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Old 06-09-2004, 01:52 PM   #1
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PetiteAM HB User
Driving myself crazy!

This is my first post and I've read some great advice so here goes! My bf and I have been together for 10 months, he broke up with his last gf of a year 6 months before we got together. Since the beginning she has called him at least once a week for stupid little things like reminding him to turn his clocks back etc. She's even written him letters telling him how much she still loves hims and is giving him the space he needs so she doesn't lose him. He has always been upfront about this, he has even let me listen to her messages and read her letters. It was annoying but I never let it bother me until about 2 months ago. First she has admitted to driving by his house and knocking on the door when I am there alone, she then calls him and screams at him because we are still together. Then last week he told me that she called him to make sure he was taking her to his friend's wedding!! When he said he wasn't he said she admitted to calling me at work and hanging up. He said she's been driving by his house almost every day so she knows when I'm there and when I'm not. Her plan was to call me to tell me she's been with him on the days I'm not there. I wondered why would she admit this to him if she's trying to get him back? A week later she called him 6 times in row because he would not answer his cellphone, he called her back but he talked to her outside the car for 25 minutes. He has never talked to her in front of me but I was upset that he left me sitting in the car while he had this conversation. He told me he changed his password on his computer so she called to find out why, apparently she's been hacking into his computer all this time. What bothers me is he doesn't get really mad at her, he said there is no point because she will keep calling anyway. I did catch him in a lie because I know his password and I can still log on with it. He has no idea I know it! I am now wondering if he is still seeing her??? There has been a handful of Friday nights where he suddenly has something to do all night. Am I reading way too much into this? Or do I have a good reason to be concerned? My gut tells me something just doesn't add up...any insight would be great as I am driving myself CRAZY!

 
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Old 06-09-2004, 02:05 PM   #2
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PeggyHarmon HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

your gut is probably right....likely.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 02:16 PM   #3
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CoreyP HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Yes, you have to put your foot down now. She is disrespecting you by doing this, and your boyfriend is doing the same by letting it happen. If you found out he was cheating on you on these friday nights would you leave him? It sounds really bad.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 02:21 PM   #4
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

It concerns me that he doesn't talk to her in front of you. I think if it were really over between them, any sane, rational guy with any backbone at all would be calling the police and getting a restraining order against her. I'd say even if he's not reciprocating her advances and attention, he still isn't doing anything at all to discourage her, which says that at the very least, he's very weak and spineless, and obviously doesn't care if this woman makes your life miserable. Does that really sound like someone you want to be involved with?

 
Old 06-09-2004, 02:26 PM   #5
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

At first from the post I sould have said that this girl is crazy and is harassing. Which in that event I would talk to her about it then seek police action if she continued. You could get a restraining order to protect thing.

The situation is a little different now. There is that slight chance he may be seeing her. He lied to you once about the password and god knows what else. You should give him a scare and ask him why he didn't change it and maybe follow him on a Friday night or have a friend follow.

Its hard to tell what is going on because if he was still seeing her he would be smart enough to tell her to stop calling there so she doesn't ruin the secretness. Or again she could be doing it because he is promising her that he will leave and isn't. He can't have it both ways. Best bet is maybe to have someone follow him but call him on the password so he know that you are on to him.

Goodluck

 
Old 06-09-2004, 02:44 PM   #6
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
Best bet is maybe to have someone follow him but call him on the password so he know that you are on to him.

Goodluck
With all due respect, I'm going to have to disagree a little bit here, Jeff. I think that once you're at a point where you have to sneak around and follow him around and wait outside for him to come home and stuff like that, the relationship is already so far off course that it's not healthy. It's hard to say whether this guy is still seeing her, not actually seeing her but encouraging her in some way, or is just a plain weak wimp, but in any case, he sounds like someone who would not make a good partner for Petite. I think she should just cut her losses and get out. Life's too short to put up with being harrassed by some psycho hose beast and have him sit idly by doing nothing about it.

Last edited by Ninispjc; 06-09-2004 at 02:45 PM.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 02:54 PM   #7
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ninispjc
With all due respect, I'm going to have to disagree a little bit here, Jeff. I think that once you're at a point where you have to sneak around and follow him around and wait outside for him to come home and stuff like that, the relationship is already so far off course that it's not healthy. It's hard to say whether this guy is still seeing her, not actually seeing her but encouraging her in some way, or is just a plain weak wimp, but in any case, he sounds like someone who would not make a good partner for Petite. I think she should just cut her losses and get out. Life's too short to put up with being harrassed by some psycho hose beast and have him sit idly by doing nothing about it.
I have said this in other post and I am against the sneaking around BUT if that is the last option then your gonna have to do it.

He lied to her once allready about change the password. All of a sudden he wants to go out more on Fridays and now this crazy ex. is saying she is going to say that they have been haning while the poster is at work.

Truethfully its hard to tell what is going on here. I really don't know what is going on here because my mind says no he is not because he has been truethful about it and this is a rageing ex. But the other side is saying he could be and this ex. is on the verge to tell the truth.

The poster doesn't know who to believe. This crazy ex saying yes they are(which may be truth) and the boyfriend is saying "no, hunny believe me". What choices does she have at this piont? I would say somthing about the pass word but if little things keep poping up then its time to play the spy.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 02:56 PM   #8
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CoreyP HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
I have said this in other post and I am against the sneaking around BUT if that is the last option then your gonna have to do it.

He lied to her once allready about change the password. All of a sudden he wants to go out more on Fridays and now this crazy ex. is saying she is going to say that they have been haning while the poster is at work.

