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Old 05-31-2004, 02:01 AM   #1
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Ok I am really really unsure

Hey, ok I met this guy a couple weeks ago and we really hit it off. He is cute, talented, going to school; but the best part is that he is a really awesome guy. I can be myself around him and he is really polite and caring. Well, the problem is that in March he had a little mental episode. He would cut himself and that led to him trying to kill himself. He didnt go through with it because he said he felt something and then he went on his own to get mental help. He says that he is really happy now and fully capable to take on a relationship. I am just really concerned, he is still on medication and goes to therapy. He has to do this for his sake and if not the university will not let him back in. I am just nervous that he is not better. He truly seems to be happy, he is such a funny sweet guy, but what do you all think?

 
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Old 05-31-2004, 06:04 AM   #2
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

If you have only known him for two weeks, give him a lot of space. It may take a while for you to figure him out if it is even possible to do so. You haven't known him long enough and you have no idea what his issues really are.,
Does he have a history of this type of behavior? If he does, you can expect more of it. You just have to weigh in the factor of how far he may go if he ever goes into one of his moods again.

Hopefully, the medication and therapy works out great for him but I don't think anyone can give you any guarantees.

Last edited by Hoop; 05-31-2004 at 06:04 AM.

 
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Old 05-31-2004, 04:48 PM   #3
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Hoop, he has not been in any of his "moods" since the incident and the fact that he pulled himself out of it makes me feel better. He knew he had a problem and he got help for it. He tells me has learned how to deal with the issues that once depressed him. He is the one that is 100% sure here. He tells me that if he was not ready for a relationship he would know and he says that he is very sure that he is ready. I asked him what would happen if we didnt work out, and he said that he would move on. I also wanted to make perfectly sure that he was happy and secure before he met me. I dont want to be a "medication" for him, if that makes any sense. He reassured me that he is very happy with life and that I just make him happier. We have only known each other a short while but we are taking it slow. I am just curious as to how other people feel about my situation. Would any of you not start a relationship with someone that had problems like this, and well is still getting help for those problems? He is a great guy in everyother aspect. He is hilarious and caring. I dont know what to do.

 
Old 05-31-2004, 04:54 PM   #4
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Cutting isn't something that just goes away overnight...
Do you think he would tell you if he had another diagnosis? To go from suicidal feelings to being able to take on a relationship in two weeks time doesn't feel right to me somehow.
Do you know anyone in his family well enough to talk to about him confidentially?
If you are old enough to be "just friends" I would recommend that. Most young men in their teen & twenties find that next to impossible to do.
If you can be a friend, and not a date, if you can be there but not be romantically involved then you could be of great help to him...

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 05-31-2004 at 04:54 PM.

 
Old 05-31-2004, 05:07 PM   #5
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

It wasnt 2 weeks since the suicidal feelings it was in March and it is now almost June. I realize that it was a short while ago, but he says that he mentally helped himself he genuinly wanted help so he worked really hard on it. He is the one totally saying that he is ready. He shows no sign of depression to me, in fact when he was visiting me (he goes to school here but has to go home to the other side of the state for a month until he comes back to his apartment) he didnt even have his medication and was fine. I really want to be with him it just scares me that he may not really be ready as he says he is. I am going to post this on the mental health board. Thank you for your help and more replies would be great.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 07:34 AM   #6
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Two weeks is not a long time to know someone but keep him on that medication and have him see a counselor. I am specting that he is not if you havn't said that in here but if he is he needs to continue all this treatement. Within time he will get better hopefully but he is helping himself with the medication so just give it time and give him the support he needs.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 08:23 AM   #7
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Your concerned.
Your scared.
You just don't know what to do.
Known the guy just two weeks.

Ok, he's soooo nice, he's loving, he's funny and your enjoying yourself.
OR are you? You have listed nice qualities of this guy and then there is this hugh BUT.........He's tried to commit suicide, he's got mental issues but with medication he's fine. SO you think? I'm not knocking the guy because he could just be a great guy who has so unresolved issues and is working through them, then he meets a girl - You could be the "it" girl who saves him or you could just be the "it" girl who struggles to understand his health issues.

Tough question if I or you should get involved with someone like this.
You are putting alot of worries into a relationship of just two weeks, why would you want to take ownership of this man's problems?
Can you just date him, enjoy each other's company, become a friend to him?
Are you thinking of falling in love with him already? Why not just take it slow if you can and if you can't just don't.

Dating someone should be fun and exciting not confused or trying to figure out someone's mental state.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 01:16 PM   #8
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Ok I think that I have given you all a bit of the wrong idea. We are taking it slow, we are not going to rush into it. All we want to do is spend more time together and get to know each other better. No, I am not expecting to fall in love with him immediately. On the issue of me dealing with his mental issues, he doesnt want me to. The only time that it was ever brought up was when he told me. He wants it to be part of his past and that is it. He knows though that he has someone to talk to. He is taking his medication, and he is going to counseling sessions. He knows what he has to do and he is doing it. He may even be weened off of the medication. All he wants is to leave it behind and continue forward to his goals. I am not stressed I am just a little worried. He knows what he needs to do, the only problem here is, is it a good idea to date him and get to know him and eventually be with him? I know already that even people that have or have had mental issues are real people. What he did or felt was not really who he is.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 01:28 PM   #9
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by butterfly2003
Ok I think that I have given you all a bit of the wrong idea. We are taking it slow, we are not going to rush into it. All we want to do is spend more time together and get to know each other better. No, I am not expecting to fall in love with him immediately. On the issue of me dealing with his mental issues, he doesnt want me to. The only time that it was ever brought up was when he told me. He wants it to be part of his past and that is it. He knows though that he has someone to talk to. He is taking his medication, and he is going to counseling sessions. He knows what he has to do and he is doing it. He may even be weened off of the medication. All he wants is to leave it behind and continue forward to his goals. I am not stressed I am just a little worried. He knows what he needs to do, the only problem here is, is it a good idea to date him and get to know him and eventually be with him? I know already that even people that have or have had mental issues are real people. What he did or felt was not really who he is.
It is ok to be worried over someone that you care for that is going through this. Just keeping giving him the support he needs and helpful advice. He is taking the rights step for couseling and medication. Now its just going to take time and patients for him to overcome this.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 01:35 PM   #10
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Ok he pretty much feels that he is over it. That is not the problem really, or that is not what I am really asking about. I do appreciate your responses, though. I am wondering if there was any reason I should not be with him.

