Hi vintagegirl - How could you not know? Your his fling girl - He's keeping you as his lay girl and your allowing it but I'm Surprised you didn't know.
If you want more from this guy - you have nothing to lose by speaking up or emailing him and tell him or just ignore his emails and I'm sure he'll move along to some other chick.
You said it yourself- if he wanted more he would.
Dump him and move on- he's using you.
I don't want to be one of those girls that a guy keeps in the wings for a lay...is this what this is? I've never been easy...the only reason I fooled around with him again was because he is someone that I really liked, and I guess, still do like. I would think that if he wanted more, he would be in contact more...[/QUOTE]
... we hardly ever fool around... We've emailed every few weeks for the past year about non sexual stuff. I am just confused by the timing...I would think that a guy who was using me would be more persistent re: getting togehter during these emails...but on the contrary, he's very reserved. Out of the blue he will just say, i'd like to see you...when can I see you? We are not long distance, I just don't want to jump to the wrong conclusions. I have always thought of us as friends with "possibilities".
Everyone is right here about you being the fling girl. You mentioned that you hardley fooled around but inbetween those periods you both dont talk he may be with another girl and after that ends then you are the rebound.
This has happened a few times allready. I can see he went away once and wanted back in but for him to keep on doing it doesn't say much for him. This guy is a dog....He may be nice to you personality wise but look at what he is doing here. He is playing mind tricks and you are confused about it.
You need to do somthing that he doesn't exspect from you and that is telling him that you are not a toy and you don't want your feeling being played around. You are human...and not a blow up toy. Its either he wants a relationship with you or he doesn't. ..whats is it going to be?
... we hardly ever fool around... We've emailed every few weeks for the past year about non sexual stuff. I am just confused by the timing...I would think that a guy who was using me would be more persistent re: getting togehter during these emails...but on the contrary, he's very reserved. Out of the blue he will just say, i'd like to see you...when can I see you? We are not long distance, I just don't want to jump to the wrong conclusions. I have always thought of us as friends with "possibilities".
You got me confused then....Was he dating someone else or seeing someone while you were emailing one another? He doesn't have to be persistent in getting together with you if he has other woman on the otherside - he can be keeping you and other woman. How much do you really know this guy?
If you don't want to jump to the wrong conclusions why can't you just ask him what his intentions are with you? Are you friends? Does he want more then friendship with you? WE don't know - I guess you need to give us more details on how do you know him and what are the emails about.
Our emails are basically pleasant, get-to-know-one-another emails... although I tend to share a lot more of myself than he does. I do not know if he was/is dating anyone else...I never asked, he never volunteered. I'm sure he did, I have too. No one mentioned exclusivity. I guess what confuses me is...*why we are keeping in touch regularly but are not seeing each other regularly.* I don't think that he is letting me down easy...if he were, why would he be saying encouraging things to me? That would only serve to tie the rope tighter around his neck if he were trying to break away....furthermore, if he were trying to break away, why would he even respond/intiate? I can ask him, I just wanted to feel this out with all of you, first.
This guy totally sounds like a guy I was "seeing". During this time we kept in touch for 3 years. It was not long distance either. We would e-mail here and there and then out of the blue "Hey, want to get together". We would, then nothing. After a couple weeks, e-mails again--sometimes it would go on for months, then "Hey, want to get together". It was weird, but I didn't have expectations or even my heart into this guy. It was very well him as it was me. He would always show up in between relationships "Hey, want to get together". He was a nice, good looking, educated guy. I was using him, just as he was using me. My point is, this guy is not interested in a relationship with you. He gets lonely/horny and he knows you will be there to take care of it. Sorry so blunt. Does not mean hes a bad guy, but if YOU are looking for more then stop this "getting together" asap, otherwise he'll break your heart.
Its just a booty call and if thats not what you want, MOVE ON.
