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Old 05-28-2004, 04:31 PM   #1
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Fur-ball HB User
why me...... :(

By a fluke of a chance I met this incredible guy a month ago. He is everything I want in a guy and I know he is very likely my soulmate. I have never felt this way about anyone and I have been in 3 other longterm relationships (over 2 years) to compare to. Last week he told me the worst news ever. He is in the Navy and he told me that there is a good chance that he may be moved from the Westcoast where we currently live, to the Eastcoast for 2 YEARS of schooling. He will probably find out next week.

Just when I think everything is perfect, life throws me a curve ball. Next weekend we are going away for a romantic weekend and it would be so painful to know that he was moving. I know I am falling hard for him, and the more time I will spend with him, the more I fall. If he finds out next week that he is departing should I cancel our plans? It already hurts to even think he may be moving now, I could not imagine the attachment after this next weekend. I know he will not be moving until the end of July, if he does get moved, but the attachment between us is already so strong, I could not imagine how hard it could when July would roll along. Would you break it off if you were in my shoes? before things go too serious?

I know we have only been together for a month, but the feelings I have for him are like no other. 2 years is a longtime and even if we did have the long distance relationship going on for a while, there would be no way I could move out there because I am a Civil Engineering student here that has more than 2 years left. I know I am going to come across as whiner, but it just feels so unfair that this wonderful man had entered into my life and then he is swept away in a blink of an eye. I know I should be more positive and PRAY that he will be stationed here. The Navy have 2 options for him, to stay here for the remaining 2 years of school or to go eastcoast. There is really no say in it for him, to them he is just a name and a number on a piece of paper.

Anyways, thank you very much for reading. It really feels good to let this out.
Ocean

Last edited by Fur-ball; 05-28-2004 at 04:34 PM.

 
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Old 05-28-2004, 05:36 PM   #2
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: why me...... :(

Sorry, about the turn of events for you. Yeah, itís a tough break girl, I feel for you. But, donít give up on your education though. You will have plenty of time to find another guy if this relationship doesnít work out for you. The two year school is just the beginning. I was in the Navy many years ago and a two year school required a 6 year enlistment. So even after he finishes school, he will still probably be deployed on a ship, or worse, a submarine, and could very well be stationed on the east coast after his school or maybe even overseas. He has no choice in that matter either. The Navy will send him where he is needed.

There are many married couples that can make it work but personnally, I wouldn't recommend the Navy for a married couple only because they are apart for long periods of time. With the current situation in Iraq, that holds true with the other branches of service as well. A relationship is different but the emotions are very similar sometimes. The heart doesn't always distinguish between the two.

What type of Navy school will he be attending? Is it the Nuclear Program?

I know my advice is not much comfort to you at the moment but you really should concentrate on your school or at the very least, donít give that up to follow him. I canít really tell you if you should break up with him now or not, or even see him again between now and his departure. Whatever you do just be aware that this type of relationship may exist for at least 6 years and that is if he doesnít decide to make it a 20 year career. He has his career and you are preparing for yours. Sorry, but them are the Missouri Breaks.

I can tell you some real Navy stories, but they definitely wonít make you feel any better. At least not the stories I can tell you from my Navy days stationed in San Diego and traveling all over the Pacific, from Alaska down to Australia and some waterholes in between.

By the way, I am an Electronics Engineer myself. Good luck with your Civil Engineering program.

Last edited by Hoop; 05-28-2004 at 05:39 PM.

 
Old 05-28-2004, 07:58 PM   #3
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soulster HB User
Re: why me...... :(

Whatever! I dont believe that you have to give up on this.... If you feel like he is your soulmate and you his.. the both of you can make it work... 2 years will go by quickly and then you can at least move to wherever he is.

 
Old 05-29-2004, 06:32 AM   #4
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realguy HB User
Re: why me...... :(

Remember that 1 month is a short time.there are things about him you don"t know yet.
Forget the romantic weekend,a soulmate is more than romance and sex,if he truely is
you soulmate,he"ll understand.
Find out whats going on in your life to make you fall so quickly for someone.Timing is
part of the formula for a successful relationship.You both have commitments to adress.
A soulmate will always have a connection to you.Most people will have several in their lives,but not always on the same intimacy level{friend,lover,marriage}.

 
Old 05-29-2004, 07:06 AM   #5
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elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: why me...... :(

Ugh..I feel your pain. As I've gotten older I noticed life throws these awful curve balls. My opinion: if you are so happy, feel hes your soulmate and things are nearly perfect: go with him. I know you said you are a student, but are there any schools on the east coast that you can transfer to? Maybe once he leaves you can figure out if you can go 2 years long distance or not. If not, I'm sure there is some way you can get in a program where he'll be. You only live once. I say take a chance. Don't cancel plans for your romantic weekend! What is the saying "it is better to love and lose then to never love at all". This could be the best weekend of your life, you would regret canceling it. Maybe, by prayer, he will find out he does not have to move to the east coast. Best wishes and keep us updated!

 
Old 05-30-2004, 09:28 AM   #6
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Fur-ball HB User
Re: why me...... :(

Everyone has posted a variety of different opinions,I will take all of your excellent points into consideration. Thank-you all for taking your time to respond.

My feelings are still all over the board and I am still very unclear of everything. My plans are to take one step back and focus more on school these next few weeks. He is a really special guy, I have no doubts about that. The connection between us is there, but I dont know if fate is on our side...................

