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Old 06-11-2004, 03:03 PM   #1
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Falynsmommy HB User
Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

Okay, here's the deal. My husband has worked at a large factory for almost 4 years. He has always wanted to move up in position, such as to team leader and managerial positions. Every time he had the opportunity, he went out for these positions, and every time he was turned down for one reason or another. Most of the reasons were unfair, and I'm not just saying that because he's my husband. They would tell him he needed to learn more about the different departments, then hire a manager off the street. That's why I say unfair reasons.

For over two years this went on. Them telling him to learn more, so he moved from department to department. Them telling him to read certain books so he did. Them telling him to take business classes so he even did that. Still he was turned down. I don't work there so I have no idea how he performs his job, therefore I have no idea what the REAL reason could be of why he was continually turned down. According to a very good friend of ours who is a manager there, there was no reason why they should have kept turning my husband down, other than they must just not like him. Who knows. After being turned down many many times, something happened where he was put in a situation of turning someone in for doing something wrong, and that person getting fired. He did the right thing by turning this person in, but the majority of the employees started hating him, and it ruined his chances of EVER becoming management.

Okay, since he found out that he has no chance whatsoever, he has become extremely unhappy with his job. I can understand this, but I think he needs to understand that the actual job hasn't changed, it's his attitude that has changed. He wants to find another job as soon as possible, even if it means taking a 4 or 5 dollar an hour pay cut.

Here's the dilemma. We are both 28 (me, almost), and have an 8 year old daughter and a 6 week old daughter. We also have a mortgage and all the bills that go along with being an adult. Cars, utilities, etc. I am a cosmetologist and am going back to work on Tuesday from maternity leave, but my job does not pay much, and I have no benefits. In the town we live in, the job he has pays better than almost anything else he could find. He has decent benefits also. As it is, even when I work full time, we live paycheck to paycheck like most people. Right now we are behind on bills and are desperately trying to catch them up. My car was recently totaled in the storms as well, so now we have to get another one. We have a new baby. I don't see how he thinks we could afford to take a 4 or 5 dollar an hour pay cut. He uses the excuse that since we quit smoking (a little over a month ago) that we are saving $400.00 a month. This is true but we are still behind on our major bills and taking a pay cut is not going to help that.

I don't want him to be unhappy. I want him to have a job that he at least likes, but the problem is, he has always had trouble with jobs in the past. He has worked at almost every place in town from the time he was 16 and that is not an exaggeration. Every time something happens that ticks him off at a job, he's suddenly "done" with that job. Mind you he has been really good with his current job, and has worked there alot longer than any other job he has ever had. He has grown up alot since we have been together, which is about 5 years now. (He legally adopted "our" oldest daughter)

We don't spend our money on going out, we don't have frivolous bills such as numerous credit cards or furniture payments, things like that. We are hard working people just trying to get ahead. We are also thinking of selling the place we live now and moving, but due to certain circumstances, our mortgage payment would go up at least 50 to 100 dollars a month. We had a long talk the other night about all this and I told him all this, but he wants me to be more sympathetic about him being unhappy at his job. I was at first but now that is all he talks about. It gets old hearing it all the time. Especially since I don't know what to tell him since we can't afford to take a pay cut. He has taken his test trying to be a corrections officer at a local prison, which would be an excellent job, he just hasn't heard anything yet. He has also expressed interest in wanting to be a cop, but I don't know if I could deal with being married to a cop. I did call the other day though and found out they are not accepting applications right now. Also, moving is out of the question as both of our families live here and I won't move away from them.

He has also been scaring me with talk about starting his own business. This scares me because I know for one the things he's mentioned he has no passion for, and for two, this town is overrun with "small businesses" like he's talking about and would make no money for years, if at all. There is just too much competition. I told him if he wants to pursue that route, at least go into something he has a passion about. The problem is, he would have to go back to school, which is nearly impossible right now.


I want him to be happy, I just don't know what to tell him. Seriously there are very few jobs around where he could make the same amount of money without schooling. He would love to go back to school but with me going back to work and us having a new baby, it's almost impossible right now. Am I being unreasonable? Is he? Anyone have any suggestions, questions, comments, advice? Anything would be appreciated. I don't want to be an unsupportive wife but I also know we have to support our kids and pay our bills. Someone please help. Thanks and sorry this is so lengthy.

 
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Old 06-11-2004, 07:48 PM   #2
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Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

He is a person who can't deal with pressure or anger easily so he take the easy route outby saying he is done. You have pressured him on trying to succeed in this current job but he has fail. Today it doesn't matter what books you read its who you know and what type of educational background you have.

This job sounds like the ne he should keep for a while. I don't suggest opening up a business unless you look at the economy around you and thinking it may succeed. Like I said he is a easy quiter and if his own business gets to him he will just shut it down and you just lost all that money.

Don't push him to get any higher righ now. He has a job that covers most of your bills. Pushing him would just make him more angry and he will just give up. Be a little more supportive by saying you will have you chance to get higher. Let him save at the job he is at and then he will beable to go back to school. With that school he may get more ahead in this job.

