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Old 06-10-2004, 07:26 AM   #1
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kbell HB User
objective opinions please

I tend to overreact sometimes so I'm interested to see what people have to say. I've been dating the same person for over 8 months now. We love each other and have told each other so. After the fact, he told me that a friend of his (female) slept in his bed with him. They've been friends for a long time and she has a boyfriend. I've never met her and know very little about her. I told him I was not comfortable with him sharing his bed with someone else even if its only sleeping. It makes things awkward and wierd for me. He thinks its not that big a deal. Thoughts?

 
Old 06-10-2004, 07:42 AM   #2
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maak823 HB User
Re: objective opinions please

Did you tell him that it bothered you? If you did then he should respect that in the future and sleep on the couch. There are many M/F friendships that are totally platonic, however; there is always that "what if" factor that hangs in the back of your mind. SO, I would let it go this time, just express to him that it does make you uncomfortable, since you do not know her- or suggest that you all go out sometime and get to know each other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by kbell
I tend to overreact sometimes so I'm interested to see what people have to say. I've been dating the same person for over 8 months now. We love each other and have told each other so. After the fact, he told me that a friend of his (female) slept in his bed with him. They've been friends for a long time and she has a boyfriend. I've never met her and know very little about her. I told him I was not comfortable with him sharing his bed with someone else even if its only sleeping. It makes things awkward and wierd for me. He thinks its not that big a deal. Thoughts?

 
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Old 06-10-2004, 07:48 AM   #3
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eightball61 HB User
Re: objective opinions please

Her Kbell


This goes back to some of the threads about trusting. Now, for would never be happy with the fact my GF slept in a bed with another man(friend or not). I would not do that myself because that is just being inconsiderate for the other person.

He has a lot of balls to sleep in the same bed with a female friend. Even if nothing happened there are other spots to sleep like a couch or even a floor. If he wanted her to be comfortable then he should have let her have the bed and him get the couch.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 07:51 AM   #4
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: objective opinions please

When did the female friend sleep in his bed? Before you or somewhere in the past 8 months of seeing you?

 
Old 06-10-2004, 07:53 AM   #5
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hillaryb HB User
Re: objective opinions please

you know, i need to quit visiting this board. I am appalled by the bs things that go on in some of these relationships. NO, I dont think I would be cool with my boyfriend sharing his bed with his female friend. And no, I dont even see a need to back up that statement with reasons because, Hello???lolSo lets go down the list here: No, its not something I would expect my boyfriend to do, or let him do. No, you are not out of line for feeling that way. No, you shouldnt even have to EXPLAIN why you dont like it (duh!) and NO, no way I would date a guy who would continue that practice. People like to explain away these behaviors by eluding to "gray areas" in behaviors in a relationship. I tend to see in black and white: Honey, while you are dating me, you will not be sharing a bed with another female. Just another classic case of: "I am engaging in this suspicious behavior for reasons other than what you may think because I am so complex, sometimes i have to stay out all night and return the next day, sometimes I feel the need to bed down with my female friends, and sometimes women call the house but im totally not cheating". If it walks like a duck, and looks like a duck, Its a DUCK!!!Im either jaded or way too sunburned from the pool.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 07:58 AM   #6
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SophiaM HB User
Re: objective opinions please

Quote:
Originally Posted by kbell
I tend to overreact sometimes so I'm interested to see what people have to say. I've been dating the same person for over 8 months now. We love each other and have told each other so. After the fact, he told me that a friend of his (female) slept in his bed with him. They've been friends for a long time and she has a boyfriend. I've never met her and know very little about her. I told him I was not comfortable with him sharing his bed with someone else even if its only sleeping. It makes things awkward and wierd for me. He thinks its not that big a deal. Thoughts?
Did this "pajama party" happen before or after you found the stockings in his drawer that supposedly an exgirlfriend left behind? I'm curious.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 08:10 AM   #7
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eightball61 HB User
Re: objective opinions please

Quote:
Originally Posted by hillarybash
you know, i need to quit visiting this board. I am appalled by the bs things that go on in some of these relationships. NO, I dont think I would be cool with my boyfriend sharing his bed with his female friend. And no, I dont even see a need to back up that statement with reasons because, Hello???lolSo lets go down the list here: No, its not something I would expect my boyfriend to do, or let him do. No, you are not out of line for feeling that way. No, you shouldnt even have to EXPLAIN why you dont like it (duh!) and NO, no way I would date a guy who would continue that practice. People like to explain away these behaviors by eluding to "gray areas" in behaviors in a relationship. I tend to see in black and white: Honey, while you are dating me, you will not be sharing a bed with another female. Just another classic case of: "I am engaging in this suspicious behavior for reasons other than what you may think because I am so complex, sometimes i have to stay out all night and return the next day, sometimes I feel the need to bed down with my female friends, and sometimes women call the house but im totally not cheating". If it walks like a duck, and looks like a duck, Its a DUCK!!!Im either jaded or way too sunburned from the pool.
Big thumbs up