 
Old 05-31-2004, 11:23 AM   #7
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Re: why me...... :(

I agree with Realguy. It's been only one month and in all honesty, you don't really know him that well. He might be your soulmate or he might not. Moving with him? I think that would be getting way ahead of yourself. First wait to see if he does in fact have to get transferred. Then worry about it. If he does have to move, you can still keep in touch and see what happens. If he's truly your soulmate, he'll find a way to be with you. But quitting your college or making any drastic moves--I don't advise that. Besides, that's really jumping the gun. Who knows if he is even considering that option at this point in time. I hope it works out for you in the end.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 12:23 AM   #8
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Fur-ball HB User
Re: why me...... :(

He is being departed in 40 days. I am sooooo sad.


I cried the entire way home from his house today...

Ocean

 
Old 06-01-2004, 06:25 AM   #9
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Fur-ball HB User
Re: why me...... :(

I feel much more rational today, than yesterday, and feel I can talk about it, but I just want say that this SUCKS. I have to admit I am generally just cheesed off at the world for teasing me with the exception guy and then taking him away. He gave out 2 options yesterday, both stink, and I dont know what to do.

Options he gave

1. To end it right then and now before feelings got even more involved.

2. Spend the next 4 weeks together and then end it when he leaves, even with a really painful goodbye.

IMO< I dont know what to do because it is the last thing I ever wanted. I am just going to crawl into a hole for the rest of the day......

Ocean
(who does not know why this guy drives her crazy..................)

 
Old 06-01-2004, 07:37 AM   #10
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Re: why me...... :(

You will get some good adive from Excalibur girl latter but the Military is very hard. You both have been only together for a month. I am not downing anything but would you be willing to make this move toi change your life also?

If you are willing to make that sacrafice then I say go do it. If you know he may be the one then don't let him go. There are other ways of communicating while he is gone such as phone an email but if you want this to work then you both will have to do this together.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 07:46 AM   #11
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SophiaM HB User
Re: why me...... :(

Jeff, the two options he gave her do not involve moving with him, did you notice? They both involve ending it; the only difference is ending it now versus ending it in four weeks, at the time of his departure. There was NO third option.

It's hard to say whether you should just enjoy the temporary pleasure of being with this guy for another month, or to end it now before you get even more attached. It all depends on how emotionally strong you are. If you know you can handle it, then date him until he has to leave, but if you think that it would be too much for you to bear...well, you know what to do. On the other hand, and I don't know how far you've progressed over this one month of dating, you could try to limit the physical aspect of the relationship and be more like a friend with him. This way you will minimize the hurt and the withdrawal aspect after he leaves. Tough situation no matter how you look at it. Try to stay positive that if it was meant to be, things will work out.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 07:52 AM   #12
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Re: why me...... :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Jeff, the two options he gave her do not involve moving with him, did you notice? They both involve ending it; the only difference is ending it now versus ending it in four weeks, at the time of his departure. There was NO third option.
I did realize those options but I am making her think strait. Moving on the other side of the states is a huge move...It like starting a new life. This is relationship is new and he sees this won't work until his duties are done there in 2 years. For the time being it is better to for her to stay back and keep through phone or web contact but she is shredding. If she was to move then that is her decision but she may not like the outcome if they dont get together.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 08:18 AM   #13
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Re: why me...... :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
I did realize those options but I am making her think strait. Moving on the other side of the states is a huge move...It like starting a new life. This is relationship is new and he sees this won't work until his duties are done there in 2 years. For the time being it is better to for her to stay back and keep through phone or web contact but she is shredding. If she was to move then that is her decision but she may not like the outcome if they dont get together.
Well, now you're contradicting yourself. What you said earlier was "If you are willing to make that sacrafice then I say go do it. If you know he may be the one then don't let him go." I'm quoting your words directly. The reality is that it is not just HER decision; it's THEIR decision and so far he hasn't even mentioned moving. She can't decide to move regardles of how he feels about it. And I don't think she's even considering it either. Nobody mentioned anything about moving; it's all a matter of ending it now or continuing dating until HE moves. Just setting the records straight.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 08:30 AM   #14
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eightball61 HB User
Re: why me...... :(

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Well, now you're contradicting yourself. What you said earlier was "If you are willing to make that sacrafice then I say go do it. If you know he may be the one then don't let him go." I'm quoting your words directly. The reality is that it is not just HER decision; it's THEIR decision and so far he hasn't even mentioned moving. She can't decide to move regardles of how he feels about it. And I don't think she's even considering it either. Nobody mentioned anything about moving; it's all a matter of ending it now or continuing dating until HE moves. Just setting the records straight.
I am saying because if she was willing to make that move then it is her decision. He is telling her to stay but if she went anyway then that is her decision but I don't think it may work.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 08:30 AM   #15
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Re: why me...... :(

Anyone noticed that the post did not mention how the GUY feels about her.

Furball - you have expressed how you feel about this guy that you have been dating for over a month - Your crazy for him -

He didn't give you much of anything other then, hey end this dating now or end it in 4 weeks. Easy way to let you down sweetie - right now your thoughts are all about him, his moving on in 40 days for two years, your not thinking clearly and haven't mentioned anything about his feelings for you or if he's bummed out that of all the times for him to meet you, his soulmate that he has to leave you in 4 weeks and he's so broken hearted too

Could this be a one sided romance here and your missing the red flags?
If you could handle the next 4 weeks spending it with him before he departs then go have some fun. If you can't bare the thought of letting him go because you found this guy to be your Mr.Wonderful but.......He's leaving to serve his country and offered you nothing but a good time, a romantic weekend, your left balling your eyes out, he's told to straight out end it today or end it tomorrow but it will end. Your not thinking clearly other then you found your possible Soulmate but are you his?

 
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