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Old 06-01-2004, 09:43 PM   #1
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Keen17 HB User
Pictures of your ex?

Okay, so this is the first time I've been to these boards so I apologize on bashing in and asking a straight forward question. But I need a consensus....is it wrong to keep pictures of your ex? I am about to get married and my boyfriend wants me to get rid of all my pictures I have with my ex!

My ex and I broke up amiably and I remained friends with him. My current boyfriend didn't like the fact that I was still friends with him so I cut off the friendship. I am completely over my ex but I have a hard time with throwing away the photos...I still feel it's part of my life, or a part of me. I have no romantic feelings or longing to be with my ex what-so-ever. It was a positive time but he was just not the one.

Is it wrong for me to want to keep the photos? Ugh, my Fiance is really upset that I want to keep them, he feels it's disrespectful and doesn't understand why i'd want to keep them.

Please tell me your views on this, I'm very curious. Thanks!

 
Old 06-01-2004, 10:26 PM   #2
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Saka HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

I don't think it is wrong at all. My b/f has quite a few photos of his ex and it doesn't bother me a bit. She was a big part of his life. And your ex was a big part of your life and one I'm sure you don't want to forget. Especially if you were friends afterwards. I take it he has no photos of his ex girlfriends?

I don't believe in throwing photos out at all. You will probably regret it in the long run. Can you not get them all together and put them in a box at the back of the cupboard or something? Out of site out of mind?

Last edited by Saka; 06-01-2004 at 10:27 PM.

 
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Old 06-02-2004, 01:09 AM   #3
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

Amiably or not, he is an "EX" for a reason. Add to that, you are going to get married! If you current boyfriend/ future husband feels uncomfortable with them, get rid of them. You are about to start a new life here with someone you hopefully love enough to commit to marriage with. Get rid of them as a sign of love and commitment to the new man in your life. Don't live in the past.

How would you feel if he had pictures of an ex girlfriend?
How would you feel if he had nude pictures of his ex girlfriend?

If you would feel different or insecured about the nude pictures then you may begin to understand his own insecurities and how uncomfortable he feels.

If you don't want to get rid of them, put them in a safe deposit box that's in your name only.

Hoop (the humble one)

 
Old 06-02-2004, 01:32 AM   #4
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desertdweller HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

My ex and I are still friends, but I have no romantic feelings. I have pictures of Hawaii and various experiences that were fun that I want to keep. I would keep the pictures that remind you of a time and place. But not the romantic type of pictures ( hugging, kissing, etc.). My bf wants to keep pictures of his wedding because he thinks it's the best he's ever looked. I'm okay with that. I don't want to seeing loving kissing wedding pictures though.

 
Old 06-02-2004, 04:16 AM   #5
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Re: Pictures of your ex?

I have seen this question appear in Dear Abby a few times. She suggested it is OK to save pictures of ex relationships and keep them in a box, put away in an attic or garage. It is not showing disrespect to your current relationship or husband/wife. It is a life lived and one day you may want to share these memories to your grandchildren.

No mention of Nude photos though.

 
Old 06-02-2004, 04:43 AM   #6
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CobaltBlue HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Keen17
Is it wrong for me to want to keep the photos? Ugh, my Fiance is really upset that I want to keep them, he feels it's disrespectful and doesn't understand why i'd want to keep them.

Please tell me your views on this, I'm very curious. Thanks!
My feeling on that is that the photos are simply documentation of your life and who you are/were and partly, how you ended up where you are at in your life. It is your right and your choice whether you are comfortable keeping them. I still have photos from my previous marriages, and have never gotten rid of any photos. Once they are gone, they are gone forever; what is the sense in that?

Fortunately, no one I have ever been with has had jealousy or insecurity issues such that having photos became detrimental to the relationship. It's been quite the contrary actually, where those I have been dating have been interested in my past. They can also tell (as you mentioned about yourself) that I am completely over the prior relationships. This is not to say I have these pictures out anywhere nor hanging on a wall. All of these photos are tucked away neatly in photo albums.

I would tell your BF that you would like to keep the pictures because they are part of what made you the loving fiance you are towards him today and that the pictures in no way diminish how you feel about him.

Good luck!