 
Old 06-10-2004, 08:25 AM   #8
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maak823 HB User
Re: objective opinions please

Ok, I guess I can see two sides to this- I have had male friends all my life- and we have been out too late and came in flopped on the bed and SLEPT- nothing more nothing less. My BF knows darn good and well that there is NOTHING happening with them and he is the only one for me.
So, I guess it all comes down to how much you can trust each other.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 08:30 AM   #9
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Red Velvet HB User
Re: objective opinions please

My boyfriend used to sleep with his girl roomates when he was in university. They would come to his bed, and they both had boyfriends. Not my cup of tea, but I know he would never do it now. We just had a discussion about one of his girlfriends who wanted to come stay a week with him alone. She is engaged, but has been regularily cheating on her man. I told him I would not be comfortable with it, especially due to the fact that she has been trying to get in his pants (although he doesn't see it ). So he has respected my wishes, and I know he will. This is not so much about trust, as it is about being a boyfriend. Especially if this is occuring on a regular basis. If you are uncomfortable with it, tell him so and if he doesn't respect your wishes, I suggest you consider what other things came/ can come up where reasonable requests by you were not fulfilled.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 08:34 AM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: objective opinions please

Quote:
Originally Posted by maak823
Ok, I guess I can see two sides to this- I have had male friends all my life- and we have been out too late and came in flopped on the bed and SLEPT- nothing more nothing less. My BF knows darn good and well that there is NOTHING happening with them and he is the only one for me.
So, I guess it all comes down to how much you can trust each other.

Trust is very important but every relationship is different. I personally would not allow it. There are other places to sleep than the same bed. I slept in a bath tub at a party once after being asked if I wanted to sleep in the same best with my old best friend. I was just uncomfortable about it and didn't do it.

Last edited by eightball61; 06-10-2004 at 08:36 AM.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 08:48 AM   #11
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elatedgiraffe HB User
Re: objective opinions please

You have every right to not be okay with this. In college, I often slept in bed with my guy friends and nothing happened, so it can be platonic. However, I was not in a relationship when doing so. An ex-boyfriend told me once that he felt that sleeping in a bed together is more intimate than actual sex. Now, I don't fully agree with that but I use this as an example of how extreme people may agree with you. Platonic or not, IT IS NOT OKAY. How would he feel if you were sleeping with your guy friend's bed. Did this happen once or all the time? I think you need to make it clear to him that it is not cool with you and he should respect your feelings. It should be easy for him to cut out the slumber parties for you if nothing is going on. Don't in anyway let him make you feel like you are overreacting!

 
Old 06-10-2004, 08:57 AM   #12
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kbell HB User
Re: objective opinions please

It's good to know we're all on the same page. As I wrote upfront, I tend to overreact so I was just curious to hear others thoughts on the subject. Thanks!

 
Old 06-10-2004, 09:00 AM   #13
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eightball61 HB User
Re: objective opinions please

Quote:
Originally Posted by kbell
It's good to know we're all on the same page. As I wrote upfront, I tend to overreact so I was just curious to hear others thoughts on the subject. Thanks!

I overreact a lot myself but in situations like this then do are doing what is right. I overreact if my GF said she hung out with a guy. The first thing that hit my mind is did she cheat. I would be domb enough to come out with something like this before hearing the whole story.

After a while in a relationship we begin to see the signs our mates do when they lie. So when someone is telling you something you can get a feeling but seeing there signs but a person like me just jumps ahead...I overreact to.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 09:01 AM   #14
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SophiaM HB User
Re: objective opinions please

Quote:
Originally Posted by kbell
It's good to know we're all on the same page. As I wrote upfront, I tend to overreact so I was just curious to hear others thoughts on the subject. Thanks!
No, I don't think you tend to overreact at all. You tend to make excuses for your boyfriend's highly suspicious behavior.

 
Old 06-10-2004, 11:25 AM   #15
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GirlHarley HB User
Re: objective opinions please

Quote:
Originally Posted by SophiaM
No, I don't think you tend to overreact at all. You tend to make excuses for your boyfriend's highly suspicious behavior.
That was a good Sophia...
BUT hey...KBELL, you didn't answer us - was this before or after you started to see one another?

 
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