He can't become a manager just working there for a year. Most places he has to learn a lot of the areas before moving up. A lot of companies allow employees to job shadow. See if he can job shadow different areas to get to know the business, thenhe can go to school, and then eventually grow.

 
Old 06-11-2004, 08:05 PM   #3
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Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

First off, thanks for the reply, but I think you misunderstood me. I didn't and haven't pressured him to move up in his job. That's what HE wants. It doesn't matter to me what position he has, whether he's the lowest man on the totem pole, or the highest.

At this company, you CAN become a manager after only a year. They hire people to be managers off the street who have no experience or knowledge whatsoever of this company and the way things work. That's why we know the real reason for my husband being turned down wasn't because he "needs to learn more about the building." Also, he took classes like he was told to, and was still turned down. The last reason he was given for being turned down was because of the way the other employees didn't like him because of the incident I talked about in the above post. These people don't like him because he reported an incident and that other employee was fired. If my husband wouldn't have reported it, HE would have been fired. He was screwed both ways if you ask me.

I haven't pushed him at all. In fact, I would be extremely happy if he stayed at this job. It's him that wants to leave because he will never be able to move up in position. Just wanted to clarify those things.

 
Old 06-11-2004, 09:13 PM   #4
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Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

This is coming from a military wife so I can kind of understand where you are at and I can understand where your husband is at. Like right now I am currently in a state I HATE(humm I wonder if I stressed that enough) but Dh loves the squadron he is in and loves the work here. I would love for him to get orders to another base but since he enjoys it here I cant push and just let things go as they are. The other base we were at before this one he hated because he hated the squadron there and hte lack of work there. I was fine there since most of my family wasnt more than a 6 hour drive away. They are currently a 24 hour drive away now and you can tack on another 3 to get to dh's family. So here we sit in a state I hate and dh is happy and I deal the hand dealt.
Now this is what I have to say on what you are going through. I can tell you from personal experience that if you Dh isnt happy with his job it can be brought home and that can make things rocky. Instead of trying to press him into keeping the job make a deal with him. Talk to him and ask him to keep the job while he job hunts on the side. He can do job searches online and so on. Instead of being dead set against moving think it over a bit more. If there are better job oppertunities for him in another town or city at least give the idea some thought. Yes moving away from family can be a sad but sometimes it is needed. You dont have to move clear across country but in another town a few hours away might not be as bad as you think. You also might find better work yourself.
But again try talking to him about keeping the job while he looks for another. He can go to unemployment offices as well and talk to them about finding a job.
Another thing you can do is see if he can talk to someone higher up concerning his job. If your dh has the proof that he has done the things requested in order to get promoted then he can show that he has tried. Someone higher up might not know that he has jumped through the hoops and apparently for nothing. I know he might have done this already but double checking might be a good idea.
I know my suggested are not what you want to hear but sometimes things we dont want to hear or think about might be the answer.
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Old 06-12-2004, 06:51 AM   #5
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Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Falynsmommy
First off, thanks for the reply, but I think you misunderstood me. I didn't and haven't pressured him to move up in his job. That's what HE wants. It doesn't matter to me what position he has, whether he's the lowest man on the totem pole, or the highest.

At this company, you CAN become a manager after only a year. They hire people to be managers off the street who have no experience or knowledge whatsoever of this company and the way things work. That's why we know the real reason for my husband being turned down wasn't because he "needs to learn more about the building." Also, he took classes like he was told to, and was still turned down. The last reason he was given for being turned down was because of the way the other employees didn't like him because of the incident I talked about in the above post. These people don't like him because he reported an incident and that other employee was fired. If my husband wouldn't have reported it, HE would have been fired. He was screwed both ways if you ask me.

I haven't pushed him at all. In fact, I would be extremely happy if he stayed at this job. It's him that wants to leave because he will never be able to move up in position. Just wanted to clarify those things.
I apologize if I mis understood you but you still need to stay stong so he can keep this job. The job sounds like the kind of job where you have to know people to move up.

Try to keep him there so he save and go for an education. If he finds down the road that he can't move on the he could take other routes. Some of the other routes would be to post a resume online for other jobs or even go seek around. Don't let him open a business yet.

 
Old 06-12-2004, 08:28 AM   #6
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Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

From what you posted I think that because of the two children and tight income he needs to keep the job he has now. BUT, he needs to look for a new job. It seems as though there is not an option for him to just quit. Most of us can't afford to do that, but maybe he wouldn't feel like being stuck in such a deadend if he was actively pursing other jobs. The economy is not good right now. It is hard to find a good job, but if he has the hope that he will oneday get out of this place and work somewhere else maybe that will give him a little more of a positive attitude. I think its great hes applying other places and maybe they will work out. My motto is that you can't quit a job until you find another. Maybe a job that pays as well as his will come along. Maybe you will have to move--would you rather have an unhappy husband just so you can be close to your family? You may have to compromise on some things. If he feels that he can't leave this job and is stuck he may start resenting you. You two are a young couple and don't need resentment and anger getting involved. An unhappy husband becomes an unhappy father and then creates an unhappy wife.