Truethfully its hard to tell what is going on here. I really don't know what is going on here because my mind says no he is not because he has been truethful about it and this is a rageing ex. But the other side is saying he could be and this ex. is on the verge to tell the truth.

The poster doesn't know who to believe. This crazy ex saying yes they are(which may be truth) and the boyfriend is saying "no, hunny believe me". What choices does she have at this piont? I would say somthing about the pass word but if little things keep poping up then its time to play the spy.
She meant that its never time to play the spy, if you lose that much trust then it is time to leave the relationship, I agree with that.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 02:59 PM   #9
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
The poster doesn't know who to believe. This crazy ex saying yes they are(which may be truth) and the boyfriend is saying "no, hunny believe me". What choices does she have at this piont? I would say somthing about the pass word but if little things keep poping up then its time to play the spy.
Well, I guess it all depends on how much you want to invest in the relationship. Personally, I wouldn't waste my time. He doesn't sound like he's worth all that bother. He's most likely a liar, and he's definitely a spineless coward, so why even bother? So she plays spy and finds out that a) he's been lying and has been sleeping with his ex the whole time or b) he's been telling the truth, so the relationship goes on as it is, with this psycho ex making life miserable for her and him sitting on his hands helpless like a jellyfish. What's the payoff?

 
Old 06-09-2004, 03:00 PM   #10
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CoreyP HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Yes, Big loser any way you cut it. Don't waste your spy money.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 03:02 PM   #11
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
She meant that its never time to play the spy, if you lose that much trust then it is time to leave the relationship, I agree with that.

I see that but a lot of people don't want to take that route because they denicated time to the relationship and don't want to loose the partner if they are wrong.

Please don't get this wrong but its easy for single people to say that. I am not going to spy on my GF but I am not going to leave her if I feel she is cheating. Once I find out then that will be it. There are a lot of things that lead up to cheating for signs. If a lot of these signs are visible and I am still getting lies I will have to do reasearch.

CoreyP if I remember right you got rid of a GF because she was testing you. You didn't want to deal with that anymore. But you have develope that sense just to leave if you can't trust them. I understand and respect that but I love my GF and I want to know 100% the trueth before I just said goodbye.

Its just hard to predict your actions until you are in that situation. Thats the way I feel

Last edited by eightball61; 06-09-2004 at 03:03 PM.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 03:06 PM   #12
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CoreyP HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
I see that but a lot of people don't want to take that route because they denicated time to the relationship and don't want to loose the partner if they are wrong.

Please don't get this wrong but its easy for single people to say that. I am not going to spy on my GF but I am not going to leave her if I feel she is cheating. Once I find out then that will be it. There are a lot of things that lead up to cheating for signs. If a lot of these signs are visible and I am still getting lies I will have to do reasearch.

CoreyP if I remember right you got rid of a GF because she was testing you. You didn't want to deal with that anymore. But you have develope that sense just to leave if you can't trust them. I understand and respect that but I love my GF and I want to know 100% the trueth before I just said goodbye.

Its just hard to predict your actions until you are in that situation. Thats the way I feel
You have a good memory Jeff. I am a person that thinks, that if you don't trust your GF or BF, 100 percent. Then you are not with the right person. You should feel confident in any relationship. Guilty or Not.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 03:10 PM   #13
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by CoreyP
You have a good memory Jeff. I am a person that thinks, that if you don't trust your GF or BF, 100 percent. Then you are not with the right person. You should feel confident in any relationship. Guilty or Not.

My memory isn't that great but I remembered that because I was wishing I had you attitude sometimes because it would help me to stick up for myself more....lol
I am the guy that say "its ok"....lol


I see your point and respect it to the fullest. I kinda feel that way also but for me if this happen in this relationship I want to know my facts.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 03:12 PM   #14
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CoreyP HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Jeff, even single people can have an idea on what a good relationship should be. I have been in a few relationships, and if it ever got to the point of hiring a spy, I would leave, I assure you of that.

 
Old 06-09-2004, 03:12 PM   #15
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Driving myself crazy!

Quote:
Originally Posted by eightball61
I see that but a lot of people don't want to take that route because they denicated time to the relationship and don't want to loose the partner if they are wrong.

Please don't get this wrong but its easy for single people to say that. I am not going to spy on my GF but I am not going to leave her if I feel she is cheating. Once I find out then that will be it. There are a lot of things that lead up to cheating for signs. If a lot of these signs are visible and I am still getting lies I will have to do reasearch.
Believe me, it's not easy for me to say, and I stayed through a lot of stuff I never thought I would in my last relationship, but I think the bottom line is that you have to have some self respect. This is more than just an issue of is he cheating on her or not? If it were just that one issue, I might be inclined to agree with you more. But there's a bigger issue she's dealing with here. she has a crazy woman calling her at work, disturbing and harrassing her, driving by the house watching her when she's there, etc. This woman has no sense of boundaries. She has crossed the line as far as what is socially acceptable behavior. She's become a menace to this girl, and her boyfriend refuses to do anything about it. He's on a date with her and makes her sit and wait in the car while he talks to this crazy woman for almost half an hour? Let's put the shoe on the other foot, Jeff. You say you love your girlfriend. What would you do if an ex of yours decided it wasn't over and started calling your current girlfriend at work and hanging up on her? If this ex started driving by your house and waiting outside and watching your girlfriend, maybe even following her home? Calling your cell while you're out with your girlfriend and demanding you have a 30 minute conversation with her? Would you just shrug and tell your current girlfriend "oh well, nothing I can do, she'll just keep calling anyway"? Is that the response of a loving, committed boyfriend?

 
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