I gave her a promise ring because we both have been very open and true to each other. We both promised to be and stay true to each other so I bought a ring to simbelize that.

Please don't take my post like I am being mean...I am still nice I am just saying what i believe.

 
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