It appears you have not yet Signed Up with our community. To Sign Up for free, please click here....



Relationship Health Message Board
Post New Thread   Closed Thread
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-03-2004, 10:35 AM   #1
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 11
funnygirlie HB User
Dad's a drunk....

I need some advise. I have two young girls aged 6 and 8 who visit their dad every second weekend. They also see him occasionally at my place if I have a meeting, etc. in the evening. He has had a long history of alcohol abuse (which is the main reason that we are no longer together). He is not allowed to drink in the presence of the girls and this was even put in our divorce agreement. Last weekend, he arrives with a booze on his breath. He even admits to having had 'a couple of beers'. I am now no longer comfortable with him taking my kids, even for a few hours, in fear that he will drink and drive. He to this day does not think that he has a 'drinking problem', so will often get defensive, saying that he's 'just fine'...

My girls love their father and it certainly helps to have a break once in a while, but I just don't want anything to happen to them while they are in his care. I can just as easily hire a babysitter!! I have gone on with my life, and have a relationship with a great guy, who is wonderful with my kids. At times I wish my girls' father would just stay at the bar! How do I ever let my kids go with their dad???

 
Old 06-03-2004, 10:43 AM   #2
Senior Veteran
(female)
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 3,336
Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Dad's a drunk....

You really need to get in touch with the lawyer who drew up your divorce papers.
Your children's safety comes first -
The court may order supervised visitation for a period of time, or require a period of time in AA. If the problem was so apparent that it was written into the divorce documents then you have ample reason to bring this to the court's attention. It was put in there in the first place to protect your children, right?
Someone may have some suggestions on how to explain it to your children if visitation is taken away from your ex -
He should not be able to get in a car with if he has been drinking. Period. And if they only way to ensure that is for him not to be allowed to take them, then that may be HIS incentive to quit drinking. (He'll probably make it out to be someone else's fault, but that's another symptom, huh?)

 
Sponsors Lightbulb
   
Old 06-03-2004, 11:01 AM   #3
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Dad's a drunk....

Quote:
Originally Posted by funnygirlie
I need some advise. I have two young girls aged 6 and 8 who visit their dad every second weekend. They also see him occasionally at my place if I have a meeting, etc. in the evening. He has had a long history of alcohol abuse (which is the main reason that we are no longer together). He is not allowed to drink in the presence of the girls and this was even put in our divorce agreement. Last weekend, he arrives with a booze on his breath. He even admits to having had 'a couple of beers'. I am now no longer comfortable with him taking my kids, even for a few hours, in fear that he will drink and drive. He to this day does not think that he has a 'drinking problem', so will often get defensive, saying that he's 'just fine'...

My girls love their father and it certainly helps to have a break once in a while, but I just don't want anything to happen to them while they are in his care. I can just as easily hire a babysitter!! I have gone on with my life, and have a relationship with a great guy, who is wonderful with my kids. At times I wish my girls' father would just stay at the bar! How do I ever let my kids go with their dad???

This is a difficult situation but these are your girls. They are to young to realize the safety and they just want to see daddy. YOu may want to talk to your lawyer to see what they can do since he is drinking around them. It doesn't matter if its 1 or 12 beers he can still get in an accident.

Like i was saying the girls are young and they are going to want to see thier daddy but do to safety you don't want that to happen. See if there is a way with you lawyer that your husband can still see them but with your or another supervisors presence and he commits to go get counseling done on the alcholol. If he fail then the girls are yours till he is clean. \

You need to look at every possible solution since these are your girls.

 
Old 06-03-2004, 12:32 PM   #4
Senior Member
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Location: Mississippi
Posts: 179
PeggyHarmon HB User
Re: Dad's a drunk....

Yea go see your divorce laywer. They can make him have supervised visits if he wants to continue to booze it up. You can deny him the girls until a police office arrives (which might make him leave the premises) but they can document you are refusing him his visitation based on him drunk or smelling of alcohol. If you are okay with him staying in your house to babysit them and not leaving, and he's willing to do that for you, then you might allow that if you are having sitter problems.

 
Old 06-03-2004, 12:56 PM   #5
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Easton, Pa
Posts: 734
promisez HB User
Re: Dad's a drunk....

You've set the boundries already and he is testing them. If you reset the boundries now, be ready, and without complaining, to reset them time and time again. It's up to you how dangerous the situation gets for the kids. Been there as the drunk, trust me, it will get worse and he will make you feel like its your fault.