 
Old 06-01-2004, 02:27 PM   #11
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by butterfly2003
Ok he pretty much feels that he is over it. That is not the problem really, or that is not what I am really asking about. I do appreciate your responses, though. I am wondering if there was any reason I should not be with him.
All I can suggest is take it slow, enjoy his company and have fun.
I don't see any reason you can not date him and get to know him better.
If he is a danger to himself or you then that would be your reason not to date him -

 
Old 06-01-2004, 03:07 PM   #12
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by butterfly2003
I am wondering if there was any reason I should not be with him.
Why shouldn't you???? He does have a few problems but who is perfect. If you like this guy and willing to give it a chance then you go for it

 
Old 06-02-2004, 11:43 PM   #13
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Butterfly,
I am currently seeing a man who suffers with Bipolar disorder, as well as an addiction to smoking. Right now, he is taking medication, learning, and using, coping techniques, and he is considering getting involved in a group that promotes smoking cessation. In my opinion, he is managing his issues very well. I know that he will always have Bipolar, and he may always have a susceptibility to addiction, but he is willing, and able, to manage these two things. This says a lot to me.

From what I was reading about your current romantic interest, he is also managing his issues with Depression well. He is taking medication and going to therapy, and he is willing to open up, and share, his feelings with you. This is a very good sign, in my opinion, and my advice to you is to continue on with the relationship, as long as both of you are benefitting from it :-).

We all have issues to deal with. Please don't write him off simply because he is suffering with a mental illness. If I wrote my boyfriend off because he is Bipolar, then I would be missing out on soooo much. He is also a sweet, sensitive person, and we genuinely care about eachother. Incidentally, I also have suffered with bouts of Depression, so I'm not entirely without knowledge and experience on this subject. Support your guy, and try to be there when he needs a shoulder to lean on.

Colleen

 
Old 06-03-2004, 04:12 AM   #14
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Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Butterfly
You seem to understand the issues and the potential problems that may arise but also seem to enjoy his company, so I donít see a problem with you dating him. I mean, we canít condemn every person for his past in every single case, otherwise, we would all be dateless eventually. Just be careful and aware of his past incident until you get to know him very well and that will just take time to get to know him.

You also seem to indicate he understands his own problem very well, which is a good sign that he is not in denial and is learning to deal with it. So that is a big plus.

I do think it is important that you know his history or as much as possible to be able to better predict future behaviors. You donít mention if this was a one-time thing or if you know what his real issues were that led him to the situation in question. Maybe you do, just didn't mention it. That would help you evaluate the big picture as well.

Iíve known friends in the past that have attempted suicide. Three by hanging, one by gunshot to the head and one by drug overdose. Only the overdose victim survived and is leading a very productive life today. He did develop epilepsy as a result of the attempted suicide and now has to take daily medications, but that was the only time he ever attempted suicide. He was a drug addict at the time but later on cleaned up his life as well.

I am only telling what I think. I have my off days like everyone else but I have never suffered from depression or any mental issues that required therapy, counseling or medication. The full frontal lobotomy did wonders for me the first time. It also helped that I donated my brains to science before I got done using it!

Hoop(ummm, I am at a loss for words hear. Where did I last leave my brains at?)

Last edited by Hoop; 06-03-2004 at 04:44 AM.

 
Old 06-03-2004, 04:59 AM   #15
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Ok I am really really unsure

Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoop
Butterfly
You seem to understand the issues and the potential problems that may arise but also seem to enjoy his company, so I donít see a problem with you dating him. I mean, we canít condemn every person for his past in every single case, otherwise, we would all be dateless eventually. Just be careful and aware of his past incident until you get to know him very well and that will just take time to get to know him.

You also seem to indicate he understands his own problem very well, which is a good sign that he is not in denial and is learning to deal with it. So that is a big plus.

I do think it is important that you know his history or as much as possible to be able to better predict future behaviors. You donít mention if this was a one-time thing or if you know what his real issues were that led him to the situation in question. Maybe you do, just didn't mention it. That would help you evaluate the big picture as well.

Iíve known friends in the past that have attempted suicide. Three by hanging, one by gunshot to the head and one by drug overdose. Only the overdose victim survived and is leading a very productive life today. He did develop epilepsy as a result of the attempted suicide and now has to take daily medications, but that was the only time he ever attempted suicide. He was a drug addict at the time but later on cleaned up his life as well.

I am only telling what I think. I have my off days like everyone else but I have never suffered from depression or any mental issues that required therapy, counseling or medication. The full frontal lobotomy did wonders for me the first time. It also helped that I donated my brains to science before I got done using it!

Hoop(ummm, I am at a loss for words hear. Where did I last leave my brains at?)

Hoop - your are just too funny. Thanks for the early morning chuckle.

 
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