 
Old 06-02-2004, 04:50 AM   #7
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Re: Pictures of your ex?

Keep the photos but store them away. If this is so important to him, then humour him. However, if it is a sign of jealousy and control, then watch out! This is only the first demand he'll make in a string of many.

 
Old 06-02-2004, 04:55 AM   #8
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devastated HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

hehe, if they were nudes or something, I could understand, but normal pics...I don't see anything wrong with keeping them. My fiance and I both have pics of our ex's.

 
Old 06-02-2004, 05:22 AM   #9
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

It is a bit of a red flag when someone feels threatened by pictures...
Have there been any other symptoms of extreme jealousy and/or possessiveness?
Been there...

 
Old 06-02-2004, 06:04 AM   #10
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newlywedgurl HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

When my husband and I got married, he wanted me to get rid of the pictures of my ex, too. Matter of fact, it sounds exactly like your story...amicable break-up, remained friends, cut off the friendship out of respect for my future husband. I still have my old pictures. He compromised and said he just didn't want them in the house....so I guess he wouldn't have to come across pics of me and another man. They are at my mother's house in a box.

 
Old 06-02-2004, 06:56 AM   #11
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Re: Pictures of your ex?

I think that if you got rid of the pics you would deffinately regret it. What if anything was to happen to him, what would you feel like if you threw them out and he passed away or something (God forbid)? Or maybe one day you will get back with him (you never know). Please dont throw them out put them in a box out of the way, like the other posts say.

 
Old 06-02-2004, 08:07 AM   #12
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

These photos that you are keeping is to remember your past on what you did for memories. You are not keeping it because you are still in love with the guy. You can't help the fact that he is in there.

I undderstant why he wants this done and thats because to him a marriage is to start a new life and and he wants you to forget your past but you cant just do that and he needs to know. He is marrying you and he has to trust your word that you are not keeping these pictures because of your ex. but its for the long term memories. Don't throw those pictures away. If is causes a fight store them at your mother house.

 
Old 06-02-2004, 09:35 AM   #13
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Silver Lining HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

*************************************

Last edited by Silver Lining; 06-02-2004 at 09:36 AM.

 
Old 06-02-2004, 09:38 AM   #14
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Keen17 HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

Thanks a ton you guys! Just to clarify about the nude photos hehe I don't have any of those of my ex. And I wouldn't want my current boyfriend to have any of his ex. I wouldn't care if he kept regular pics of his ex but he has thrown out all of his since he feels it's disrespectful.

The real problem is that we had this argument 6 months ago before I moved in with him. He finally gave in and said I could keep them out in the porch closet or garage. He still didnt' understand but he made that agreement with me.

Just before I moved in I told him I would get rid of them for him since he felt so adiment about it and I apreciated his gesture to let me keep them. However, I moved in and brought two large boxes of pictures that I hadn't gone through yet and knew there were lots of ex pictures in them. I told my boyfriend now that I would go through them and throw out the "ex photos". Well that was 6 months ago and I guess I "passive-agressively" procrastinated and never went through them.

Well the argument came up again this past weekend that I hadn't gone through the boxes and well I finally started doing it a couple days ago.

I was looking at the photos (not feeling any bit of regret or love toward my ex) and felt like I couldn't trash them. So I told my ex that I'd like to keep them again but in a box in the garage.

He still argues the point that "why do I need to keep them if I don't have feelings for him anymore". I guess he just feels like if I can't get rid of the pictures then for some reason I'm still attached to the past relationship. Which I know I'm not...it's going on 4 years since we broke up. I don't think I would have moved out of the state he was in if I were still in love with the guy. I even broke off the friendship my ex and I had after we broke up because it made my current boyfriend uncomfortable.

I dunno what to do, my boyfriend is sticking to his guns that it is disrespectful for me to keep the pics.

 
Old 06-02-2004, 09:47 AM   #15
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: Pictures of your ex?

Please, I came across a picture of an exboyfriend & myself at Christmas party from 12 years ago a few months ago while cleaning out my bedroom closet - I too felt nothing for the men in the picture, he is a total stranger and well,
I was admiring ME - how good I looked 12 years ago. LOL..

Tell boyfriend - Dear Abby said you have done nothing wrong.

 
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