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Old 05-30-2004, 01:27 AM   #1
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haleysmum HB User
Am I Over Reacting Please Help

Hi everyone, well I dont know where to start really but here goes..
My partner and I have been arguing and at loggerheads with each other the past 6 weeks as I overheard him [removed] to the female next door neighbour about me.....We have been living here for about 3 yrs and over the past 2 yrs on and off she has given us heaps of building materials and wood etc ( she is renovating her back garden) Anyway I never ever use to feel jealous or get mad or anything ...I knew they use to have chats over the fence etc, but didnt feel threatened in anyway...That was until about 6 weeks ago when I overheard the conversation between them....We have gone through some major life changes recently, we have an 8 month old daughter and I am 15 weeks pregnant again......and I guess he has had some things that he would want to ***** about ...but I was absolutely furious when I overheard him saying it to her....He was also talking about nudity etc, which I felt was flirtacious (sp) conversation...Needless to say the **** hit the fan and has ever since....I have been forbidding him to have anymore to do with her which he is pretty much blatantly saying stuff you and still chatting to her...This is getting me really really distressed ( which I really dont need right now ) He says he isnt doing anything wrong and has nothing to hide, but now I am convinced that he is interested in more than just friendly neighbourly chats......He says that he is only being nice as she is the neighbour but I think its crap, I wave to my neighbours and say hi nice weather that kind of stuff, but I dont think its right that he is having personal conversations with this woman......I know there is no affair or anything as he is home all the time.....But I just wonder if the oppurtunity came up would it happen....He claims he is not interested in her at all ( she isnt anything to look at ) but that doesnt mean a thing to me.....the bottom line is this upsets me and he should respect that and stay away...Its the fact that he is still persisting in these little chats that is hurting me so much....My feelings should come first right ? Just in case your wondering these chats arent everyday, maybe once a week or fortnight.....But like I said ever since I overheard the conversation, I dont want him talking to her AT ALL !!!!! Please advise me and tell me if I am being a frootloop or if I have merit in what I am saying ......
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DS CHRISTOPHER 27th JANUARY 1986
DD HALEY BORN 27TH SEPT 2003
DS ADAM BORN 1ST NOV 2004

Last edited by Guardian; 06-05-2004 at 05:38 PM. Reason: removed offensive word

 
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Old 06-01-2004, 12:41 AM   #2
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tropicalfish HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

Forgive me for being blunt, but I think that you're overreacting (thought I must admit that you have every right to be). So what's the big deal if he needs someone to exhaust his vent (would you have been equally upset if this was a guy that he's chatting with)? Gender aside, is it fair to forbid him to come in contact to a person whom he obviously finds interest talking to?

Let's switch perspectives. What if he prohibited you to talk to your coworker, per se, (whom you have no interest for because he's "nothing to look at") because he disliked what he overheard in your conversation? Without knowing the exact context, do you think that it's rational for him to decide who can communicate with when it's inevitable that you will run into him (as the same in his case)? Would it not infuriate you if had to think twice to talk to someone when it is in all innocence?

He and you have got a lot on your plate, with another baby and all. He just needs someone to vent to, that's all. She just might be extremely fit as a listener, and he opens up to her perhaps more than you would have liked. I seriously doubt it's anything to worry about.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 05:33 AM   #3
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

I don't think your over reacting and being pregnant doesn't help.
Tell your partner if he wants to have a woman ***** session find a male friend not your Female neighbor.
He can be friendly but not friends w/the woman and airing out your dirty laundry to the female neighbor shows No Respect to you. Regardless on how much building material supplies she hands over to you or your partner - a nice wave from him is fine....BUT....to complain about you to her - for what purpose? As for the nudity talk with her? Again, what purpose is he talking to her like this?

You can't forbid him or tell him what to do or what not to do - you can ask him or talk to him how it upsets you - and I'm sure you have done this already. How would he feel if you had a Male neighbor who you spoke with all the time, complaining about your partner, and talking dirty with?

Tell partner to get a Male friend/buddy to talk nudity or have ***** sessions about you.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 06:51 AM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

Its hard to tell if he would take that opportunity but he shouldn't be having these conversations openly to a neighbor. If you all were really close and open then I could see why he thinks he has done no wrong. But this is bothering you and he needs to respect that.

I am sure there is nothing there at this time but he needs to keep his distance if you are asking him to. He may be an open person but he has to learn to respect privacy

Last edited by eightball61; 06-01-2004 at 09:50 AM.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 09:47 AM   #5
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

It is extremely tacky and disrespectful for him to be talking about yours and his private matters to the female neighbor. And to venture out to the topic of nudity with her when you're pregnant with HIS baby--sorry that's just completely inappropriate. I don't care if she's "anything to look at" or not. It's just wrong. I don't blame you for being upset. You're not overreacting at all. I would set him straight and tell him this kind of talk is disrespectful to me and it has to stop. Yes, you should ask him how he would feel if you went around badmouthing him to a male neighbor behind his back and talking about nudity to him. What an inconsiderate man. And pardon my question, but with the second baby on the way, shouldn't he be your "husband" instead of just a "partner." Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 11:27 AM   #6
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Salinas1 HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
Maybe I'm just too old-fashioned.
Who needs the old fashioned ways. You know, back when crime was half of what it is today, marriages were twice as successful as they are today, teen pregnancy was a fraction of what it is today, children raising children would have been a good movie title but would not have been a reflection of society, children in schools with guns was simply unheard of, and on and on. Those pesky and constricting old fashioned ways just don't offer us the opportunity to express our freedoms and rights as the idiots we are capable of being when left to our own devices.

