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Old 06-12-2004, 04:03 PM   #1
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jkil22 HB User
Question Dumping a Friend

............

Last edited by jkil22; 09-11-2005 at 02:16 PM.

 
Old 06-12-2004, 04:46 PM   #2
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

I guess it would be easiest to be honest.
Tell her again that you still have feelings for her that are way more than friendship. That it would hurt you more to be with her knowing she didn't feel the same way than it would hurt to not see her at all.
And then - get totally off her radar screen. No e-mails, no phone calls, no drive-bys. Work on healing yourself and putting one foot in front of the other towards a life that is somewhere other than where she is...

Last edited by Ruth6:11; 06-12-2004 at 04:47 PM.

 
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Old 06-12-2004, 07:03 PM   #3
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Re: Dumping a Friend

...........

Last edited by jkil22; 09-11-2005 at 02:16 PM.

 
Old 06-12-2004, 07:34 PM   #4
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Ruth6:11 HB UserRuth6:11 HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

That's because I AM older!!
You just have to face the fact that you'll get ALL sorts of opinions and ideas and discard the ones that won't work for you.

 
Old 06-12-2004, 07:39 PM   #5
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Hoop HB UserHoop HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

Like Ruth said,

ďTell her again that you still have feelings for her that are way more than friendship. ď

You have already told her once before how you feel about her. Why is this second time less dork-like than the first time. You are just repeating what you said to her before. Itís not like you are going to catch her by complete surprise about your feelings.

Just be honest and sincere about it. This type of talk is not limited to older women. Itís not a thing you are dealing with here. What makes you say that? What experience have you had with older women? You donít seem to be able to handle a younger woman, you definitely wonít be able to handle an older one.

If you donít want to be honest with her, then just stop calling her, stop answering the phone, stop the emails and start distancing yourself from her, if you really think that is going to make you look more cool and suave.

 
Old 06-12-2004, 08:27 PM   #6
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Red Velvet HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

I was a teenager not too long ago, and I would have appreciated a lot more honesty from the men in my life at that time . If you want to respect the friendship you have already had with this girl, than you owe it to both of you to be honest by restating your feelings, just like Ruth and Hoop suggested. If you just stop talking to her, she won't know what is going on, and then you will look like an insensitive jerk! I don't know what kind of girls you hang out with, but most girls like sensitive sweet men, and wish there were more of them. It would be too hard to see her date around, so leaving her out of your life will be easier and more comfortable for the both of you.

Last edited by Red Velvet; 06-12-2004 at 08:29 PM.

 
Old 06-13-2004, 03:30 AM   #7
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by jkil22
That seems pretty gay Ruth (not in a sexual way). I don't think females like that type of thing until their older and it would just make me look a sensitive dork.
You're never too young to do the right thing. If she is really your friend and you are hers, you'll look like a selfish, immature jerk if you just break off all contact with her without explaining why. It's the coward's way out. If you really want to be a man and not seem "gay" or "sensitive" have the stones to be honest with her and tell her why you just can't be just friends with her anymore. Let her react as she will. She might appreciate your honesty, she might think you're a dork, but at least you'll know you did the mature, honest thing, and that's always good.

 
Old 06-13-2004, 08:52 AM   #8
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

In a way I don't think it may be a good idea to express your feelings again. She allready knows how you feel and she doesn't feel the same and she has proved that buy acting like you said nothing.

I don't agree with you just hanging up the friendship so maybe you can tell her that yes you still have those feelings and its just hurting you to be around her because you know that nothing will go any further. Just don't tell her again and expect her to come to you.

 
Old 06-13-2004, 10:43 PM   #9
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Re: Dumping a Friend

I went the route of telling her that we couldn't be friends because blah blah blah and now i feel like an idiot. she wasn't happy but honestly she wasnít as upset as i wanted her to be, she told me to call her in a couple of months when i feel Ďbetterí and i told her that i didnít think it was going to be like that but i donít think she quite got it. and now i feel like an idiot. i lost some pride tonight, i lost a friend, and lost the delusional idea that we could 'hook up', i donít think she understands that. Oh well another small chapter in life which unfortunately is much to short of a story to begin with, right?

Last edited by jkil22; 06-13-2004 at 10:44 PM.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 04:11 AM   #10
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Re: Dumping a Friend

She was not interested in anything more than being friends. She may not know or be able to handle what you had to say to her but she got the message.

You are not an idiot and there is no reason to feel like you lost any pride. It takes a very mature individual to be able to admit his feeling to a girl the way you did.

Let her call you if she wants but don't expect her to do so because she wants to hook up with you. Her answer at the end could have just been her way of trying to nice and make you feel better rather than just saying don't bother calling her again.