 
Old 06-13-2004, 12:07 PM   #7
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Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

Thanks for the replies everyone.

As I said in my first post, I have never told him to stay at the job he's at now forever. I have no problem with him looking for a different job, as long as he is making the same amount of money or more. That was the whole reason for my post. I wanted to know if I was being unreasonable in needing him to continue making the same amount of money, no matter where he works. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with taking a 4 or 5 dollar an hour paycut just so he can leave his job. I'm going back to work Tuesday after being off for maternity leave. He knows he can't leave this job until he finds another, it is the amount of money he will settle for that's the problem.

Also, he is unhappy with the job because he knows that he can never move into management. He knows this because the general manager of the factory told him that it all comes down to how the other employees get along with him, which isn't good. That reason is explained in my above posts.

As for moving, that is strictly out of the question. I don't feel I am being unreasonable about this at all, because he knew I refused to ever move BEFORE we ever even started dating seriously. That is how strongly I feel about moving, that I even discussed it while he and I were only getting to know each other. He has no problem with driving an hour or so for a job he loves, but he doesn't have a reliable car to do that.

We got into a pretty heated argument the other night about this money issue, and he thinks it will be alright, and I don't. I write out all the bills. I know that we would never make it on that much of a paycut. He thinks I'm being unreasonable and I think he is. That was my whole problem in a nutshell.

Thanks again.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 06:41 AM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Falynsmommy
. He doesn't think there's anything wrong with taking a 4 or 5 dollar an hour paycut just so he can leave his job.
Thanks again.

It is hard to get the exact pay with you leave your current job. On most jobs he will have to start at the bottom of the change then work his way up so he will have to take a pay cut. If he finds a job that he will be happy at then I see no problem taking that pay cut until he can grow but that take time.

Talk to him about trying to stiuck this job out and excepting the pay that they give him. If he wants to move on then thats his choice and money will be tight for a while. You are being reasonable telling him the true fact about the job and getting the pay cut but you want him to be happy at the job right?

I guess I am saying if II was him I would stick it out for sometime. At my current job I wasn't happy at the begining but I stuck it out to see what it would be like and now I like it.

 
Old 06-15-2004, 09:57 AM   #9
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Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

Well, maybe you'll have to agree with the paycut in order for him to be happy. Maybe he'll find a job with the same pay. Take it oneday at a time. If he finds a job that pays less that he'll love, let him take it. If it gets to a point where there is nothing to eat then I'm sure he still won't think you are being unreasonable. Maybe he can take a part-time job on top of a lower paying job to make some extra money. You mentioned him wanting to be a cop. They make BIG money being security guards on their off time. Many do this to make a sufficent income. Ask him why he thinks he can take a paycut. I know you said you pay the bills, but I'm sure he has an idea or you can have him watch you pay the bills and let him explain where he feels you are being unreasonable. Maybe he feels that you two can cut back on some things in order for him to be happy. Have him explain to you on paper a budget of how he thinks it can work. Good luck

 
Old 06-15-2004, 10:06 AM   #10
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

Quote:
Originally Posted by elatedgiraffe
Well, maybe you'll have to agree with the paycut in order for him to be happy. Maybe he'll find a job with the same pay.
But he hasn't work a job that he likes yet which make this so hard. He has worked almost every job in town.

He has to get a grip and realize that job satifaction is not always there but the money is what make the world go round. I work with people that hate thier job but they stay because of the money.

 
Old 06-15-2004, 11:23 AM   #11
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Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

I am one who feels that the recognition you get on the job, and the opportunity to advance, are as important as the pay and the work itself. I have been in the same situation as your husband -- absolutely crushed by constantly being passed over for promotion and not knowing why.

He should keep the job until he gets another one. The economy is getting better. Maybe you and he can compromise to a $2 - $3 an hour paycut. You both are still young so he should not feel stuck at the job he has now. As for his chronic unhappiness with jobs, that is a whole different issue. Unless it is tied directly to his lack of advancement. In which case . . . I know that when the economy was good, I gave myself "promotions" by getting better, higher-paying jobs. I always have performed superior work at every job I've held, and that gives me the satisfaction of knowing that all of those companies that wouldn't promote me were wrong about me, that I was capable and ready to move up.

 
Old 06-15-2004, 11:25 AM   #12
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Re: Husband unhappy with job...am I being unreasonable?

Quote:
Originally Posted by mouse62

He should keep the job until he gets another one. The economy is getting better. Maybe you and he can compromise to a $2 - $3 an hour paycut. You both are still young so he should not feel stuck at the job he has now. As for his chronic unhappiness with jobs, that is a whole different issue. Unless it is tied directly to his lack of advancement. In which case . . . I know that when the economy was good, I gave myself "promotions" by getting better, higher-paying jobs. I always have performed superior work at every job I've held, and that gives me the satisfaction of knowing that all of those companies that wouldn't promote me were wrong about me, that I was capable and ready to move up.

I agree and great post

 
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