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Old 06-10-2004, 04:16 AM   #1
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lamal3 HB User
How fast is too fast?

I just recently went out with this girl whom I work with. I posted a thread on how to get the girl. I did finally get the girl but it seems as though she seems to move very fast. When I mean fast I mean she already wants to hold my hand, kiss me, and she even let me touch her. What kind of signals does this give me? I mean does she want to sleep with me already? We've already had two dates and I expected things to progress alot slower. I want this relationship to last real long and I feel that if we move too fast we might break up. Does anybody know why someone would want to move so fast in a relationship? Is this signal a good one or a bad one?

 
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Old 06-10-2004, 05:30 AM   #2
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Well, how slow do you wanna go? She let you touch her? Like she took your hand and guided it towards her or did your hand all by itself just started wandering and wondering? This is important stuff we need to know. Speaking of hands, that holding hands on a second dateÖ now that really really bothers me. That is totally unacceptable. Youíre scaring me! Thatís marriage material.

I donít know for sure what kind of signals all that means, but you can be sure she likes you very much. Donít confuse this with love though. Thatís going to take a lot more time and include more... holding hands!.

You obviously have a different view from her on how fast a relationship should progress. I canít tell you if her actions is a good sign or not without really knowing each of you, but in my opinion, if you donít get off the porch and start running with her, you stand a higher chance of breaking up than the other way around.

Just go with the flow man, or better yet follow her lead, cause in my opinion, you are moving too darn slow for her at the pace you are trying to set.

 
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Old 06-10-2004, 07:34 AM   #3
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

I say we allow this guy his values and morals and help him figure out what it is he's asking about!!
Alot of women in the 90's and 00's are on a much faster track physically because society has made being physically intimate not as important as it used to be. (of course it wasn't that important back in the 70's either, but think more along the 50's line before birth control etc)
Try just telling her that you want to enjoy some time just getting to know each other as a person and as a friend before being so physically involved.
To be honest, most women will assume the guy is on a faster track physically than they are and many will get physical before THEY really want to.

The other thing to keep in mind is that if having an intimate relationship within the first month is on this girl's agenda maybe she's just not the right one for you! That's what dating is for, to find out whether someone has the qualities you are looking for in a relationship.

I think it's nice for a change to hear from someone who doesn't act like sex in the first few months of meeting someone is par for the course!

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 06-10-2004 at 07:35 AM.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 08:55 AM   #4
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eightball61 HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Quote:
Originally Posted by lamal3
I just recently went out with this girl whom I work with. I posted a thread on how to get the girl. I did finally get the girl but it seems as though she seems to move very fast. When I mean fast I mean she already wants to hold my hand, kiss me, and she even let me touch her. What kind of signals does this give me? I mean does she want to sleep with me already? We've already had two dates and I expected things to progress alot slower. I want this relationship to last real long and I feel that if we move too fast we might break up. Does anybody know why someone would want to move so fast in a relationship? Is this signal a good one or a bad one?

Kissing and holding hands doesn't mean that she may want to sleep with you. This girl may just like you a lot and wants to show her affection with doing these things.

Its great to hear that you guys are going out and getting along great but don't sweat if she is holding your hand. This is grade school anymore where couples took time to hold hands. If you are a little slower than her then don't worry...just go at your flow.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 09:03 AM   #5
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joeyrose HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
Try just telling her that you want to enjoy some time just getting to know each other as a person and as a friend before being so physically involved.
Well, that is a sure way to lose her! It sounds like rejection.

I don't know how old you (original poster) are, but in this day and age, women and girls are on a much faster track that the one you mention. Look at TV and what we are all exposed to. Holding hands on a second date, if you really like someone, is so NOT a big deal. It's a way to connect without doing anything untoward. Kissing, too, is totally ok. As for touching, you didn't say which parts of her. If you are a morally grounded teenager, then perhaps being unready for this might make sense. But if you are of age, I don't understand it at all. If you are the type to wait a long time and she isn't, she will take that as disinterest and your future with her will not be.