You did the right thing.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 07:12 AM   #11
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by jkil22
I went the route of telling her that we couldn't be friends because blah blah blah and now i feel like an idiot. she wasn't happy but honestly she wasnít as upset as i wanted her to be, she told me to call her in a couple of months when i feel Ďbetterí and i told her that i didnít think it was going to be like that but i donít think she quite got it. and now i feel like an idiot. i lost some pride tonight, i lost a friend, and lost the delusional idea that we could 'hook up', i donít think she understands that. Oh well another small chapter in life which unfortunately is much to short of a story to begin with, right?
She understands your feelings but she just wants to keep you as a friend. If you both hooked up then broke up there is a very low % that you will remain friends. Things between you both would be very wierd.

She made the right decision by not taking that chance. You made yours by not seeing her to get over those feelings. If you feel ok then call her when your ready.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 08:01 AM   #12
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SophiaM HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by jkil22
I went the route of telling her that we couldn't be friends because blah blah blah and now i feel like an idiot. she wasn't happy but honestly she wasnít as upset as i wanted her to be, she told me to call her in a couple of months when i feel Ďbetterí and i told her that i didnít think it was going to be like that but i donít think she quite got it. and now i feel like an idiot. i lost some pride tonight, i lost a friend, and lost the delusional idea that we could 'hook up', i donít think she understands that. Oh well another small chapter in life which unfortunately is much to short of a story to begin with, right?
Trust me, it didn't make you look like an idiot at all. Quite the opposite. It made you look like a mature and self confident guy who knows what he wants and what he doesn't want. Just disappearing from her life or avoiding her would make you look insecure and unable to handle things in an adult way. You should feel PROUD of yourself.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 10:54 AM   #13
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Ninispjc HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by jkil22
I went the route of telling her that we couldn't be friends because blah blah blah and now i feel like an idiot. she wasn't happy but honestly she wasnít as upset as i wanted her to be, she told me to call her in a couple of months when i feel Ďbetterí and i told her that i didnít think it was going to be like that but i donít think she quite got it. and now i feel like an idiot. i lost some pride tonight, i lost a friend, and lost the delusional idea that we could 'hook up', i donít think she understands that. Oh well another small chapter in life which unfortunately is much to short of a story to begin with, right?
I know you may feel like an idiot right now, but you did NOT do anything idiotic. The main reason you're feeling this way is because she didn't react the way you wanted her to, but we can't control how other people react or what they will do. You made the decision that you couldn't be just friends, it was too painful and difficult, and you had enough respect for her to be honest with her and tell her why you were putting an end to the relationship. That's what you should have done. Losing a friend is always hard, it's not going to feel good, but give it some time. You did the right thing, and now you just need to heal. Relationships are hard, and to talk face to face with a gilr and talk about how you feel is uncomfortable, but it shouldn't be avoided just because it's uncomfortable. You showed maturity by talking to her face to face. Just give it some time and see how you feel about it in a week or two.

 
Old 06-14-2004, 12:24 PM   #14
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Re: Dumping a Friend

Wow, I wish I had known more guys like you! My male friend liked me, and never told me (although he made it quite obvious). It ended up that we just went our separate ways because I was uncomfortable with the undercurrents I would feel, but not really sure if he liked me (until a mutual friend told me). Everyone is right! You did what you had to do, you were honest, and your relationship with her did not continue on a lie, and your eventual heartbreak. You may feel embarrassed or stupid, but honesty and clarity like in the situation you just handled, is what girls appreciate (well, ANYONE, really). She may not know it now, but your honesty is what makes you a true friend. You know your limits in the relationship, and you stood by them. You were BRAVE, not stupid.

RV

 
Old 06-14-2004, 12:56 PM   #15
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eightball61 HB User
Re: Dumping a Friend

Quote:
Originally Posted by Red Velvet
Wow, I wish I had known more guys like you! My male friend liked me, and never told me (although he made it quite obvious). It ended up that we just went our separate ways because I was uncomfortable with the undercurrents I would feel, but not really sure if he liked me (until a mutual friend told me). Everyone is right! You did what you had to do, you were honest, and your relationship with her did not continue on a lie, and your eventual heartbreak. You may feel embarrassed or stupid, but honesty and clarity like in the situation you just handled, is what girls appreciate (well, ANYONE, really). She may not know it now, but your honesty is what makes you a true friend. You know your limits in the relationship, and you stood by them. You were BRAVE, not stupid.

RV
Good and true...He was being very upfront and honest and you cant ask much more from a friend.

 
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