Our emails are basically pleasant, get-to-know-one-another emails... although I tend to share a lot more of myself than he does. I do not know if he was/is dating anyone else...I never asked, he never volunteered. I'm sure he did, I have too. No one mentioned exclusivity. I guess what confuses me is...*why we are keeping in touch regularly but are not seeing each other regularly.* I don't think that he is letting me down easy...if he were, why would he be saying encouraging things to me? That would only serve to tie the rope tighter around his neck if he were trying to break away....furthermore, if he were trying to break away, why would he even respond/intiate? I can ask him, I just wanted to feel this out with all of you, first.
You say you hardley fool around, he contacts when he want to hang, and see how you are doing. I am getting the hint here maybe you are just considered as a distant friend that he wants to see every now and then or maybe he does had a hidden liking for you but not once you both have shared those feelings so it may give him the hint that you don't like him like that.
This guy totally sounds like a guy I was "seeing". During this time we kept in touch for 3 years. It was not long distance either. We would e-mail here and there and then out of the blue "Hey, want to get together". We would, then nothing. After a couple weeks, e-mails again--sometimes it would go on for months, then "Hey, want to get together". It was weird, but I didn't have expectations or even my heart into this guy. It was very well him as it was me. He would always show up in between relationships "Hey, want to get together". He was a nice, good looking, educated guy. I was using him, just as he was using me. My point is, this guy is not interested in a relationship with you. He gets lonely/horny and he knows you will be there to take care of it. Sorry so blunt. Does not mean hes a bad guy, but if YOU are looking for more then stop this "getting together" asap, otherwise he'll break your heart.
Its just a booty call and if thats not what you want, MOVE ON.
I'm thinking the same thing, you said it very well....
Ditto. lol. You are a booty call, for sure. I guarantee you if you ended the "fooling around" the emails would stop. I know you dont want to see it that way as it means you have been used and you are probably feeling pretty humiliated, but its best to take whatever dignity you have left and find someone who really cares about you. Did this guy ever even take you out, or was it all about meeting somewhere where its easy to have sex? Elatedgiraffe said it best about making things more complicated than they really are. We do that to protect ourselves from the truth...
Quite frankly, I don't feel humiliated at all. We go out in public when we get together, not just some place to get busy. The long lapses between meetings in contrast to the frequency of our online communication is what has me confused.
Last edited by vintagegirl; 06-11-2004 at 02:10 PM.
Quite frankly, I don't feel humiliated at all. We go out in public when we get together, not just some place to get busy. The long lapses between meetings in contrast to the frequency of our online communication is what has me confused.
Get together and communicate in person. See what he wants out of this relationship and tell him you are no longer wanted to be this person that he thinks of when he is lonely.
The long lapses between meetings in contrast to the frequency of our online communication is what has me confused.
Just because he talks to online does not mean that we wants a relationship with you. The long lapses? When hes lonely/horny he "gets together with you" . He goes down his list and thinks "I'll give vintage girl a call". I don't understand whats confusing for you?
What's confusing me? We've gone from emailing every few weeks to every week and they are becoming more affectionate on his part...so where's my invite? I guess maybe I should just invite... I just like for men to be the ones...(sorry guys) I would think a *REAL* dog would be asking to get together more frequently if he knew I was a sure thing... Why would a man increase communication, then do nothing about it? That does'nt make sense.
Last edited by vintagegirl; 06-12-2004 at 09:50 AM.
What's confusing me? We've gone from emailing every few weeks to every week and they are becoming more affectionate on his part...so where's my invite? I guess maybe I should just invite... I just like for men to be the ones...(sorry guys) I would think a *REAL* dog would be asking to get together more frequently if he knew I was a sure thing... Why would a man increase communication, then do nothing about it? That does'nt make sense.
"Secret attraction" is a good word for it. He like you but to shy to show it. It is possible you are the buddy on the side but you need to find that out. Get together and ask these questions.
Its either he wants a relationship with you or he doesn't. ..whats is it going to be?
sometimes things are not as complex as we make them. 