I'm with you, Sophia - I'm with you.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 11:30 AM   #7
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salinas1
Who needs the old fashioned ways. You know, back when crime was half of what it is today, marriages were twice as successful as they are today, teen pregnancy was a fraction of what it is today, children raising children would have been a good movie title but would not have been a reflection of society, children in schools with guns was simply unheard of, and on and on. Those pesky and constricting old fashioned ways just don't offer us the opportunity to express our freedoms and rights as the idiots we are capable of being when left to our own devices.

I'm with you, Sophia - I'm with you.
Well, since you put it that way...ME TOO.
I'm old fashion but didn't know it.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 11:36 AM   #8
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

i'd like to go back to the old fashioned ways...

i don't think you are overreacting a bit...if you are uncomfortable with him doing this then he should stop...
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Old 06-02-2004, 09:11 PM   #9
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haleysmum HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

Hi thanks for the replies......Deep down I didnt think I was over reacting, but started to think maybe I was as my hormones are all over the place being pregnant etc......Here is another question to you all if you happen to check back in on this post ......Should I say something to her ? Im pretty sure she is aware of the situation, she must have heard me yelling at him in the back garden ! If not Im sure he would have said something to her and finally I have pretty much ignored the ***** since all this has been happening.....If im right and she is aware then she is also being totally disrespectful to me ! I really havent wanted a confrontation with her and still dont, but thought maybe I should tell her that her little chats with MY partner upset me and would she please stop !!!!!! Looking forward to your replies
__________________
DS CHRISTOPHER 27th JANUARY 1986
DD HALEY BORN 27TH SEPT 2003
DS ADAM BORN 1ST NOV 2004

 
Old 06-02-2004, 10:48 PM   #10
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dentalnitemare HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

I don't think you're overeacting either.I would probably feel the same way and I'm not even pregnant.I agree with the person that said let him find a male friend to chat with instead of your female nieghbor.Hope all works out well with you.

 
Old 06-03-2004, 04:12 AM   #11
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

Quote:
Originally Posted by haleysmum
Hi thanks for the replies......Deep down I didnt think I was over reacting, but started to think maybe I was as my hormones are all over the place being pregnant etc......Here is another question to you all if you happen to check back in on this post ......Should I say something to her ? Im pretty sure she is aware of the situation, she must have heard me yelling at him in the back garden ! If not Im sure he would have said something to her and finally I have pretty much ignored the ***** since all this has been happening.....If im right and she is aware then she is also being totally disrespectful to me ! I really havent wanted a confrontation with her and still dont, but thought maybe I should tell her that her little chats with MY partner upset me and would she please stop !!!!!! Looking forward to your replies

NO NO NO NO - a big Fat NO again - I would not Confront Her - what good would it do? You think she will stop talking to your boyfriend? It's your stupid boyfriend who is your problem not her - she's just there enjoying the flirting & attention your boyfriend is giving her..... that *****!

They are both wrong here but your problem is your boyfriend.

Let's put it this way, if some guy - a boyfriend or a husband was coming on to me, say it's a neigbor like your situation, and his girlfriend or wife was inside the house pregnant and this loser is telling me his "girl" problems and
talking dirty - ME...I would have an issue with this. I would tell the guy I don't want to hear it, write to dear abby, give him this message board, and tell him to tell someone who gives a damn - then I would go visit the Female and confront HER....That's me, I'm a girly girl.

The next time he's outside talking/flirting/talking dirty/ with that sweet neigbor of yours, Why don't YOU go outside with a Beer, Ice Tea or whatever maybe "something" speical in his drink that will keep him 'indoors" on the toilet
bring her a drink to and Smile at the both of them, say hello and tell them you thought they might need a drink with all the talking the're doing.

 
Old 06-03-2004, 04:59 AM   #12
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Salinas1 HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

Quote:
Originally Posted by GirlHarley
NO NO NO NO...It's your stupid boyfriend who is your problem not her...
Thank you ever so much GH for saving me the time and effort to make this critically relevant point. I just hope Haley realizes the truth in it.

 
Old 06-03-2004, 05:13 AM   #13
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

Quote:
Originally Posted by Salinas1
Thank you ever so much GH for saving me the time and effort to make this critically relevant point. I just hope Haley realizes the truth in it.
Oh, come on....I enjoy your posts too and of course your words speak volumes better then mine.

 
Old 06-03-2004, 09:09 AM   #14
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

I agree with GH once again and I wouldn't tell talk to her unless they keep these convos. going. Your Bf is your problem right now and the only way to stop this is if he listens to you and stops having the naturist talks.

You are not overreacting and I would do the same thing if my GF had a conversation with a guy like this.

 
Old 06-03-2004, 09:19 AM   #15
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excaliburgrl HB User
Re: Am I Over Reacting Please Help

i like girl harley's response on this one...i was thinking something along the same lines...make it known that he's taken and happy...and throw yourself out there...go out and rub his back or something while they are talking and just get a point across to her that you won't allow a homewrecker into your lives...
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