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Old 06-03-2004, 06:13 PM   #1
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ohhh what to do

ok here the 411

my X gf and i werebeen dating for a year and half.. i got hurt about 3 months ago and i was in a coma.. ever since then me and her have never been the same, but yeah she was at the hospital everyday but once i got out she was gone..

we still talk and she said she needs a break and space so that is what she got but when i talk to her on the phone she says she loves me and misses me but she doesnt ever make a effort to see me cuz i can not drive yet in a week . the part that scares me is ok when i do start driving do i see her or not because i dont want to get hurt if she says no i am already taking it prettty hard.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 08:09 AM   #2
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Re: ohhh what to do

I would say she failed the test for what a good girlfriend is. When you needed her most, she abandoned you. I know you said she came to visit at the hospital, but after you got out, she does not seem interested in spending any time with you. Obviously she's not someone you can count on when the going gets rough. It's easy to be a fun girlfriend when everything is fine and dandy, and she's getting rides from you etc. But in a difficult situation, she has proven herself to not be a loving, concerned, and caring girlfriend. Even a friend would do more for you. Forget her, as hard as it may be, and take care of yourself and your health right now, using the love and support of your TRUE friends who are there for you and care about you. Then, when you get strong again, look for a new girlfriend who cares about you as much as you do about her. Good luck.

 
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Old 06-04-2004, 08:38 AM   #3
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Re: ohhh what to do

Suggestions. Did anything change after your car accident. Did you mentally recover, did your physical appearance change. Were you in a coma for a long time? Could she have met someone else during this time. People are very into looks. I was in a terrible car accident when I was younger. My face had to be reconstructed. It took years, but I have made a full recovery. In between surgeries, I was so swelled up and hard to look at. People treated me so different. It was such and eye opening experience. The same girls that would usually be nice to me, were dismissive and rude. Even guys treated me worse. That was weird. But when I was with my true friends, seemed like nothing at all had changed, they were always there. So I am with Sophia, whatever her reasons, she seems to have failed the true test.

Sophia,(or anyone else that we have discussed this with) since we have all agreed, that there has to be a level of attraction between people to have a relationship, what if those qualities were taken away, because of an accident. And you were no longer attracted physically to a person. Would you stay, because you think that is the right thing to do. Or would you go, because it is not fair to stay with someone and not be attracted to them. Tough question.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 08:43 AM   #4
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Re: ohhh what to do

Have you stopped to think how your accident has effected her?

You dated for a year and a half and you had a serious accident that put you into a coma. Scary stuff right? I know I would freak out if that was my boyfriend.

She says she still loves you, but maybe she's afraid of losing you and is putting distance that way. Maybe the accident was too close to home for her.

I wouldn't say 'leave her', I'd say talk to her. She did stay by your side in the hospital didn't she? Talk to HER about this and ask her what's up.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 09:16 AM   #5
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Re: ohhh what to do

i'd have to agree with trooper here...it is wrong that she disappeared after you woke up...this is a time when you really needed her...but maybe trooper was right in saying that this scared her a bit...sit down and talk to her...see what happened...cause something sure did
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Old 06-04-2004, 09:23 AM   #6
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Re: ohhh what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
Sophia,(or anyone else that we have discussed this with) since we have all agreed, that there has to be a level of attraction between people to have a relationship, what if those qualities were taken away, because of an accident. And you were no longer attracted physically to a person. Would you stay, because you think that is the right thing to do. Or would you go, because it is not fair to stay with someone and not be attracted to them. Tough question.
Corey, that IS a tough question. I've never been in that situation, so I'm only speculating, but I think that if I truly loved someone before something like that happened, my feelings wouldn't change. Look at Christopher Reeves' wife--she stood by him, even though he became paralyzed after his accident. How much worse can it get, and yet her love did not go away just because he couldn't move anymore. It's such a scarey concept. My friend said that when they were discussing this topic with a bunch of friends, and her husband said that he would never leave her, even if she lost her leg, or an arm, or something like terrible happened to her. She knew then that he really, really loved her and it felt so good to hear. I mean, these are events beyond our control. I think I would just be so happy that my husband is alive that nothing else would matter. I remember watching a program about this AMAZING woman who survived the 9/11 attacks on the towers, but she was severly burnt and disfigured. She had all these surgeries and learned to walk again and do all the basic things, but she will never be the same person again, in terms of looks of physical ability. I mean, she was beautiful before and now she's still disfigured because such a huge percentage of her body was burned. But her husband was just so happy that she survived and that he can be with her and enjoy raising their little son together, that nothing seemed to matter to him. And men are supposed to be more visual than women. So I think love can overcome almost anything. That's my view on this.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 09:30 AM   #7
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Re: ohhh what to do