================
Sober 9+ years now

 
Old 06-03-2004, 05:14 PM   #6
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 11
funnygirlie HB User
Re: Dad's a drunk....

I agree with you all... and the thing about making it 'my fault' is so true. Congrats on being sober for 9+. I just wish he could see it and do the same. It's amazing how alcohol can just seize every ounce of common sense, especially when it involves your own children!!!

 
Old 06-04-2004, 12:57 PM   #7
Inactive
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 74
fredrolin HB User
Re: Dad's a drunk....

was your husband a drinker when you met him? Were you? If so and you are against boozers, why did you get married and have kids with this man?

I am against drinking and driving, but not against drinking.

In this day and age alot of people think that drinking leads to destruction.
Drinking was very acceptable years ago and was commonplace at business lunches and many social gatherings.

A small percentage of accidents and unfortunate occurances happen because of drunk people and booze becomes evil.
Accidents and unfortunate occurances happen to sober people too.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 01:06 PM   #8
Inactive
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: ma
Posts: 9,639
eightball61 HB User
Re: Dad's a drunk....

Quote:
Originally Posted by funnygirlie
I agree with you all... and the thing about making it 'my fault' is so true. Congrats on being sober for 9+. I just wish he could see it and do the same. It's amazing how alcohol can just seize every ounce of common sense, especially when it involves your own children!!!

Its hard to stop a drinker. I drink only occassionally now but on nights I stay bup late I am dying for a beer. Its hard to fight that feeling and I can't imagine what its like being a hard drinker for a lot of time.

He does need to clean up but talk to your lawyer and see what you can do leagally.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 01:58 PM   #9
Inactive
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Easton, Pa
Posts: 734
promisez HB User
Re: Dad's a drunk....

Quote:
Originally Posted by fredrolin
was your husband a drinker when you met him? Were you? If so and you are against boozers, why did you get married and have kids with this man?

I am against drinking and driving, but not against drinking.

In this day and age alot of people think that drinking leads to destruction.
Drinking was very acceptable years ago and was commonplace at business lunches and many social gatherings.

A small percentage of accidents and unfortunate occurances happen because of drunk people and booze becomes evil.
Accidents and unfortunate occurances happen to sober people too.
This has nothing to do with attempting to place blame, justify alcoholic behaviours or call a collision with a driver under the influence that kills a child or a family member an "unfortunate occurance". Plain and simple, 3 tons of steel and a driver that is impaired and swears he or she is the best driver in the world usually leads to death or injury. Your attitude reminds me so much of myself when I was drinking and I thank you for the flashback But this is about her boundries being crossed by an alcoholic that will probably endanger her children. Alcoholics and people that abuse alcohol always seem to try to justify things to maintain some level of control and this is a situation that she needs to enforce her own boundries to protect her and her children and even possibly draw them tighter. Her and her families needs come first, not his desires to have a beer. Most people can be casual drinkers but this isn't the case here.

Last edited by promisez; 06-04-2004 at 03:07 PM.

 
Closed Thread

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Board Replies Last Post
I need help desperately, not only did I just lose my dad StaceyKess79 Grief & Loss 5 03-22-2009 03:54 PM
Lost my Dad/Friend ac95 Grief & Loss 4 02-20-2009 11:35 AM
boyfriend's dad llama4u447 Relationship Health 10 07-25-2008 11:44 PM
My mom has been dead 5 months and my dad has already got women on his mind blanche235 Alzheimer's Disease & Dementia 20 05-23-2007 04:59 PM
I miss my Dad Purplegirl07 Grief & Loss 6 04-10-2007 03:59 AM




Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are Off
Pingbacks are Off
Refbacks are Off




Join Our Newsletter

Stay healthy through tips curated by our health experts.

Whoops,

There was a problem adding your email Try again

Thank You

Your email has been added








TOP THANKED CONTRIBUTORS



Kszan (273), rosequartz (255), pendulum (172), Larrylou'smom (164), Seraph (159), cryingforever (132), CadenceA (131), lenvegas (102), writeleft (83), Ely4 (62)

Site Wide Totals

teteri66 (1180), MSJayhawk (1013), Apollo123 (909), Titchou (856), janewhite1 (823), Gabriel (763), ladybud (755), midwest1 (670), sammy64 (668), BlueSkies14 (607)



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:09 AM.



Site owned and operated by HealthBoards.comô
Terms of Use © 1998-2014 HealthBoards.comô All rights reserved.
Do not copy or redistribute in any form!