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Old 05-28-2004, 06:49 PM   #1
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Red face Question on morals & trusting husband

Ok, I need to know how other's would react if they were in my shoes...... I'll start at the beginning. My husband and I had a very rough time about 6 mos ago, and I was wanting out of our 15yr marriage. There have been major trust issues where he is concerned...cheating, dope smoking, lying about money...needless to say it is going to take me a while to trust him again. Ok, so through out this time we've been going to counselling and I decided to give it another try. I wanted to be sure that I've tried everything I could to save our marriage. Well, last week we celebrated our anniversary, went out of town to a motel. We had to make a stop at my sisters house and we took our video camera to show her my son's program at school.......well, when we got to the motel I put the camera behind the seat and my husband proceeded to bring it into the motel because he didn't want to leave it in the van all night.... well, while having sex with him, I noticed what looked like the lens of the video camera peering out from under his close on the dresser, but I wasn't sure, I was second guessing myself maybe.....anyways, I confronted him the next morning and he said no he hadn't taped anything, but was going to but couldn't get it to work, and he said if he would tape us, he would have told me. I'm sure he was taping us now since he said he "wanted to" and with what I thought was the camera being hidden in his clothes. I went through the tapes we have for the camera but haven't found anything. What would you do, would you be upset?? I feel like I've been voilated. He did not have my consent. And for trying to earn my trust back, he's not doing so well. Anyone care to comment?

Last edited by what2do; 05-28-2004 at 07:47 PM.

 
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Old 05-29-2004, 07:51 AM   #2
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

It is a matter of trust. He admitted that he wanted to, but couldn't. He also said that if he did tape it he would have told you. You haven't found any tapes so I would beleive him. If you can't trust him with that I sure do commend you for trying to mend your relationship. If you really think he would tape you without your consent what are you saying about your husband? Do you really want to share your life with someone that you feel would be that sneaky? I would not be upset if I beleived that he didn't tape me. If you really feel that he did, you should feel violated. How can you be upset with him however, if he said he didn't and you have no proof that he did? If you are learning to trust him again, then trust him this time.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 08:52 AM   #3
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

Morals is something a lot of people don't have. They do what they think is right without thinking of other....lol I do it all the time.

As for the trust it will take a long time for him to gain it back. He keep ruining it but he needs to start proving himself. I hope he doesn't exspect you to trust him in 2 weeks. Trust needs to build and will take along time.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 09:12 AM   #4
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

Trust is something that is earned not given.
When trust is gone each person has their own time frame when a trust can be obtained "IF" it can be regained or given again.

IN a marriage when that trust is broken, it's more devastating because we open ourselves up to many feelings of ourselves, giving all the love, understanding, and forgiveness. How do you give forgiveness without trust?
Sometimes we can forgive but not forget.

As far as the Hidden Video - YES, I would be totally upset. The fact that he HID the video camera regardless of whether or not he filmed you - you now have doubts. He did not care about you, your feelings, or lack of respect but to just the thoughts of himself and his pleasure. He only fessed up because you busted him and then said he couldnít get the camera to work. I donít give a damn. If you did not want to be videotaped during your love making he should respect that of you. Period.; He has hurt you more then once and how long will he continue to hurt you w/his lies or sneaking around trying to video tape you? You canít trust a man like that nor does he give you any reasons to trust him.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 09:42 AM   #5
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

If it had been me, as soon as I saw the camera lens I probably would have pushed him off me and gotten up and checked to see if it was a camera and if it was on. But not knowing for sure, yes, I'd be upset, but I guess the only thing you can do at this point is let it go for now, but I'd keep my eyes open around the bedroom for the camera.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 11:42 AM   #6
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

oh wow, how uncomfortable...my hubby videotaped us once, but he had my consent first...okay, okay...i'll tell the truth...i'm the one that brought it up and got HIS consent...but i would be very upset if he did it without asking me first...

trust is very hard to gain back...i'm trying to do that myself right now...
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Old 06-01-2004, 11:58 AM   #7
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

hmmmm video taping......

I would rather my GF and me to watch us on video rather than going out to rent or by a movie of other people. Yes it would have to be a mutual consent but I see watching us on video better than fantasing about strangers.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 12:05 PM   #8
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

that's the way i feel jeff...i'd rather our shelves have "us" on them than random people getting paid to do it...
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Old 06-01-2004, 12:18 PM   #9
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

Quote:
Originally Posted by excaliburgrl
that's the way i feel jeff...i'd rather our shelves have "us" on them than random people getting paid to do it...

Its not a bad idea to venture off sometimes but if its interrupting things then I am going to say something about it.

 
Old 06-03-2004, 06:12 PM   #10
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

Ok, here's a quick update. This past weekend I decided, out of a gut feeling, to check the tapes that we had for the video camera. I'm really sad to report that I came across part of a tape where the camera came on, my husband walked in front of it, it was aimed at our mirror closet doors which reflected off our bed......if it were not for me turning off my light, he would have been very successful in taping us.... the date on the tape was March. When we went to the motel for our anniversary we left the lights on while we had sex......which now looking back, of course he taped us, and I'm sure it turned out......if it had not been for finding this first tape I'd still be doubting myself. This makes me really sad. I know it's a turn on for some, but I just didn't want to be taped. During sex a few times he had said that he like to tape us someday, I voiced that I didn't feel comfortable and how it could fall into the wrong hands..... my trust in him is quickily being destroyed....

 
Old 06-03-2004, 06:54 PM   #11
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

i'm really sorry to hear that...a man should respect his wife's wishes...are you going to confront him about this?
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Old 06-04-2004, 04:16 AM   #12
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

I'm sorry to hear that too....What a let down.

Hey, I know....When you ready to confront him - TAPE him without his knowing and get His confession or lying on tape.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 04:22 AM   #13
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what2do HB User
Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

That's a really good idea! It amazes me how he can look me straight in the eye and lie to me. Thanks for all your replies...

 
Old 06-04-2004, 09:17 AM   #14
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

i think lying is getting very easy these days...but luckily, we have those gut feelings that tell us when something isn't quite right...i rely on those feelings when they are there...
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Old 06-04-2004, 10:36 AM   #15
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Re: Question on morals & trusting husband

Men S*ck


Sorry to hear about your findings

Last edited by eightball61; 06-04-2004 at 10:39 AM.

 
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