Sophia, i agree with that. But those people were in "established" loving relationships. They were past the point of courtship, where the "attraction" is most important. If they were just dating and were deciding whether or not to pursue a relationship, I wonder what would have happened then. But it goes to show that the people that these survivors married, were the perfect choice, and its great how they stood by them.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 09:32 AM   #8
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Re: ohhh what to do

that's sweet and so true sophia...the people that do run off might be just a wee bit shallow...i told my hubby that i would stay with him if there was ever any accidents...with his career field it could happen and i just had to let him know that i'm here no matter what happens over there...
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Old 06-04-2004, 09:45 AM   #9
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Re: ohhh what to do

That's true, I see your point. The question is: would Christopher Reeves' wife have married him if she met him AFTER the accident? Or would that guy have married the 9/11 survivor woman had he met her AFTER the tragedy..Hard to say, in fact, impossible to say. But people do fall in love with other people with various disabilities and ailments, so everything is possible. Again, to use an example from a tv program, this was a true story about a woman who lost her leg to frostbite after she was buried by an avelanche in the mountains. Her boyfriend died and she survived but her leg had to be amputated. She did end up getting married to someone and having children and a very fulfilling life. I think everything is possible, even in the face of really bad odds stacked against someone.

 
Old 06-04-2004, 11:06 AM   #10
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Re: ohhh what to do

It is wrong that she left during that time but I don't think she should have the excuse on how she may have been affected by it. It is tragic on what happen to you and I can understand if she didn't even want to see you in the hospital. But this girl did see you in the hospital.

She stopped this when you were out. Now it sound to me that she is not the write GF to have and its good you found this out now. I hate people like this but I am thinking she only stayed with you while you were in the hospital so you wouldn't have to go through another thing and thats why she broke up when you got back.

Sad excuse isn't it

 
Old 06-04-2004, 05:04 PM   #11
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Re: ohhh what to do

ya she was at the hospital everday when i was there for 3 weeks. apperance wise i am the same just 10 lbs skinnier but still cute hehe... everything for me is going great physically and mentally.. ex. yesterday she went to magic mountain with her gf's which who she is all caught up with now and she likes to go out now kinda turning into a pary animal but not wild though that i know of.. so back to my story she called me and i didnt pick up and she called again like 5 min later and then she left me a nice message and then she called me again around 1130ish saying she couldnt sleep now that a first time for her to do something like this.. on my part im getting a lil mad on how she could do this to me so the next time i talk to her im gonna tell her that im not liking this.. opinions please

 
Old 06-05-2004, 09:01 AM   #12
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Re: ohhh what to do

ok yesterday i was really mad because of the fact that my xgf left me at this time but anyways so she called me yesterday and when i talked to her i told her if she doesnt come down and see me today not to ever call me again so she came down and we went to go eat and just hung out at my house.. she told me that she misses me and wants to get back together but not right now because she needs space.. so what you guys think? she told me right now the last thing she is looking for is a relationship.

 
Old 06-05-2004, 09:14 AM   #13
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Re: ohhh what to do

Quote:
Originally Posted by suggestions
ok yesterday i was really mad because of the fact that my xgf left me at this time but anyways so she called me yesterday and when i talked to her i told her if she doesnt come down and see me today not to ever call me again so she came down and we went to go eat and just hung out at my house.. she told me that she misses me and wants to get back together but not right now because she needs space.. so what you guys think? she told me right now the last thing she is looking for is a relationship.

She needs the space because her mind is confused on what she wants. Give her the space and if she comes back then great but if not then it will take some time to heal then eventually youll move on.

 
Old 06-05-2004, 09:21 AM   #14
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Re: ohhh what to do

hey, my name is michelle and in nov 2003 my newly wed husband was injured. and might has well been in a coma. he was bed ridden for 3 months. and to this day we still cant go places due to his walking. he has a herniated disk in his lower back. he was on pills after pills just to get an hour of sleep sometimes. Thus causing an Ulcer. Not only can he not get out of bed day after day, but cannot eat sweets greasy things or drink with his buddies time to time. I do everything around the house. i work my *** off cleaning cooking and working. not to mention takin care of him. helping him into the car. out of bed. in bed. I'm only 19 and he is only 22.
the point of this story is that...... IT SUCKS! to have to do all this for him day after day. To see the man i fell in love with only half here. and not knowing if i will EVER have HIM back. but i love this man. despite everything he is very smart and still sexy. i love him. and i think thats what true love really is... but i have no business telling you what love is or not. i think its different for everyone.

Last edited by yeaphereiam; 06-05-2004 at 09:21 AM.

 
Old 06-05-2004, 09:49 AM   #15
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develon HB User
Re: ohhh what to do

luckily i am doing good the only thing i can honestly say is messed up is my balance and the strength in my left leg can get improve but im workin on that... michelle that is great on what your doing, i just wish i could of had support like that.. ur bf is one lucky guy

 
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