Last edited by joeyrose; 06-10-2004 at 09:04 AM.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 09:21 AM   #6
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SophiaM HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Quote:
Originally Posted by joeyrose
Well, that is a sure way to lose her! It sounds like rejection.
I agree that giving her this speech will sound like a rejection. Besides, I think you're really overinterpreting things. Just because she let you hold her hand on a second date and kissed you doesn't mean she wants to jump into bed with you! You're getting way ahead of yourself. Also, what's this stuff about being puzzled that she let you touch her? What do you mean? If you're so "moral" and conservative, how did the touching happen? Like Hoop pointed out, did the girl just take your hand and forced you to touch her? Touch her where? Ok, don't answer that, I'm not that curious after all. But if you want to take things slow in the physical department, it's good, just don't spell it out for her. Just enjoying the hold-handing and kissing for a while and stop touching her in controversial places, for God's sake!

 
Old 06-10-2004, 09:22 AM   #7
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Gee, I wouldn't feel rejected by a man that wanted to get to know ME, rather than just hopping in the sack. I'd feel pretty special.
(Guess I'm still trying to say that everyone's values & ethics are different. Mine are more like the original member's is all.)

 
Old 06-10-2004, 09:27 AM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Quote:
Originally Posted by joeyrose
But if you are of age, I don't understand it at all. If you are the type to wait a long time and she isn't, she will take that as disinterest and your future with her will not be.
You are right about people make quicker moves today because of the display of it but again he he may be on the slower edge. Either he dated slower girls in the past or hadn't had much this girl is somthing he never expected. It is reality and he will have to take his own pace for it. Some people want to show public affect and some don't. As we see here everyone show this differently and goes at different speeds.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 09:31 AM   #9
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SophiaM HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
Gee, I wouldn't feel rejected by a man that wanted to get to know ME, rather than just hopping in the sack. I'd feel pretty special.
(Guess I'm still trying to say that everyone's values & ethics are different. Mine are more like the original member's is all.)
No, no, I don't mean to say that I think it's advisable to get physically involved so soon. What I meant that, first, his speech will sound very presumptuous (and arrogant) if the girl only wanted to hold hands and kiss and he was thinking she wanted to have sex with him. Second, since we're conditioned that a man asks a woman on a date because, at least in the beginning, he finds her physically attractive, giving her this speech will look strange. She will interpret it as if he wasn't physically attracted to her. I would find it strange, in any case. All I'm saying it, take it slow in the physical department without delivering this explanation. It will be a lot less awkward, in my opinion.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 09:50 AM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
All I'm saying it, take it slow in the physical department without delivering this explanation. It will be a lot less awkward, in my opinion.

Thats what I am trying to saying...Thanks

 
Old 06-10-2004, 10:07 AM   #11
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Maybe I'm not getting a real picture of the aggressiveness quotient.
I was reading that she was being way too physically agrressive for him.
Everyone is different - he sounds more old fashioned than most.
Maybe we need more details - except then this would get kicked off the Relationship Boards!!

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 06-10-2004 at 10:08 AM.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 10:14 AM   #12
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eightball61 HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
Everyone is different - he sounds more old fashioned than most.

Everyone is different and moves at different speeds. The other thing is he may never had a GF that moved at this pace. It seems to me that he is unawear and wants to know how to react but I could be wrong .

Last edited by eightball61; 06-10-2004 at 10:28 AM.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 10:19 AM   #13
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

You have truly earned the badge of "Peacemaker" on that round!!

 
Old 06-10-2004, 10:28 AM   #14
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eightball61 HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth6:11
You have truly earned the badge of "Peacemaker" on that round!!


Good call Ruth

Last edited by eightball61; 06-10-2004 at 10:28 AM.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 09:03 PM   #15
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realguy HB User
Re: How fast is too fast?

Ask her what she wants.Tell her your feelings afterwards.If they match ,then go forward.Try not to be to assuming about her wanting to move fast.
Be careful,you do work with her .Your reputation at work is at stake.If it doesn"t work out then you will have to deal with her later.

 
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